Hurt

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Couple of days ago my hubby's cousin invited him for a party. I never visit their house simple reason they are loud mouths, show offs and heavy drinkers..
But since my hubby insisted i went along. They completely ignored me as if i never exsisted, they had some other guest also and were drinking heavily.

I just sat surfing the computer the experience was bad and it hurt me badly.

I asked my hubby to invite them over but they are not replying to his sms and neither they are showing interest in coming over
Somehow they dont like my company and dont like meeting me either.

It hurts me badly that because of me my hubby's relation with most of the cousin, friends have soured badly.

Just because im quite, reserved they find me queer, dumb etc......im really hurt

Why can't you split this up? Your hb. visiting his family and friends without you? It makes no sense if you feel uncomfortable and misplaced. What's wrong with having own friends/interests also when married?

Oh come on. Forgive the man. He's probably mad too. You're just making it worse! Talk it out. If it escalates, then stay away for a day. Let tempers cool and talk it out again. Once you've solved it wif' hubby try and solve it with the cousins. It never helps to ignore, run, or hide from the problem. Healthy discussion is the number 1 part of a healthy marriage. Stay out of each others way, but keep up on each others business.

Are you an recovering alcoholic? Is it against your religion to drink? Probably not. Whats the trouble with drinking 1 or 2 brews and meeting new people? Oh yeah you have aspergers... Well those 1 or 2 beers will make you feel nice inside and willing to talk about a lot of things to anyone.
So next time you get the chance to converse over a couple brews in the safety of you numero uno, TAKE IT! You may make a fool of yourself, or be the highlight of the night. Either way it'll be alright the next day!

i am a indian woman and in india woman do not drink........its taboo
its pointless to drink whats the benefit of drinking
my father was a alcoholic and we bore the brunt of growing up in a disturbing family

@ namaste, i can see your point as i have the same hang ups about alcohol and smoking. But i guess you overdo it.

What if your husband would engage in, say, football? Or if he was a volunteer for a political party? Would you need to share his activities and spend time around him if you are not even remotely interested in it?

I believe that spouses can have some different interests and this doesn't mean they should split up completely. Just two or so evenings they spend without each other. With friends or own interests.

Your upbringing has molded you. No one can remold you. I can see how that would make you not want to drink.

However in my opinion, as with everything, drinking is okay in moderation.

Still... Talking could help you. It still stands that ignoring a problem is no good for anyone in the situation.

im not against weekend drinkings
im just against their weird behaviour of ignoring me completely and giving me cold shoulder

Are you searching for ways to better fit into this crowd (without resorting to drinking)? Or would you rather have this side of the family just accept you as is?

I don't like most of my husbands family, so when he goes to visit them I usually just don't go. I'm happy here at home doing what I want to do, or I go somewhere with a friend, and he's happy there with them. There is nothing wrong with that.

For a long time I felt that if somebody didn't like me, my husband shouldn't like them. It was a loyalty thing. Until I noticed that certain friends of mine don't like him, and I would be really mad if he felt I shouldn't like them. It's not a loyalty thing, it's just like anything else. You don't have to be together all the time when you aren't working. That's a huge mistake!

Don't overreact to this. Easier said than done, I know, I overreact a LOT. It's not worth your marriage over some drunk cousins. It's also not his fault that they treat you the way they do. Sometimes heavy drinkers feel that nondrinkers look down on them. They may feel that way, even though you aren't looking down on them. It's a defensive mechanism usually for them.

Just don't go next time. Plan something else either on your own or with a friend. Enjoy knowing that you don't have to deal with them.

Frances

ya i understood.
but i was just expressing my frustration by venting