Is unlikeability inborn? Do I exude it like a pheromone?

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In my building, I have some new neighbors, the first people my own age to move in. They're very nice, and I've invited them over a couple times for drinks or a movie or to chat, but they've never taken me up on it.

I just wonder, like I do with everyone, that I'm simply not likeable, that I only have value when I have something to offer the other person materially? Am I not desirable as a person? They sure needed me to help them move a couch, and they were sure glad to accept my wedding gift after they invited me.

Since then nothing. I just don't think I'm likeable. I think I'm tolerated, while I have something to offer, and when what I have to offer is no longer desired, I am no longer desired either.

I work for a documentary production company, and sat down on camera recently for a behind the scenes making of feature for a new production.

I was horrified to see myself afterwards. I loathe my appearance...my nose points out too much, my head too misshapen. I feel rodent like, and my thick glasses distort my eyes.

I thought, "No wonder people don't care to be around me." It would seem they can do much better, and would rather not be seen with me, or else they'll be thought of poorly for hanging out with such a sad sight as me.

Mid-20s to early 30s, I really think the arrow runs:

like --> find attractive

Plus, a good hair stylist can do wonders. And skilled, decent clothes sales people (in my earlier years I took the book Dress for Success too mechanically)

My strong suit is my passion to intellectually dive deeply into topic(s) I'm interested in. It took me a long time to realize, I don't need to try that hard. That socially, someone is either going to like me or not like me based on small things, and that's okay. And that there are a lot of ways of being smart.

Living in apartments in Houston, I observed that people don't want to get 'bogged' with their neighbors (I think they're potentially missing some good opportunities). And that, with accepting that there is a great deal of random flux in social interactions, has helped some.

God this is why I'm so desperate to find a girlfriend. I'm losing my friends left and right as they marry and no longer have time for me, and I can't manage to find new friends.

If only I had a girlfriend so I would have a companion of my own and wouldn't be so lonely all the time.

Maybe it's the way you're coming across nonverablly. Sometimes when people have problems with body language or social context, people are likely to interpret that person differently, especially if they don't know them well. Perhaps you need a bit of social awareness: you could try asking someone close to you what it is that could potentially make a person avoid you, and then to be mindful of these things. It doesn't mean you have to change who you are as person, but to just work on some of the things that could make people feel uncomfortable around you.

Also, a girlfriend won't solve anything in the long run, but developing your self-awareness might open you up to possibilities of both platonic and romantic relationships.

They just got married? Well, they're newlyweds. Sometimes people aren't into socializing much. I know a lot of people who, because they get social time at work or with family, don't feel a need for much more. And newlyweds or engaged couples live in little bubbles of their own anyway. It sounds as if they appreciate you as a neighbor - they invited you to the wedding.

With your neighbors, maybe you ask them to come over too often, which would make you seem needy. For some reason, people don't like people who seem needy...I don't either but I'm not sure what the logic is behind it, it's just a feeling of aversion.

So next time you see them, maybe you could just ask them how things are going? Sound interested in their lives? Just DO NOT ask them these two deadly questions: "How's married life?" "So, are you thinking about having kids?"

With people in general, I'm not sure, maybe you just have to start talking to different people? Everyone's preferences are different. I don't think it's possible for one person to be universally unlikable by all of humanity. Maybe you can get involved in a hobby that requires social interaction, or volunteer for someplace in your area. I think there are singles meetup groups in many areas, for people who want to have a good time without their ever-busy married friends, hehe. Do a search on meetup.com.

I know what it's like to be separated from your friends due to life circumstances. It absolutely sucks. After high school, most of my friends went away to college, and the friends I made in college are now all busy with jobs.

In some ways, them not taking you up on the offer, don't take offense to that. They themselves could be, well, anti-social. Like in some areas, people are just more social than others. Like down south, you'll meet someone and talk with them for 5 minutes and they'll invite you to eat. Here up north (CT) where I live, that'd be about unheard of. In some ways, too, inviting to dinner is seen almost as a formality, I know in Japan, you're supposed to say that, but people know you don't mean it. So like, you'll move in, everyone will be like "Oh, we should go have dinner sometimes" and then you take them up on the offer and they'll be like "Oh I didn't mean that." Japan is an EXTREME example, but many times people just say things like that and don't actually expect the other side to follow through. Especially if you just met them, and are inviting them.

So if you wanna get to know them more, strike up conversations with them when you see them, however don't talk for too long (my problem) and eventually you'll do more together. Or not. You know, some people just don't wanna be your friend.

So in this case, no, I don't think it's because you're "unlikeable" or anything. It's just culturally "having dinner" isn't done as much anymore. To a point, asking your neighbors to dinner is like unheard of now, it'll probably even die out this generation (like the nuclear family and family and cooking.)

This reminds me a bit, I had really cool Indian neighbors, and they were a younger (like 30s) married couple with a kid, and they invited me to dinner twice, second time I followed up. Oddly enough it was my own social awkwardness that made me get to know them. I ran out of basmati rice, and I was about to head to the store when I saw my Indian neighbor, and I was like "He's Indian, he'll have basmati rice and I'll save a trip to the store" and I was right. They also gave me a crapton of cloves after, too, but they invited me to dinner at least twice before I took them up, and it was really great, their food was even better than the restaurants here. Sadly, though, they said they had NO friends here, and their house was immaculate, they spoke English totally fluently, they had a 42" TV, both had great jobs, seemingly like "perfect" people but they were foreigners and people were like "ahh f**k them they're foreigners." I lost contact with them when I/they moved (That's another social issue I have problems with, if it's appropriate to call friends you've not talked to in months/year or more.) But they were really cool, and it was sad they had NO friends in this entire state. That goes along with some comments about my state being bad, one guy said everyone in my state is unfriendly and only foreigners invited him to dinner. Fits my experience to a T.

Be careful, because when you find someone you could be equally jealous of your bachelor self. Finding a compatible and understanding companion is best, or one that works a different shift that affords you some time alone every night.

Usually couples are out to meet other couples. And neighbors might accept an invitation if you have something stronger in common than age. Or if some time has passed and you keep finding small things in common. I have neighbors in my age range whom I talk to very often, have done so for 4 years, and we've only briefly been to each others' apts. when the need rose, never invited each other, but that can come to pass one day.

I've met people like this. There didn't seem to be anything obviously wrong with their behavior, but they acted as if they didn't have any boundaries and would possibly be obsessive if you turned them down. Scary.

There was a guy with horrible teeth who was so filthy he had what looked like old dirt on him as well as his car. He was very friendly and wanted to ask me out, but he never terminated the conversation....I always had to say Oh, it's getting late, I need to go home. It seemed like he had all the time in the world, like he was a gaping bottomless pit that needed to be filled. He was indeed needy but in a way that screamed that he would grab on tight if you let him in a little.

Ironically, I probably seem this way myself, so I had sympathy for the guy nonetheless. I think it is important to have something going on in your life and for others not to think that you would zoom in on them if given the chance.