What is your most common social mistake?

Post Reply New Topic

Most of my social errors are strategies I learned as a small child that grew out of control, or are no longer useful. Apologizing is a big one. I reflexively throw a random "sorry" into most of my sentences. Thankfully, now I'm no longer rude enough that I need to apologize that frequently, but the fear that I'm annoying people has only increased.

I also get really stressed out by the idea of answering insufficiently specific questions, to the point of freezing up or just giving a generic answer. Questions like "How was your vacation?" or "What's up?" are just too complicated to answer. I worry that if I answer properly, I'll start to monologue.

# 1 i can't understand when people talk/write out of any common emotional insanity and i often respond in a way they consider as being brutal and inhuman.
E.g. it's obvious and undeniable that the root of all environmental problems is there are way too many bipeds. So when people whine about problems i often say if they really want a change the first step must be birth control. One called me a monster for these words. Many people act stupid and out of emotions instead of logical considerations. The way i look at things seems to be offensive for most of them.

# 2 is i have problems with setting up boundaries in the beginning of contacts which might be kind of invitation for others to violate my personal space. Then i receive stupid phone calls because they just want to jabber without any need. When i finally say, please leave ma alone now, i don't want to hear this gossip, i am the bad and mean person.
Same about my down time. Contacts easily cause a sensory overload. Thus, i want to be alone with my cats. When one calls me strange i ignore it for a few times but if they insist in telling me how wrong, how strange i am, finally i yell at them and become verbally abusive.

Being stuck in your head and caring to much what people think of you.

My common one is perceiving the way that someone says something and I happen to think one way, while the messenger means another way. So when I feed that message about the receiver, then they will go and confirm it with the first person who then gets mad and mistakes me for twisting the truth around.

1. Like a lot of people said, not knowing when I'm supposed to follow someone
2. Having absolutely nothing to say in response to someone
3. Not knowing when to say "hello" or "bye" to someone

This is me too.

how about taking a back seat to every conversation. no one seems to be interested if I am "leading" a conversation. then, usually, they think i'm interested in what they're talking about. And, of course, it is followed by me putting my actual thoughts into it, and the inevitable crickets follow right on cue. most conversations are like a dance that I never received the dance steps.

So, usually people will approach me and start talking, then realize they want nothing to do with me five minutes later. It's nothing offensive that I say (I think) but it probably is not the typical chit chat formalities that are usually accepted.

Side question: Anybody wonder why people ask for your number and then never call? It's like they seem interested in you at first, but want nothing to do with you.

1) Greeting people, not knowing whether or how to appropriately greet someone. Not knowing if its ok to say a comment or 2, or what to say back when someone says a brief comment.
2) Social timing, not knowing when to insert a comment when people are talking. I swear, my social timing sucks so badly that probably most aspies surpass me with this one.

This is the reason why I make a crap ass acquaintance. Its funny how I find it easier to hold conversation then say hi to someone. I can perform more advanced social interaction better then things that are considered basic.

My most frequent, basic mistake is a tendency to stare, especially at girls. That rarely gets received well at all, leaving me with plenty of heartache.

Another is my trouble with judging proximity. I tend to stand too close during a social interaction.

The following thing is really confusing sometimes, especially if someone has unwittingly "trained" you in a certain way. My sister used to make me follow her around & fawn all over her when we went places. A couple of times when I did my own thing she left me there. Almost like you would punish a dog. So once when a friend I'd never hung out solo with before invited me shopping I followed him all over the store for a few minutes. He informed me that I could go look at whatever I wanted & meet up with him after while looking at me oddly. So I explained to him why I did that. We never hung out solo again.

I have done that too. I used to hold doors all the time at stores to be polite but then a couple of elderly people yelled at me (on separate occasions) for holding it for them, "I can do it myself!" is what they yelled. Now I usually only do it if someone is coming up right behind me.



Most people don't complain about this anymore with me (of course I don't talk as much either) but when I was in school (before HS & still had friends) a couple would get really angry with me. "Why are you using that word? Are you trying to say I'm stupid?". Of course I wasn't, those are just the words that come naturally to me sometimes.

I have been told that I am too loud when I am excited and start talking about something (with family). Then I clam up and get angry because I feel like I am being real (which I can rarely be) and they are punishing me for it.

My big thing right now is that I never know what to do when I show up at my therapist's office. Sometimes she's on the phone chatting, or on her computer, not in the office yet or in the other building. So I hang by the door or go sit in the waiting room but then it's like she doesn't know I'm there. Then when she finally comes to find me she chastises me for not letting her know that I'm there. Like I would do that.

I really understand about the small talk. I just can't stand it. Every now and then I'll engage in a conversation (for the other person's sake) but most of the time, I won't bother. After I say 'hi' to my aunt, for example, there's just dead silence. I do my best to laugh along with others in a group when something is funny (or at least when something is suppose to be; my sense of humor is odd compared to my family members), but sometimes I just don't care to join in. Forcing myself to behave "appropriately" in social interactions is tiring.

Kind of goes along with clinginess, but knowing how much is too much to interact with someone. I sometimes wonder if I am posting too much on a friend's wall, calling too much, etc. Also, being flighty around those people whom I really enjoy their company.

I know some people will differ with me on this, but being my authentic self. I used to try to act normal, crack jokes, be funny, etc, but it was more of a turn off to people, than actually being the person that I am. This seems to be the case as I get older, especially with people that I only talk to once in awhile. They want to hear what you are up to, interested in or your life experiences, not the same jokes that they have heard dozens of times before.

I don't know when to stop. I will make people laugh and I enjoy that but then I usually take a joke too far and end up inadvertently offending someone.

I guess I have 3 big ones:
1. Not knowing when to follow someone or stay put
2. Being too quiet (I assume people don't want to talk to me unless they sort of invite me into the conversation)
3. If I have to talk to someone I'm not familiar with and they start really looking me in the face, I start to trip over my words. People that I have to give more than one-word answers to (doctors, professors, etc). Other people I'm comfortable enough that I can look places other than their face while I talk.

well, it's a nice little catch-22 for me;
i'm afraid of doing/saying something that will exclude me from a circle, so i avoid that possibility by doing/saying nothing at all, which is a mistake in itself, but acting on impulses creates said exclusion...

Being sociable at a meal is tough. I'm relatively okay when there's small nibbles and such around, but sitting and eating food for more than 5 minutes at a time is when the Inner Me gets grumpy at people who try to have a conversation with me. Inner Me keeps going, "doggoneit, I'm eating! Come back later!"