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these are some of the questions i would like to ask you, but am too shy and worried about. also, i barely know you, so i don't want to come on too strong or scare you off or f**k up what might already be a delicately-balanced social challenge for you (i.e. our workplace).

1. what sorts of things trigger anxiety for you? certain colors? foods? sounds? topics? because i would like to know that before i make arbitrary decisions that somehow hurt you.

2. you seem perfectly capable of what i would consider to be casual conversation. is this because you went through some sort of specific therapy for it? because it has taken me a long time to figure out how to behave in a way that creates reactions from others that i can handle or expect. this doesn't seem so different.

3. because i'm new at a place you've worked at for a long time, i've had my own little social role to figure out, and i think i've established myself alright within my team. so at this point, it would be awkward for me not to be more openly friendly with them, because we've gotten to the point where we know each other a little bit. but you don't seem to prefer maintaining silly trivial pleasantries with anyone, even though i know you must know some of them after working there for so long. i mean, i think you respond perfectly reasonably when someone else says "good morning" or "how's it going?" (and exceptionally, when it comes to work-related tasks like reporting results on the phone or exchanging specific information), but that doesn't mean you WANT to have to have that experience while you are trying to focus on work. i guess what i'm asking is: should i just go on acting like i sort of don't know you during the work day, and wait until we are one-on-one to try to have a friendship? this is what would definitely feel more natural to me. but i don't want you to feel offended because i'm less friendly with you than i am with my other co-workers. because, the truth is, i've already spent more total time having meaningful interactions with you than i have with them. i mean, i think they are all fine folks. but they are not terribly interesting to me, and you are.

4. is it easier for you to communicate in writing? because i have thought of hand-writing some thoughts and questions and maybe we could exchange dialogue that way. that sounds like fun -- passing notes back and forth or whatever.

5. how do i know if you actually want to be my friend? am i really just bothering you? i am worried that you are just being polite because you have a formula for conversation.

6. do aspies get along well with each other?

I'll try and answer those questions I can based on experience, not speculation:

1. Loud noises in general. Chainsaws, Jackhammers, loud cars and motorcycles. Screaming people, crying babies. Hot stoves. As for topics, my problem is more that I rarely know any boundaries and am too straighforward about most personal things.

2. Training and imitation. That is one of the reasons why Asperger's is so tricky: most people who have it seem normal, if just a little odd. In most social situations, I try to imitate other people who were "successful" with their behaviour. While I am perfectly to interpret most social situations I witness (as in: I am NOT involved in), I cannot process that information into a proper response that matches the expectations of other people.

4. Yes.

5. For me: If I tell you, you can assume it to be true. It is rare that I tell a lie. If people already have problems with interpreting me (as much as I have with them), lying only makes it more of a mess. I know that I can be a very convincing liar, and I used to be incredibly manipulative when I was younger (mainly because I could not handle situations I didn't have control of, so I went to great lengths in order to ensure everything went as I wanted it to).

thanks for your responses, voyager and exhumed. i appreciate the perspective.

i wouldn't even have pursued the tactic of "learning more about asperger's" at all, except for the fact that it is one of the first things he chose to tell me about himself.

now i'm just sort of overwhelmed by all the *information* about it, and keep reminding myself that i sort of don't believe most of the BS that people spew about most things anyway. there is usually no point in comparing oneself or anyone else to any sort of standard.

everyone i know communicates differently. i would like to approach with this in mind.