How do you "hang out" with friends?
Hi, I'd like to ask some advice on how to "hang out" with friends. I've actually started to make some friend acquaintances at work (I'm a graduate student) and there's this one girl who has emailed me to hang out with her. She just broke up with her boyfriend, so I think she's partly looking to just have some fun with the girls. This is great, cause I rarely get asked to do things in smaller groups or one on one with girls who are friends. However, I'm used to hanging out with my self. How do I say yes and suggest something to do without overplanning or coming off as weird and awkward? My instincts are to research everything and see if there's a fun event nearby and organize something to do. However, I think a simple pizza and movie night is more appropriate and less overkill. Does anyone have suggestions of things that you do when you "hang out" with friends? How do I make conversation again without sounding so awkward (quirky is ok)? Any suggestions would be helpful. Feel free to post examples of what you do when you "hang out" with friends? I think some examples would help me. Thanks for the help.
I am so bad at hanging out it isn't even funny. Even when my sister invited me over to her college apartment to "hang out" I just sat there awkwardly not knowing what to do even though I am completely comfortable around my sister.
I generally end up finding stuff to do and organize like you. And eat a lot of whatever is there. I really have no clue how to hang out, it seems to have no structure whatsoever so that's where you lose me.
To purchase: I'm sort of like you. When I'm in a group I'm generally silent unless a someone starts talking about something that I know something about, e.g. food, travel, fieldwork.
"Hanging out" seems to be completely unstructured, so I don't know what to do. I don't have the experience
To Rhiannon0828: I drink a little bit, although more than a drink or two and I'm hammered. The girl whose proposing to "hang out" can drink more than me. What do you suggest?
To all: What do you think would be the easiest thing for you to do to "hang out"? If you could design a situation where you would be most comfortable "hanging out" what would it be? How would you design that situation to include friends or acquaintances?
I don't really get the point of "hanging out" -- never have. I don't know what to do with myself if there isn't some activity we're supposed to be involved in. I went to a party a few weeks ago that could, I suppose, have been termed hanging out -- we just sort of sat around in the backyard talking after eating fajitas and chips. It was kind of boring since there really wasn't anything to do but talk, but several people had brought their dogs, so whenever I started feeling twitchy and looking at my watch, I got up and played with one of the puppies.
This is what I do; it might work for you, it might not. I've had good success with it . Invite her to someplace local and easy to access for both of you to have a beer or a drink. Pick someplace that's probably not too loud so that you can talk. One drink is usually pretty harmless, you can drink slowly if you want. But it does tend to relax people. Then let the conversation go where it will... ask her if she is a reader. This is always a bonus; people who read like to talk about things that they are reading. Try to keep an open mind. She might not be into one of your interests, but it could still be something interesting and cool. Animals can be a good topic too. If things are not going well, when you finish your drink, it's an easy time to make an exit. If things are good, check to make sure she doesn' t have someplace to be, and if you want to continue, have another drink or switch to something non-alcoholic. Leave before she seems tired of the conversation. If this is hard for you to know, leave after the second drink . Most people are cool to this point, and if she really wants to hang out longer, she will say so, and if you really want to leave, you have spent an appropriate amount of time with her. Like I said at the begining, this may or may not work for you. But I am a pre-Aspergers kid in that I was an adult before it was being diagnosed, and I wasn't so severe that people would have automatically thought "autistic." So I have learned to adapt-- a lot! Good luck! If you try it, let me know how it works out!
My general "hang out" plan is as follows:
Location: usually my apartment, I feel more comfortable there, I know where everything is, I don't have to awkwardly ask where the bathroom is or anything, plus I think NT's see it as being welcoming and friendly and some other good things I can't think of the words for at the moment.
Food: Usually pizza, sometimes I cook pasta and chicken which my friends always find impressive, I'm not sure why (yes I do know how to boil water and turn on the oven). We usually do ice cream sundaes as well.
Activities: Usually video games or a movie or board games. I have a couple of friends that really like Dance Dance Revolution, I try to be accommodating to what other people want to do.
Conversation: I try to let it happen as naturally as possible, comment on something in the movie. One of my favorite board games is apples to apples because it's super simple, you can learn how to play in 10 seconds, and it can spark some deep philosophical discussions.
Try to relax and don't stress about it, it's supposed to be a casual event. Good luck!
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I go to dinner, barbecue, drink, play cards/games, go hiking or fishing. Or any feasible combination of those.
I'm a graduate student too and that's about all that goes down around here, I'm in a very small town though so maybe you have more options.
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I know I made them a promise but those are just words, and words can get weird.
I think they made themselves perfectly clear.
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