The meaning of friendship to my NT friend

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So I was talking to my NT friend about how I felt some girls who I was "friends" with me this past year were just "putting up with me" and how I was a sorry case for them, etc. Then he said, isnt that what friendship is all about, just putting up with people. And how he could probably be at least casual friends with almost everyone in the school. Then I told him that I had a very hard time trying to put myself in his shoes.
Dont get me wrong, my NT friend is an awesome guy, hes quite different then me but still awesome never the less.

So I get the idea, this is what friendship means to a lot of NTs, there just people who u happen to be around that you chill with. Someone wrote a good statement about this on 1 of the other threads. Most NTs, they wake up one day and they realize they've just been friends with someone for 1 month. You kinda just fall into it. Heck I dont blame them, if socializing and making friends was as analogous to walking, talking, eating, whatever, Id probably feel the same.

See Aspergers is the equivalent to being in a wheelchair social wise. Id guess majority of us on the board find walking normal right? Well NTs find socializing normal just how 99% of us find walking normal.

"A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body."

I consider friendship a deeper bond than simply talking. There must be something emotional. I feel loyalty to the people I consider my friends. This NT definition seems more like acquaintance than friend.

I think some NT's don't have as many friends as they think they do. It's kind of perception based. I know a lot of NT's who are very much like many people here. Wanting a friend, not being able to find a good close friend. I also have some really good NT people who I can rely on in need, who know they can rely on me, but we don't socialize otherwise.

i have had some experiences that relate to this.
a year ago, i was invited to the birthday of one of my (NT) friends, and i arrived early (that is, within 5 minutes of the stated time...)
now, since i was there, i helped him set up for the rest of the guests, becouse, indeed, i was there and he was busy, just standing there would be rude.
during that, he explained that he thought i helped him ot ensure he would help me in a simular situation, while i didn't even consider that, i helped becouse i was there and able to, not to gain some 'stree cred'

This is true depending on who you're dealing with. I often run into some really social NTs at times who are charismatic and attract a lot of people, and they are somehow fine with knowing a ton of people superfically. There can be problems with this, though.

My ex-boyfriend was one of these people, and thought that just because he knew a lot of people that they liked and respected him. After we broke up, many people he considered his ''friends'' told me he was an annoying, attention-seeking idiot and they were actually trying to stay away from him whenever possible.

Bottom line = close friends are the most rewarding, and less-than-close friends can be misleading.

I think it's better to have a few close friends than a lot of casual friends. My mom keeps stressing to me how it's "important to have lots of friends", but I don't like having too many friends. If I talk to one friend, it feels like I'm betraying my other friends. (Un)fortunately, I keep losing friends without knowing how. I think they just think I don't want to talk to them or I'm weird or something. In the end, the friends I have are the ones who are best-suited for putting up with me and they're some of the nicest people I know. It's kind of like evolution (a special interest for me), the ones who don't like me die off (leave), and the ones who are left are the best.

Oh yeah, I used to have a friend who would try to make friends with everyone. She had this belief that she was capable of becoming close friends with everyone. So shes always trying to get to know new people. The downside to that is very much demonstrated in our friendship and her friendship with another girl. We in the end did not get along, we just ended up pissing each other off. Her and another girl are supposidly close friends but they fight all the time. There like a bickering married couple.

Me and one of my friends are like a bickering married couple. I find it very enjoyable. It's all in good fun with us, though.

I don't think they really understand what friendship is, even if I don't. People always said I was a good friend. My family always moved around a lot, and I never kept in touch with anyone. When I later speak with old friends, they always ask what happened to me, that I dropped off the face of the earth. Sometimes people who thought we were best buddies would cry in front of me during a "chance reunion" because I forgot their name.

I don't know how to give people an excuse to visit, and I avoid visiting. Always at school there was someone who would try to spend time around me, and I never even thought about it as friendship. When I leave a social situation, I don't concern myself with anyone I was just around. Over the years I have become very good at memorizing peoples likes and dislikes, sense of humor, and stuff like that. It never occurs to me to call or write them or anything like that.

Ai Ling, you definitely sound like you can do better for finding good friends. Particularly many NTs see making "friends" as just another common task that pretty much everyone does, but what they really are thinking of is "getting acquainted" with people and just don't get or want to talk about something as deep as making friends. This person's response, especially as an NT, can definitely be an indication that he is not a good person for you to talk to too. It doesn't break the bowl, but it does add a crack to it or so.

I wouldn't necessarily push away the people around you now necessarily, but be very wary of what they say. Look for groups and conventions that share your interests and social groups with aspies or websites like this one. These are the type of people you want to be around more.

One thing I have noticed is that people don't really value friendships too much, or don't really think to deep upon them other than "oh that person is here so I guess I will talk to him." How many of those good high school friends really keep in touch with each other when they go off to college? It seems to me that many people are friends simply because it is convenient for them, but when they actually have to work a bit to keep in contact they prefer to take the easy route and not bother.

I find it annoying, because whenever I try to make friends with someone, I put in the effort to try and do stuff outside of where we first met (school or work), but they simply just don't care that much to put in any effort.

I find it annoying too. I'm glad you brought that up because I did not think of that. I've met some people whom I realize that their idea of friendship is only to be "close" to whomever is around them if they live in the vicinity. If someone moves away, they no longer have interest. Usually many social butterflies tend to be this way. So that person is not necessarily doing anything personal- it is their way of thinking. I mean, why ruin a good friendship even if the person moves, because you just never know when you'll be up in that area or if fate may play weird roles.

It seems that a few NT friends have referred to me as a close friend. When I just happen to become a consistent friend as in someone you would actually call up, get together constantly vs. someone you see around and talk because its convient and you might get together a occasionally or you would invite that person when throwing events or group get togethers. But you rarely would have a real conversation with that person. Even tho that's what is technically a good acquaintance, many people label that as friend. So I'd get very confused on the definition of close friend. Being the black and white thinking aspie I am, I tend to go all or nothing on friendships. So I ended up pulling in a lot more people then anticipated. And I think the friend I referred to in the OP thinks were close, I dont consider us close. We have an average friendship.

Before I learned what normal friendships were, I would only become close with people if I needed their help with something. If they were useful to me in some way. If something could ever come out of the situation.

I was talking about friendship with someone one day and the person told me how bad of a person I was for using friendship to get things out of people. I was so surprised and confused by it. Why else would people spend time together? For a while I thought that I might be a horrible person! I feel lucky that I have AS to explain it.

Later I found out that people make friends the way drug addicts take drugs. They do it to feel the high. When they spend time away from someone they get withdrawal and need to meet up with the person again to feel better! Well you see, I never miss people, so spending time getting acquainted is a total waste for me. It just wears me out and I don't realize what I could be getting back. Later on in friendship, the high gets higher, and again it is a drug analogy. You can be more obnoxious and more annoying to a closer friend because it's like when the drug's side effects get worse and you need a higher dosage.

Many people who you might consider as being normal use the drug method to all relationships, and when the addiction gets too high, they think they're in love.