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BabyYoshi
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12 Jul 2011, 1:01 am

I get my texts, facebook, and email ignored by a lot of people all the time. People basically tell me that it's right for them to ignore me just because they have the right to do it. People tell me "if someone doesnt wanna be bothered with someone then they should ignore that person if that person writes them", or "no one has to reply to you!", or "no one is obligated to respond to anyone's message".

Do you guys believe that just because someone doesn't have to talk to you that it means that it isn't rude and it's right when they do it?



Roman
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12 Jul 2011, 1:30 am

In my situation I feel it is unfair because it basically means that if someone doesnt like me there is nothing I can do to get them like me again since they will ignore everything about me from that point on. Since judging someone is the most likely motive for ignoring messages, I dont feel it is right.

But then again, I "dont practice what I preach". As a result of my workload on physics I usually ignore most of the messages I get unless somehow they strike my interest. So in a sense I do "judge" when I say "this person is not my latest obsession so I will ignore them".

I guess the combination of social insecurity (need of attention from others) as well as stress at work (not having time to GIVE attention to anyone) is what makes me set different standards for myself and for others. Case in point: I routinely ignore all of the messages from my girlfriend because they are long adn I don't have time to respond. But then when all of a sudden she stops writing to me then I get obsessed about her; at THAT point I would write her and then keep checking email desperately waiting for her to write back. And then when she starts writing again I would ignore her again.



BabyYoshi
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12 Jul 2011, 1:38 am

Roman wrote:
In my situation I feel it is unfair because it basically means that if someone doesnt like me there is nothing I can do to get them like me again since they will ignore everything about me from that point on. Since judging someone is the most likely motive for ignoring messages, I dont feel it is right.

But then again, I "dont practice what I preach". As a result of my workload on physics I usually ignore most of the messages I get unless somehow they strike my interest. So in a sense I do "judge" when I say "this person is not my latest obsession so I will ignore them".

I guess the combination of social insecurity (need of attention from others) as well as stress at work (not having time to GIVE attention to anyone) is what makes me set different standards for myself and for others. Case in point: I routinely ignore all of the messages from my girlfriend because they are long adn I don't have time to respond. But then when all of a sudden she stops writing to me then I get obsessed about her; at THAT point I would write her and then keep checking email desperately waiting for her to write back. And then when she starts writing again I would ignore her again.


From what I read you are no different than most people because you ignore stuff when you don't feel like replying. But I understand what you mean that judging someone is always the motive of ignoring messages, or replying. but when they ignore they're judgment of you is negative.



John_Browning
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12 Jul 2011, 3:40 am

Nobody can be obligated to listen to you unless they have a contract of some sort. It's not nice, but fairness is not an issue.


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wizzynoo
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12 Jul 2011, 6:20 am

As far as I see it, if someone is texting me, sending me emails, ringing my phone line, etc....then they are invading my space, and its up to me whether I respond or not.
It would depend on what mood I was in, and whether I was interested in being bothered to respond or not. And I wouldnt feel that I had to respond to them, just to please them. It might not feel fair to the person sending the message, but I would be more interested in how I felt, and being disturbed, rather than thinking about what their feelings might be.
But I'm not normal, and have aspergers and only 9% empathy,
Dont spend too long dwelling on imaginary reasons why they arnt replying to you. Move on and forget them. They will contact you if they want to.



Keeno
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12 Jul 2011, 6:58 am

It is rude. It isn't right. But people do it because they can.


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jrjones9933
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12 Jul 2011, 8:12 am

People have no obligation to respond, unless they place that on themselves. It also seems reasonable for the person sending the message to feel offended if they get no response.


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Moog
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12 Jul 2011, 8:26 am

Is it rude? I never intend to ignore anyone, I just have so much stuff clamouring for my attention, I sometimes neglect stuff.


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NUJV
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12 Jul 2011, 8:54 am

If I find a message pointless or stupid then I won't reply to it. I really hate being contacted unless it's something important. For instance, I hate "hi, we need to catch up!" messages because they have no point to them. Sometimes if a message has a point, I'll leave it and reply to it later when I can think of what to say, which leads people to think I've ignored the message when I haven't. I don't think I have an obligation to reply to a message. I find text messages very intrusive and rude, because it's like demanding someone to talk to you right now, this instant. I think that sending someone a pointless text and disturbing them is more rude than not replying to one.



chrissyrun
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12 Jul 2011, 10:05 am

BabyYoshi wrote:
I get my texts, facebook, and email ignored by a lot of people all the time. People basically tell me that it's right for them to ignore me just because they have the right to do it. People tell me "if someone doesnt wanna be bothered with someone then they should ignore that person if that person writes them", or "no one has to reply to you!", or "no one is obligated to respond to anyone's message".

Do you guys believe that just because someone doesn't have to talk to you that it means that it isn't rude and it's right when they do it?


I've done that a few times....but only if the person bugs me or we really just don't get along.