Nothing but struggles

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f**k, man! I'm fricken 27 years old and I still act like I'm a 15 year old kid in social situations. I can have interesting discussions with adults about philosophy and religion and other subjects that interest me when dealing with educated adults out there, but most of the time all people do in social interactions is just chit chat about the weather, about cars, about legal s**t, politics, economy ... stuff that I have a complete lack of interest in. And so all I do is just sit/stand there saying nothing but nod my head to them every few seconds when they speak ... exactly like how a 15 year old bored kid would act in such a situation (who just wants to go out there and have some fun with other kids his age).

Except that I don't care for teenage fun. I just don't have a clue what to say when it comes to talking about subjects I lack much interest in.

Also, according to people who know me, I have quite an aggressive monotone voice when socializing with people in general but when relaxed it tends to be quite normal (except for my accent which is just another struggle I have to deal with).

And while I am thankful I can drive, I do feel quite inadequate as a driver. I have terrible back vision and have at times almost end up hitting cars at the back while backing out of a parking spot. I can't parallel park for s**t (I've only learned the "pretend" parallel park back when I was as a learner). I've hit a couple of cars in my 5 years of driving so far (both out of stupidity and misunderstanding instead of just pure male recklessness). I wish I was just like any typical 27 year old dude when it comes to driving. I've seen women park far better than me in difficult situations that I would never dream of doing so myself.

I've improved my body language and posture in public but it's still fake. They say "fake it till you make it". Well, I've been faking it for so many years now and I still haven't made it. It's become nothing but a burden to me having to focus on my body language every single time I'm in a social situation. Not that it was bad before, but I was told not to walk like I'm walking on glass barefooted because it made me look very awkward.

Facial expression? I think I need to smile more and more especially when making jokes (as people think I'm serious when I'm actually joking!)

That's all I think of for now. Share with me your own struggles. I'd love to hear them to see if I can relate.

first of all, welcome to this thing of ours. now, when one feels as though they are in an existential hole, fretting about it only deepens the hole. what i [as a geezer] can offer, are a few coldly comforting thoughts, such as-

* when a person is fully aware of their combined limitations [cognitive, physiological, psychological], only then can the person intelligently and sensibly deal with their reality. short of this knowledge, one might as well negotiate a blind maze sans map. resistance to this reality is futile.

*a human brain can only hold one discrete thought in working memory at any given time. if you are thinking a bad thought, that is your world until you unceremoniously shove it out of the way with subsequent thoughts that one determines will be better thoughts. this regimen of cognitive hygiene requires diligence and continuous practice, but one will get better with repetition and time.

*bill gates speaks in a barely modulated monotone, none the worse for him. my older brother is the same, and nearly as bright as mr. gates. both managed to snag mates despite looking like slightly streamlined fireplugs. you are still young and there is still time for you to do likewise. again, fretting about your lack just makes for more lack, that is one of the universal laws [like begets like].

*there will always be greater and lesser individuals than oneself. there is always something one can be thankful for, in this regard. you mentioned that you can drive- not everybody has the wherwithal to do this. i didn't learn to drive until i was almost 20. even now i am mediocre, and also cannot parallel-park worth diddly- i have to "cheat" by peering out my passenger-side door to see how distant i am from the curb. i have to get out of the car to see how far my bumpers are from other cars. my depth perception is iffy at best, due to non-uniform vision [astigmatism] in both eyes- one eye is near-sighted, the other farsighted.
also, you mentioned that you can "fake it" - i wish i could say the same thing! would but i could fake it! you are smarter and more adroit than you give yourself credit for. remember this. and the fact that most folk are average in intelligence means that you will just have to seek loftier company. you can't expect every joe sixpack [or even most joe sixpacks] to discuss proust with you.

i would offer you more of my oldfart advice but i don't want to bore you unduly.
keep talkin' at us here.
cheers
bruce

I share a lot of your feelings. You are hardly alone. I think if we were to meet I would be the weird one.

1. I REALLY don't like small talk. I prefer lengthy in-depth discussions where actual information can be shared and explored and follow-up questions can be asked.
The problem with most people's discussions is that I am a conversation killer, because I will say things like "Why is that?" or other questions. I also tend to analyze things a lot ask for more detail, mainly because people speak so vaguely. I am way too verbose for most people and for some reason this drives people crazy. Also the way I talk seems to be atypical.

2. According to others opinions my body language is never "correct". I am often misunderstood as angry or cold and uncaring, which is totally not true.

3. I tend to walk "way too fast". I have been accused of speed walking more times than I can count. I try my pace myself with others so I am not leaving them behind because that is not my intent. However when I am alone I see no reason to limit my speed.

4. I have been told everywhere I go that I should smile more or my favorite "what's wrong with you, you never smile". The problem is when I attempt various facial expressions they look ridiculously fake.

5. if "fun" is getting drunk, talking stupid, or watching porn please exclude me. I am open to most other experiences though.

and my ultimate pet peeve:
People who communicate in vague body language and expect you to mind read. If you talk explicitly than there will be no misunderstanding and everyone will be happier.

I make no apologies for the way I am.
I can drive quite well actually. In fact my previous job involved driving 100+ miles a day.

Well, I act like a teenage boy sometimes. I love graphic novels, have a short attention span, and watch Family Guy.

I haven't parellel parked since I got my license as a teen. I don't live in a city, so it's an unnecessary skill.

I don't always talk much unless they are about things I care about, but I think that's par for the course. On the other side of that coin, if it IS something I care about, I may never shut up. So, that's bad too.

I've had people think I'm serious when I'm joking too. I wish the world had emoticons so I could accurately express myself.

I'm forever socially awkward. I don't tell people I have Asperger's. I say I'm diagnosed with incurable social awkwardness.

yep im socially awkward. i still act like a teenager even in the most serious situations at work and make inappropriate, "strange" remarks that people get pissed about and/or b***h me out about it. people say im sad when im not smiling even though im perfectly f*****g content. yes and the monotone voice but when relaxed is rather normal. i can do small talk randomly and usually if its i ask the questions or make the statement but if it drags on, then its troublesome. and parallel parking, i dont think i have had to or even attempted it in over 10 years. i would probably hit something at first but parallel parking is a thing you will seldom do in your typical driving/parking routines. but it might be different in the bigger cities or something. so yeah you are not alone.

Same here, for some reason I always get on really well with family and acquaintance's teenage sons since we can talk about comic books, video games and movies. I don't have much in common with their parents on the other hand.

As for driving, I've only had my license for 3 years. Because of what I did when I was taking my driving lessons I'm not too scared of driving unlike some others I know, under normal circumstances I find it quite relaxing in fact. I may have done something slightly... ill-advised. Turns out if you make sure it's really hard for you to even get too stressed while learning it helps a lot. The exceptions are in snow, ice and very heavy fast traffic. I do most of my driving at evening or night because of the hours I keep, I find it more relaxing as there's less traffic and usually traffic that is there feels less aggressive.

For jokes, people get it more now with me. I think it's because I've learned to laugh with my eyes more when I tell them and do that small grin/smile at the end that lets people know I'm not being serious. It took practice, lots of it, and not everyone gets it. But it's gotten easier with practice.