Negotiating Bars

Post Reply New Topic

One of the very worst social thingys to negotiate in my opinion, is trying to get service at a busy bar.

I don't mind shops, 'cos you have a very well defined queue, and people tend to stick to them. Only once in my life have I had an issue where a woman jumped in front of me in a queue.

I never know whether I need to be a aggressive jerk at a bar, or if I should meekly hang about until everyone else gets served. The other day, I was a bit upset that I'd maybe asserted myself too much, and the barman served me ahead of another woman who was waiting there a long time (I had assumed she was just drinking at the bar or something).

It's an example of one of those "unexplained" etiques and rituals people engage in without giving any real thought. But without being directly told everyone seems to know the rules better then you do.

bars are hard indeed, to negociate them; i usually wait about 2-3 minutes to see if i'm noticed, looking at the bartender, cash/wallet in hand; making it obvious i want to order.
if after these 2-3 minutes, he hasn't reacted to me with a 'be right there' gesture, then is when i start actively 'becoming a jerk' by just screaming an order if the tender gets close to me and isn't preparing another order at the moment.

i rarely get flagged off by this, so i guess i found some kind of sweet spot in expected waiting time...

This is what I was going to suggest. If you can do it, make eye contact with them-I don't know if this bothers you but it does help-while you hold up your cash/wallet; if you can't get that much of their attention, you can be loud but polite in calling out your order when they get close without being considered to be a jerk. Sometimes they're just really focused on what they are doing because they are so busy. Unless I know it's a busy night that's going to stay that way, I usually find a seat and wait until the crazyness dies down a little

ExACTly!

Personally the only time I had trouble getting service at busy bars was when I used to visit nightclubs, on my own, years ago. Not to put too fine a point on it, I stood out as someone who just didn't connect with the environment. Therefore, particularly at one specific club, it would take me an hour to get served at the bar, no kidding; and when I spoke up for myself or asserted myself for faster service the bar staff would threaten me with having me thrown out of the club.

Other than that, no real problems I can recall. Most visits I make to bars are to a Wetherspoon's or a theatre bar where I tend to be known and the staff seem fair. On one occasion a Wetherspoon's staff member refused to serve me, and served everyone but me. He was never seen again after that.

i don't know either.
i always kind of deliberately linger back til last, because i'd rather people pushed infront of me than i pushed infront of someone else and seemed rude:/
or just stare at the barperson (in a non-starey way) until they catch my eye and ask if i'm being served. i have freaky eyes so that usually works adequately.