Another reason why I choose to keep a smaller social circle

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I'm sure we all know the common feeling of being nervous or feeling mentally drained if we stay in a social situation for too long.
But besides that deal,I have another issue with being a social butterfly.

Every time I do temporarily open up and have to force myself to communicate for long periods,I actually do get people to like me pretty well.
I usually try to push myself hard say when I'm starting a new job,so people get a decent first impression of me anyway.But it's not a facade I can keep up convincingly for long.

Problem is that I usually end up trading numbers with a few people.It's good to have a few friends and all.
But it never fails before long my phone will be ringing at random hours of the day and night with acquaintances;constantly asking me to drop what I'm doing and go hang out/eat out/ go dancing etc etc.Many times I will eventually give in just to make them shut up about it.

I don't go on about it but I absolutely HATE spur of moment changes or plans,especially when my prior input was never asked in the first place.I'm the type of guy that likes to make my plans a while before hand.Being asked to drop whatever I'm doing for something completely random and spontaneous is one of my biggest pet Peeves

That's your problem right there. Start screening your phone calls. I only accept calls if I am expecting them or I know that I want to talk to that person. I have some close friends and I know they do the same. Or you can do what my sister does and insist on texting. It is less intrusive and you can easily see why that person wants to get a hold of you. With caller id and texting there is no reason you can't use technology to your advantage.

This is a great strategy. Texting is also less demanding, and usually if you respond to them later, others wont mind. Also make use of your voice mail, and if people do insist on calling, you can have it go straight to voice mail, and contact them at a time when you are socially ready to do so.

i just cant say NO.........i need to learn to be more assertive

I dont think that happens to most aspies....most of us have trouble attracting people who even want to be friends with us "shrug"

I can't speak for "most aspies", only myself, and I can completely identify! I love to socialise, but my friend pointed out recently that "you only feel comfortable if it's on your own terms". Which I think means socialising with specific people in specific places with specific activities, when I am in a specific mood and am prepared for the event; not just random last minute invites with randoms at random places.

I screen my calls all the time. I NEVER answer the land line unless I am expecting a call, generally I just let the voice-mail get it. If it is important I will ring them back at a time when I have had a chance to prepare myself for a telephone conversation. I rarely answer my mobile unless I want to speak to that person AT THAT TIME and I NEVER answer "private numbers".
You shouldn't feel bad about screening calls, just because you possess a phone does not mean you are obliged to answer it. The person calling you will NOT know that you are screening them (however paranoid you are that they might know). There are many reasons you may not have answered - you may have been on another call/in the bath/popped to the shop/have loud music on whilst doing the hoovering/walking the dog,/have a dead battery/be in a meeting/'turned it on silent and forgotten' etc.
NTs tend not to over-think these situations and will just think "ok, I will call them again later" or "ok they are busy, I'm sure they will call me back when they are ready".
I mostly communicate with people via text and in 90% of situations it works very well.

i prefer text messaging too
my phone hardly rings...
no ones calls me up.......im a bore character