Friendships that Do Not Last

Post Reply New Topic

Hello All:

My main problem with my social life is maintaining friends for good. I do not have a best friend, besides my mother, that really understands me (someone that is not biologically related). I think it is vital for my success as a music composer.

I have been in college going on five years now, and I am studying music composition at Stephen F. Austin State University (SFASU) in Nacogdoches, Texas. I have learned so much, including music history/literature, SOME basic music theory, and I have been exposed to some film scoring. I graduate in two years. I took most of my non-music classes away from SFASU except one at a community college and Texas State University in San Marcos, Texas. I made a friend that also has Asperger Syndrome. However, he seems to be functioning more normally than I am, since I have three other disabilities. I think the reason that I have never made many friends with lasting relationships is because I have been so isolated to myself at college. Another is my Bipolar Disorder and Tourette Syndrome, which is viewed as abnormal by many people. As a result, they stop talking to me.

I am also the type to let immature, rude students bother me while in school. All through school, every student at my school in my small town knew I had Tourette Syndrome. Most of them ridiculed me, but some of them were understanding. Up until high school, I always looked forward to learning as much as I could. I was excited about a college career outside of high school. My high school did have too many bullies and mean students, however. My grades suffered, since I could not focus on what I wanted to do. In fact, I almost gave up and scored very low both times on the SAT. However, I pulled myself together my senior year and decided that I needed to go to a community college in San Antonio. Still to this day, I could have made more friends and networked more if I had started at SFASU.

Another reason is that I am not at all shy once I have known someone and exhibit great eye contact. I do become too attached to people, since I never used to have friends. Once that happens, I end up losing friends, since they think I lack self-confidence. I am not much of a selfish person, but sometimes I appear that way to others.

Friends usually can depend on me, and it is tough for me to come across really good friends. Most of them think that I am awkward if I cannot, for example, read in public places AT ALL. In addition to my concentration issues, people find it odd that I cannot multi-task as much as others. I have developed better tasking skills, especially since I have OCD. However, I have just recently in the past year become an organized person FOR GOOD.

Any comments, suggestions, or questions would really help. If you have any experiences like these, I would like to read about them. Thank you all for your time!

Dear Adam,

Wow. Man. Unbelieveble. All my difficulties are nothing compared to what's been happening to you. You also have tourette and Bipolar, and I feel for you very much. As regarding to friends in college, it's hard bro. Really. What is your obsession? music composing? let me tell you that the obsession is like a key, a key to open the door to society, a society which judges the person based on his ability to start a conversation. That's why you have to use it. You can achieve great success in your life all you gota do is believe, be determined and don't give up on life. never. My social life is hell, trust me, but I have my famiily, as you do, and we have our obsessions, and we have wrongplanet, the best community you'll ever find

Welcome to Wrong Planet! It's nice to have you.

On this point, do you think you might be jumping levels? (none of our social skills need be perfect, of course. In fact, I tell myself social skills are inherently imprecise. And that kind of sometimes helps to talk down my perfectionism. And I also tell myself, just let a medium mistake be a medium mistake. A little bit zen in that regard. )

What I'm not particularly good at is the low-grade social skills of just standing around at a party, which I'm not particularly interested in anyway.

What I am better at is low-key, matter-of-fact leadership. Organizing small group activities and asking people if they want to participate. And simply the asking is a success whatever answer the person gives and I'm going to respect it. These skills are more straightforward and kind of play to my Aspie strengths. And not as any kind of self-imposed obligation, for that's dry as dust. More like an open field and a possibility. Often I like individual projects, but then at unpredictable times, I find the idea of a group project and a group activity very appealing.

Maybe something similar to this with your music composition and your film scoring?

I have problems maintaining friends too. I think the really good friend I've had, she lives in Ireland, and she's an online friend. I've known her for a couple of years, and when I'm talking to her, all of my "disabilities" disappear and if I make a social mistake, it makes no difference to her. She'll just say "so what? heard any good music lately?" I wish there were more people like her. I've one other friend who is like that but I've only known her for a few months. I know her off of the internet. So far, it's going great, she does not care that I am awkward or whatever, she just likes talking to me .

I wish there were more people who don't care about our differences. It seems that some people never grow up, they don't accept differences very well and they are put off by petty ticks too easily. They see the disabilities and they don't even bother to get to know us at all, which leads to the bullying