having friends at work

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There has been something that has been bothering me. Alot of the people I work with are around my age and alot of them are good friends. There's a girl who works in my department that I really like. Not romantically, just as a friend. I have alot of work friend on Facebook and saw she was on it too. So i decided to friend request her and she didn't accept my friend request. I was very upset because she had everyone else that we work with as a friend on there and yet it doens't seem like she wants to have me as a friend for whatever reason. It really hurts my feelings and I wonder what I did to turn her away from me. I know it's just Facebook, but it really hurts my feelimgs anyway because it's like she doesn't like me as a person and I don't know why. Plus she comments on alot of other friend's wall posts and that just makes me feel worse. Not only that, but I don't feel as if I fit in with anyone I work with. Alot of them are friends there and I just feel left out of the conversation. I don't know what to say and it frustrates me even more that I wanna talk to these people and socialize with them, but I'm not sure what to say or how make friends with them. It's like they're all buddies and I'm just an extra no one cares about. What do I do about these 2 situations?

I know the feeling very well and I have the people that like to screw with me trying to become my friends and I deny them because they just want information to use against me so they can cause trouble for me.

I can relate to how you feel.
I get very upset by facebook - it seems like everyone there likes everyone so much better than me.
What you have to remember is that it is fake. It's a website. It is much easier to be nasty or nice to someone online rather than to their face in person.
As for the girl you added and then she ignored you, she sounds shallow. Maybe it's good thing in disguise? Personally I find it easier and better to keep work life separate from personal life.
FB makes me glum and I didn't realise how much until I laid it to the side. I feel much better since I gave up that rubbish website and have been concentrating on nurturing relationships in r/l ways. I work best behind a PC so this is very hard for me, but I think one needs to push ones comfort zones in order to progress in life.

(P.S. Have you considered that the people you work with might just be cliquey a***holes and the negativeity is nothing to do with you personally?! LOL)

NTs use FaceBook the same way they use conversation in person - to stroke, suck up and lie to each other. If you're not going to participate in the gossip and the glib, fake BS, they'll ignore you just like they do everywhere else.

That said, I have clicked 'accept' on a friend request before and had it just not register, IDK why. Sometimes I leave a request unanswered for some time, if I'm not sure I remember the person. I don't reject it, it just sits there until I decide what to do with it.

Isn't it funny, though, how if you extend yourself like that and get no response, not only do you feel rejected, you feel like you can't put the other person on the spot by asking "Hey, did you get my friend request? I never heard back from you." Like they're gonna say "Why would I friend you, you pathetic dweeb? Piss off."

Hey Willard, welcome back.

I try not to friend work mates on facebook. I just dont want them in my private life.

However they seem to get offended that I don't tell them my life story and day to day personal issues. The other girls at work are all friends, however I am on the outside. My boss (male) even tells me that I need to socialise more and make my relationships with other people better. I told him I don't want to be best friends with people at work.

Doesn't help that I'm in IT, and the other girls are marketing\admin people, aka outgoing and all best buddies with each other.


I really hate people. They ruin my life.

I go to work to make money, not friends.

It's hard not to take a facebook friend rejection personally, but the reality is that it just facebook and there may be a number of possibilities going on. It is clear that this girl is very selective about who she adds.

Just because she may recognize you from work does not mean she feels close enough to add you, as lately many people only add people that they are actually friends with rather than, say, someone from work that they only occasionally talk to. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you, you are just beyond the limits of who she deems suitable as a facebook 'friend'.

The good news is that you can do something about it...just start interacting with them more. If you would like to get into this inner circle, do it very gradually, and perhaps start with one person at a time. Perhaps if you are both on a break, you can approach this girl or someone else in the office and perhaps do a bit of small talk...even if it's for 30 seconds. A little bit goes a long way. As long as both of you aren't interfering with your work, go for it.

I would slightly agree with the other posters in that a social life and work are best kept separate...but not everyone wants that. Some people clearly see that they are left out and would like to be a part of things, like the OP.

I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned this, but by reading your post it seems to me that you might have forgotten something crucial: does she know it was you that was trying to friend her and not some random person she doesn't know? I know that I personally sometimes have trouble remembering names and recognize people more instantly by their face. Plus it might have been a time where she hadn't fully read the name because she was distracted or she wasn't feeling well--I've made mistakes like that sometimes when I am not feeling the best physically or emotionally because I am not fully thinking straight at that moment. If you really are good friends with her, why not just ask her? I wouldn't be surprised if she said "oh, wait, that was you, sorry."

i have lot of my work colleagues on facebook.
but i never send them any add request
they all are so scheming, manipulative, gossiping all the time and bitching too....
i dont think anyone would add me also....since i keep to myself

its better to add work colleagues on facebook if you have a bond or good connection with them.
otherwise its just a waste.

besides we aspies are not good with socialising and we dont belong on social networking sites