Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Garath
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 44
Location: Denmark

05 Sep 2011, 12:09 pm

Lately I have people continously mention to me that i'm always negative and that it's a downer for them. Generally I think it's true, not being happy about my life probably makes me react more negatively to things than most others. Unfortunately it also gets compounded by many of my comments being perceived as way more negative than I mean them, as a result of me missing out on displaying the expected facial cues.
Unfortunately it's a massive burden on my attempts at making friends. Any ideas to make it less apparant to others?


_________________
"Quantum mechanics teaches us that anything can happen at any time for no reason, also eat plenty of oatmeal, and animals never had a war"


Nereid
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 154
Location: San Francisco

05 Sep 2011, 2:14 pm

In high school, my friends used to call me Debbie Downer in reference to the SNL skit, and I still hear about it. I'm naturally more of a pessimist as well. Half the time I dont even think about it as being negative, it just happens to be what occurs to me first. What I try to do is since my first thought is often negative, try and think of a more positive way to word the same thing or mention something else. For example, someone will be talking about a particular tv show. My first thought is "the actor who played the dad died". Instead, I'd try to mention something positive like "that show was hilarious!" or something. Its hard to do, but at least if you can catch yourself sometimes you dont come off as all negative. As an extreme, you could always move to certain places in Europe. Apparently Americans are much more optimisitc than many Europeans.



AngelKnight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 749
Location: This is not my home; I'm just passing through

05 Sep 2011, 2:20 pm

Hard to say... the one general piece of advice I can give, something I've mentioned on these boards before is:

When someone asks "how are you?" you answer back "I'm fine." Even if you aren't. Especially if you aren't. Odds are good they didn't want to know how you're really doing.

The thing that helps keep me from being the vicious blue-veined prick I can be is to take a moment every once in a while to concentrate on something other than the people around. I usually have to make a point to town down the abrasive aspects of my personality.

Might try keeping in mind something about your life that's keeps you relatively happy or content.



jackbus01
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,197

05 Sep 2011, 10:46 pm

I seem to be somewhat of a downer. I don't do it on purpose but I just speak more realistically and less blindly optimistic than some do. Combine that with my awkward demeanor and everyone always things that I am angry and disturbed. I am not that angry and disturbed. I also don't appear that friendly and apparently don't "smile enough". My advice: you can't please everyone, they will either like you or not, just be yourself.



missymisfit
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 8 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 22
Location: UK

06 Sep 2011, 4:33 pm

People have told me I come across negative too even though inside I'm really happy but my NT husband says it's the way I say it, my tone of voice and the look on my face. I get misinterpreted a lot and have resorted to just saying the bare minimum! I cannot be bothered after 35 years of trying! I've noticed that the most popular people seem to not come out with facts or answering questions, they think of something funny to say that's even slightly related to the topic and if the other person laughs, they're on a winner! I can't get my head around the conversation starter's topic not being reciprocated in kind. Like leaving a question unanswered or a telephone ringing. I tried doing that (trying to come up with amusing quips) - and guess what, it wasn't funny! :roll:



Miyah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 741

06 Sep 2011, 5:05 pm

I have been posting things on Wrongplanet on here so that I can get help and like yourself, I have also been seen as a negative person just because I seem to look for things that aren't there and it's hard when I hear those things. I know exactly what you are going through my friend. However, looking at your situation, I am going to mention that you might want to try journaling your feelings and then looking at them later and decide whether those are negative or positive. I would also find one or two good friends with good advice and emotional support who are going to bring you up as a person and ask them for tips and advice on certain scenarios because I think it will help.