This type of friend; lack of fulfillment.

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Part 1:
Anyone had that friend that seems like your supervisor? He/She would look at you in a strange way you can't explain if you did something odd? He/She is the person you feel extremely dependent on?

He/She is one of the few people that understand you and insist that there's nothing wrong with you and people don't stare at you as if you're a freak of nature when you feel that people in fact do?

He/She explains everything like a sort of life lesson in an adult-like manner, which results in you feeling so stupid that the solution was so simple?

Your relationship with him/her seems more like child to parent or student to mentor rather than friend to friend?

Part 2:
Ever feel like you want to be with your few friends because you feel lonely?

Ever feel like when you finally approach them hanging with other friends, you sit there, bored, listening to trivial chatter and feeling empty because you can't figure out how others have a sense of fulfillment in this?

Ever feel like when you leave them again, you feel guilty for leaving your few friends and isolated for the lack of companionship?

I feel this a lot. I have the type of friend described above; she is my closest friend. I also have the social issue described above. I hate dealing with it.

I can tell u this strictly from my experiance. Ive had a handful of those types of friends throughout the last 4-5 yrs and that is not a real friendship. Those people think they understand you but they dont. To me, I felt like I was using them at times, but some girls honestly take joy in being "maternal". They dont view you as an equal. And the last girl that tried to "mother" me, she liked to pride herself for trying so hard to except me. It was the "I accept you but others wont" situation so Im trying to make you into a better person. She did not accept me. Once I realized this...she was history. You have to have friends that respect you, Im not saying your friend doesnt respect u, idk. U better take a closer look at your friendship is what Im saying.



Yep has happened to me many times. See 1 of my friends is really good friends with this other girl. Whenever I sit with them...I listen to there chit chat...i try say something...get a face with disgust when I find it hard to say something. I swear that girl thinks im a b***h by now.[/quote]

I guess I should add that if you like that type of friendship...maybe its fine? Im guessing she is the 1 who helps you survive the social scene and you appreciate that? She maybe your closest friend but chances are your not a close friend to her which makes it a nonreciprocal relationship and your giving her a lot of power over you.

This is heavily based on my experiances cause personally Im a very stubborn strong willed person despite all my insecurities. Often times those "maternal" types cant deal with that. In the end...there my peer not my parent. If I dont wanna listen I wont and if I disagree I'll argue which challenges them, in a way that challenges that established authority I had allowed them to over me. Maybe your not like that. Think...is this what you want?

She doesn't do it in a condescending way. From what I've heard, people know we're really good friends. Sometimes I just FEEL like a child around her, like when she laughs as I do something silly. I really don't know how to describe it.
There's just that strange quality. I sometimes feel like she has power over me and I wanted to distance myself but then I felt guilty and wanted to go back, so it wasn't even worth it.

Yeah Id guess that you guys hangout a lot, from a distance people will normally assume that you guys are close friends without knowing the actual nature of the friendship. What matters is, does she see you as a close friend? I assume she knows your weaknesses...do you know her weaknesses? If she supports you when ur down...do u support her when shes down. Im telling you...some of these girls really love being "maternal", when they see some1 that they feel needs to be taken care of...they take joy in caring for them. Idk if ur friends like this. \

Yeah she probably doesnt do it in a condescending way but truthfully none of these girls that had tried to "mother" me in the past meant to be condescending. Id say, only 1 of them was and that was the most recent 1, that is why Im feeling so bitter about these types of situations. She however did not mean to be condescending by any means and shed probably take it as ahuge insult that i felt she was condescending.



Yeah with the last girl...I felt like she did have power over me and I also felt irrationally scard at times. It took 1-2 months after the friendship went down for me to fully realize the extent of her affect over me. Now that this friendship is over...I feel released in a way but months later. But she was this girl who had very idealized ways about how 1 should act and how community should be. Due to her caring nature, she wanted to "help" the ones that did not fall in line with this...which was me. Sorry Im going off on a tangent...ur friends probably not like that. Im just saying all of this as a fair warning for future people. But hey every1 wants something different and I dont know u so???

I see her as a close friend and she does the same with me. We talk about deep things but sometimes I feel like she is a mystery even though I have a basis of her ideals. She is able to separate morals from logic and see both points of view, which I find is a unique trait. It doesn't seem like she tries to be maternal, she just comes off that way.

A mystery because you have a hard time understanding her or is it because she doesnt tell you certain things. Back in highschool...the girl who I was friends with hid certain parts of herself from me because she was carefully controlling her reputation to me...she didnt want me to know some stuff due to my naivety. Kinda like hiding the fact that you get drunk on the weekends from a six year old.

Well its good that you feel shes not trying to be maternal. Question: is she older or the same age. I was assuming she was the same age. If she is, as long as she clearly recognizes that you guys are the same age and respects you is really important then I assume things are fine. Ok...sorry for all of my overreacting.

We're both fourteen, she's four months older. I'm not sure if that makes a difference in adolescence. Oh, well. I don't want to be the type that's easily manipulated; I know I'm very susceptible to brainwash. She doesn't seem to have the manipulative mentality. My mom says my other friend is trying to get me to dislike two girls she doesn't get along with. I already didn't get along with them and I didn't feel like she was trying to veer me into that direction.

I wish I wasn't susceptible to manipulation. How can I tell if someone is trying to pull that move on me?

I think as aspies were all very susceptible to manipulation. All I know is I havent been any bad situations where someone has really manipulated. People have manipulated me in small ways here and there, some of them I probably didnt even recognize it.

A small example comes to my head of my high school friend trying to manipulate me to come to church even tho I really didnt wanna come. Thats the only thing she ever invited me to outside of school...would rarely ever hangout with me despite all my attempts to hangout with her out of school.

My previous posts were not nessarily referring to being manipulated but thats not good either.

Yeah I guess I can relate to that, or certainly when I was at high school I would usually have one friend who I became very attached to, but would always kind of speak down to me and if I stood up to her or spoke to her as an equal then she'd fall out with me. When I was at college even, I had a friend who invited me to hang around with her but she didn't accept me as I was really and was always trying to tell me how I should behave. That is probably why I go through uni not speaking to people on my course and refusing to do group work because I refuse to be spoken down to any more. I think girls are worse for doing this, never had the same issue with my male friends.

yeah i learned that I can get away way more with guy friends. The thing is that sometimes I really push my limits with them. Guys tend dont really care nearly as much if this and that behavior is out of line. Some of my behavior has either gotten really strange/out of line in general that they do occationally tell me that its outta line...but they dont touch on it that much. If they look down on you...they dont hangout with you, or at least from my experiance.

The thing is that some girls really enjoy that sense of caring for people. They'll see the fact that Im struggling and their "intentions" are good but what this turns into is them establishing this parentalness over me. They enjoy it because I supposidly look up to them...and they feel like "role models" for me.

Another story. I had my "friend" plan out my b-day party and I was really stressed about inviting people and things being awkward. She told me..."Im sure many people care"...as opposed to "Im sure many people would love to come" or "Im sure many people would be excited to come". Emm...she knew what she was saying...shes an English major whos super precise wording and definition. I didnt realize till like 4-5 months later.