Angry with friend's parent

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Nearly a month ago, I went to meet up with two female friends at a festival. One of these friends is more severely disabled and lives with her parents who are pretty strict. They are also extremely over protective with her and that that jazz. It was during the festival that I had several run ons with her mother who I felt was rather rude and condescending with me. I had finally gotten fed up with being ordered around and decided to tell her that I pretty much knew how to do things. I also mentioned that I didn't need to be condescended and then walked away to cool down as I needed some space.

Her mother took this as offense and walked by me and said, "Bye," and then said my real name in a very sullen tone. She passed me with her friend and left which left me upset enough to send her a message about how I felt later on. However, her mother never responded back to me by calling or writing back. In fact, her daughter was so embarassed that she asked me to drop the subject the next time we spoke which was last night.

How should I have handled the situation without offending anyone and sounding disrespectful?

That's the part, someone needs space, just graciously back off and give them space. Just give it some time. She's friends with you, the daughter, and she perhaps doesn't need a long discussion about this aspect of her mother.

You certainly have a right to stand up for yourself and say how you wish to be treated and specifically that you wish to make your own decisions (whatever the specifics of the festival). Maybe just saying something sooner and more matter-of-factly, although this is tricky. I've let things slide and sometimes that's the end of the matter. However, at other times, the person does other stuff or says other stuff, it builds up and I got angry. So maybe the second or even when the third time when I'm well-prepared, the person does or say something. And I have a heck of a time telling whether it's an oversight or whether the person is trying to play me. Perhaps respond as if it's an oversight. And it sounds like you were still fundamentally decent when you got angry. You have every right to say you do not need to be condescended to. And you have every right to walk away and cool off. In fact, I think decently walking away from an argument is a good and healthy thing, although some people do not perceive it this way.

And also, you just have to let the mother be mistaken, and that's a hard part, too. If she's not able to have a mature, adult discussion about this situation, so be it, I guess she's not able to.

I think you were past your breaking point, but still handled yourself well despite that. You were very clear about the situation and also apologized, which was the right thing to do. I think the fault lies with the girl's mother for not even bothering to respond to you.

Some people are extremely stuck-up, bossy and standoffish, though, and it's all about power. They like ordering people around and feel good about themselves doing so because it's the only way they can entertain themselves. I feel sorry for her daughter, and I wish I could give her a better daughter...it must be horrible having to live under her rules.

There seems to be no way to ever please these people though...it's like hitting your head against a brick wall. I guess my advice is to just ignore coming into contact with her as much as possible.

Yes, I can honestly say the same about her daughter. What I really cannot understand is the fact that this woman allows us to be friends if she doesn't seem to approve of me.

I had spoken to my therapists today about the situation and it sounds like I was trying to set boundaries with her. They also thought that walking away was healthy because it sounded like it was too much for me. Finally, one of them said that the tone of the women's voice sounded like angry sarcasm. To me, it was almost as if she was scratching her finger nails on a chalk board to hurt me back because she was hurt. At any rate, I am glad that I spoke to a counselor about her.

Is your friend an only child?

Yes she is an only child.

That doesn't excuse anything but it partly explains why your friend's mum is overly protective and obviously not used to the idea of letting go.

I don't think there's a clear right or wrong answer here. You need to look after yourself, and it isn't your fault that your friends parents don't seem to see their child (or her friends) as adults.

EDIT: Fixed grammatical error

Well thank you very much for clearing that up as I never would have thought about that. Still, I wasn't going to stand around and get treated like a dish rag. Again, my therapists insisted that I was trying to set boundaries with her parents and also to take myself out of the situation since it got to be too much.

Again, her mother was furious with me.