How do I get chatting to someone without ''following'' them?

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Joe90
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13 Apr 2011, 12:15 pm

This has always been a confusion for me, and it has been bothering me for years. When other people I know go on holiday, they always come back saying, ''oh I got chatting to someone'', or, ''I had a crush on someone and I chatted to him/her every day.'' And I think to myself, ''how? Where do they start?'' Each time I go on holiday I come home knowing just as many people as I did before I went. I can't even imagine myself going off chatting to someone at a bar or at a nightclub, or anywhere else where you're likely to meet people on holiday. People even get chatting to the people in the room next door to their's in the hotel. But I just know full well that if I started chatting to someone, they would probably think I'm following them, and would think, ''get away from me, weirdo!'' - even if they were giving me signs that they would like to chat. I mean, I smile to people a lot, and give off friendly signs to them, and they say hello to me and I say hello to them, and so that's a good start. I know that that's how NTs start off too. But if I tried being exactly like an NT, I would still be doing something wrong. But with making friends, you've got to start somewhere, don't you? And all people have different mannerisms and personalities, so they can't all go about it exactly the same way as though there's some strong rule somewhere. But to me there seems to be.

How do they do it without being accused of ''following'' somebody? It makes me feel so isolated!


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buryuntime
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13 Apr 2011, 5:20 pm

I'm pretty sure it's just as simple as sitting next to someone or getting stuck in the elevator with them. Or maybe inviting them to do something at the place with them.



Joe90
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14 Apr 2011, 4:39 am

buryuntime wrote:
I'm pretty sure it's just as simple as sitting next to someone or getting stuck in the elevator with them. Or maybe inviting them to do something at the place with them.


That's how I try starting these things off.I never do anything too forward, and I just take it as smoothly as I can, just like anyone else. But they still seem to get freaked out.


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Starlight-Supernova
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14 Apr 2011, 5:05 am

I wish I could do that....

One time on holiday I thought I got chatting to some people but they started saying really cringeworthy things like asking if I was a virgin and stuff...really put me off talking to people abroad anyways.



Xenia
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14 Apr 2011, 2:33 pm

Good question, but as I wonder similar things I can't give you an answer.

A friend told me once that she went to the shops and had a coffee with the shopkeeper, I asked hiow did that happen, still can't get my head around how that can happen!!



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15 Apr 2011, 2:19 pm

ya if someone shows interest in me i start following them, pursuing them, calling them up, harassing them and after a while they start distancing from me,
this happened 3 years back i met a guy during a spiritual tour he spoke to me well in the bus, and he gave me his number
i started pursuing him, calling him up, sending him emails, asking him to meet me at places, i became so persistent that he left me eventually and this happened with so many other females also.
i also dont know when or how to stop and when to stop following....
its really sick...some obsessive compulsive disorder