TMI vs. not opening up

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Hi guys!

I have a problem with knowing how much to share in a conversation. This is mainly because I have a very strange life, so things that are disturbing, squicky, or just plain odd to most people are actually fairly everyday for me.

Sometimes I seem to share too much weirdness at one time, for example:

Teenager in youth group: So... do you have any hobbies?
Me: Well, I kind of like studying abnormal psychology, particularly the autism, schizophrenia, and dissociative spectrum.

Or in an attempt to avoid this mistake, I'll do the opposite:

Teenager in youth group: So... do you have any hobbies?
Me: Uhhh... [ tries to think of something not weird ] I like to watch TV.

Then there are questions to which I don't really have a good answer:

Her: So what did you do over the weekend?
(Hmm.... I had a few panic attacks, watched the same Doctor Who episode fifty times over, learned that one of my siblings was going to be in the hospital again, learned some new words in Polish, and noticed that my "mental radio" has begun telling lame jokes.)
Me: Nothin'.

Can someone help my find a better balance?

What do other people come up with when they talk about their own hobbies?

I think the best thing is to find a common point of interest.

...yes, I know, it's easier said than done. Heck, that's the hardest part, when your interests are strange.

Perhaps, theres ways you can phrase things in different ways or you can be more vague about the particular subject matter. I like reading articles on autism, other psychiatric condition. I simply tell people, I like reading articles online.

Perhaps instead of saying you like studying abnormal psychology. You can say you enjoy reading factual articles of interest, u dont have to specify what the interest is. Which simply translate to, you like to read. At the most, you can admit that psychology is one of your interest...not "abnormal psychology". Unless someone has a similar interest, people arent likely to ask in depth questions.

You can say, "I watched Doctor Who, I studied Polish for fun, I dealt with some family issues.

I dont know what you mean by "mental radio"? But its best to not mention that at all. In everyday conversations avoid mentioning references that are particularly obscure. Stick to general, everyday type things. If something is weird, make a very vague reference of it.

Often times you can anticipate the types of generic, everyday questions that people will ask. You can try coming up with answers beforehand so you know what to say. Just an idea of what your gonna say.

This. Don't add too much detail to your descriptions, that's usually what puts people off. Something along the lines of "I like reading about psychology" is both generic enough to satisfy the social convention and specific enough to allow follow-up questions. If someone is really interested in your hobbies, they'll say something along the lines of: "Oh, psychology, nice. What are you reading at the moment?" and then you can talk about your specific interests.

I have terrible trouble with this myself. I'm a walking bundle of TMI. It's only through many abruptly ended conversations that I've acquired somewhat of a filter

Hi Chris,

If I asked about your hobbies and you said "Well, I kind of like studying abnormal psychology, particularly the autism, schizophrenia, and dissociative spectrum" I would think you were a really interesting person It's such a pity NTs have to ruin it for us normal people...

LOL, I was thinking exactly the same thing.

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Last edited by smudge on 17 Sep 2011, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Smudge, I can relate. It's hard.

I think sometimes a good strategy is to share your interests, but put it in "digestible" or "bite sized" terms to begin with. For example, say, 'I'm interested in studying psychology", then pause, smile, and wait for their response. They might ask, "what kind of psychology?", and then you can give them more detail.

If you've found even a few aspies who are interested, you are lucky. I don't have time to find even a few. There's only one person in my life who stimulates me intellectually and I hardly ever get to see him

For me, I no longer feel it's such a big deal if a person tunes out or loses interest while I'm talking. I've learnt over the years not to take it personally. I also tune out to other people sometimes.

I think it's up to society to be less judgmental of neurologically-interesting people.

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Last edited by smudge on 17 Sep 2011, 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I got the same problem, actually in youth group, too. I think what most people do is just lie, or not do anything cool. You can also start rambling on about your interests, and then people won't ask you again. They also might not talk to you again either. That always works.