When two people are not a good pair

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I was wondering if anyone had any ideas of red flags noting that two individuals who consider themselves friends aren't a good pair. I have had several people now whom I have seemed to click with for a while and then things gradually slide downhill in the relationship which causes us to bicker and then go our seperate ways.

I had a friend who got along with people who used to try and bully me in highschool. But that wasn't anything that he did.. but.. I still think there's a red flag when someone gets along with immature people.

Um.. Any physical or emotional abuse is a red flag. Actually just end the friendship immediately in this case.

Someone who doesn't have your back in a volatile situation.. (they agree.. but they just sit there and do nothing) is a red flag to me. This isn't saying they always have to agree either.

Someone who doesn't treat you the way they themselves want to be treated.. borrow money without paying it back, ask favors constantly and never give them, etc.

Anyone who talks about you behind your back and acts nice to you to your face.

Someone who is always putting you down and making fun of you in a mean way.

Someone who talks badly behind your back and talks about all your personal issues and things you have told her. It's like nothing can stay between you two.

Someone who comes over just to use your stuff and then they leave when they are done with it or leave when they can't use it.

Always giving you guilt trips so you can lend them money or give them rides or loan them stuff. Also trying to get you to give them special treatment or "you're not a real friend."

Someone who always leaves you out of things.

The biggest red flag recently for me was making me feel bad because I wasn't living up to their expectations about where and when I was supposed to be. Other flags were over beginning to try and control me as an individual and then get upset if they didn't get their way. Finally, they were not respecting my personal space, my situation, or that I have my own life and make my own choices.

There's nothing really wrong with those relationships.

Sometimes you just have a laugh with someone for a few minutes and then realise that you've not much in common.

That is the sort of relationship my mom and her boyfriend have......very bad match but what can anyone do other than them?

I once had a friendship that started out promising, but over time I realized that this person was very needy, clingy and demanding. And she had a really low self esteem which manifested with frequent put downs of herself, allowing other people to treat her badly and call them friends, etc. I had to end it because she was toxic.

The best option is a person who is happy with him/herself. The idea is "you are not with someone to make him happy, you are with someone to share your happiness with him, and him sharing his happiness with you". Happiness is one's own responsibility, not someone else's, if you depend on someone else to be happy then that person has full control over your feelings, and also he would have a los of pressure. If your partner expects you to create his happiness it's like having a children at home, and single. Emotionally dependent people tend to expect to be the center of the needs of a relationship, bad bad...

Any way in which a friend creates anxiety in you as a control mechanism or to get what they want. The person knows your level of anxiety and so it can easily be exploited. Or if they don't know, it's like they seem to be able to intuitively perceive your level of anxiety and could see through you, though that's probably because you gave away cues. Guilt trips have been mentioned and that's one example of how anxiety is created. Other than that, if they use scare tactics in any way, these may be used to get something out of you or simply to manipulate your beliefs about the world. I guess if you do feel any level of anxiety, that's your body telling you it isn't a comfortable situation and so you should reduce or end contact with the person. After all, the anxiety could affect your health. This is unless you're somehow stuck with the person in some sort of co-dependent scenario, and for that I don't have easy answers.

One of my ex friends used to try using guilt to manipulate. One extremely distasteful example, was when I had started dating my current fiance. We had gone to see a movie that was very popular and of course I raved about it to her. She, instead of being glad that I had a good time, whined about how it wasn't fair that I had somebody to watch this movie with, and her teenaged daughter had also seen the movie with her boyfriend, and her brother had gone with his wife, and she had nobody to see it with, etc. I suggested she simply go see it. She acted highly insulted. So feeling guilty, I offered to go with her, even though I had already seen the film. Then I remembered that it was very expensive since it was a recent movie, and wanted to know if she was willing to pay for both of us? She thought I should pay my own. I pointed out that I didn't want to pay to see a movie that I had already seen. So I didn't go.

This friend would call all the time, and try to get me to promise to call back, telling me that otherwise she would have hurt feelings. I got tired of the pressure, especially as she seemed to dislike my fiance. So I decided to end the friendship.