So I once posted before about this girl that I met and how she introduced herself to me because she can 'relate' or whatever to me being 'shy'. So anyway, over this time period that we have known each other, I feel something... maybe negative from her? I can't really tell, but I feel she might be insulting me sometimes, and its starting to bug me. I mean, we started off knowing each other ok, and she was nice and all, and I think she is nice, but I sometimes feel insulted by what she says to me or how she treats me. We are in the same class together, so I see her everyday (Except if she is absent). And when ever we talk, somehow she always comments on 'the way I am'; for instance she asks me always why I talk so little, it bugs me because other people don't talk that much but people always have to comment on me just because I don't say something every second. She also does it around other people as well, which I think is sort of rude. I mean, she once told me she 'understands' but I think its all false, because if she did she wouldn't treat me like that right? Another thing she did which really actually got me mad, was she told this one person who I really like as a friend and who talks to me lots, she told her that I am just faking and that I don't actually listen, which isn't true, I listen, but she made it sound like I actually have no interest in the conversation or that I am just a programmed doll, which isn't true because even if I don't say anything or respond I will always listen.
So then there are those things that bug me about her treatment, but then recently, (well about maybe... 2 or three weeks ago?) she seems? to just be ignoring me all together. I mean, she won't even do a smile or say hello at the least. Even when I sit very close to her, or today I sat right next to her, she looks like she actually goes out of her way to ignore me. I have trouble saying hello to people, so usually I just smile, but she never seems to look at me to know I'm saying hello. I feel sort of saddened by this, because I wouldn't do that to anyone or ignore like that. I'm not saying she has to be my friend or anything, but recognition of knowing, even just a smile, that's enough for me. But no, she doesn't even show any sign of ever knowing me at all. And the only time she will now seem to show recognition of me is if I'm with someone else. I mean, maybe she's just tired from school, because I notice that whenever she seems like this to me she looks frustrated? Also, I realize that the problem is probably me, but still I feel my feelings shouldn't be ignored. I've always been trampled on when it comes to how I feel, so I think that although it is my problem I don't talk enough for her, I still don't think she should treat me like this (if she is doing that purposefully).
So anyway, what should I do? I sort of feel like commenting to her about it, but that would take so much effort I'm sure the words would come out strange, and also I get too emotional so that also would constrict my voice. Maybe too, I'm just imagining things? I mean, it could just be a combination of things which lead her not to talk to me? I don't care if she is my friend or not, but just as someone who I see in class everyday and who knows me, this isn't normal right? especially is she was the one to try and know me first. In summery, it just bugs me that she always has to comment on my behaviour and how suddenly it feels like she ignores me...
14 Oct 2011, 4:37 pm
