Good topics to bring on a conversation with NT?

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22 Oct 2011, 12:16 pm

Hello, I'm new here.

I don't have as many problems socializing as many autistics have, but I definitely have characteristics of autism like introversion and atypical interests. I can hold a conversation with NT people for some minutes, but at some point I just don't know what to talk about. I like programming, science & technology, non-casual video games, politics and religion. Most NT about my age ( 18 ) and aren't interested on those things :( .

What do NT like to talk about which isn't "Friend X did Y"?



smudge
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22 Oct 2011, 4:23 pm

What work they do, and anything they mention - ask them about it. Also, what they're studying/studied. I'm not great at it, but I sometimes manage, particularly with knowledgable people because then it sometimes branches out into something that's interesting.

Hmm...soap operas if you watch them, the area they and you live in and anything that's on nearby, and shops/cinema leading to recent films you've watched...the place you're both studying at and the people inside it...

This may be obvious to you, but it wasn't to me for a long time...conversation is about relating, not impressing people with facts, or yourself.



Wolfheart
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22 Oct 2011, 5:16 pm

smudge wrote:
This may be obvious to you, but it wasn't to me for a long time...conversation is about relating, not impressing people with facts, or yourself.


I agree, I used to be like this, talking about a specific interest and blanking out what the other person was saying to me. People generally aren't interested in you babbling on about your interests unless they share that interest. People like to talk about what is relevant to them, they enjoy talking about themselves and they enjoy feeling a sense of self importance.



MetalAspie
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24 Oct 2011, 10:07 am

I find it best to talk about something thats going on that you can both relate to, like the weather, some community event thats going on, etc...or if you're in a class with someone, talking about something thats going on in that class, like how much you hate a certain assignment or something.



Cash__
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25 Oct 2011, 9:12 pm

NT males around where I live seem to talk about sports, cars and who can fart the loudest.



howzat
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30 Oct 2011, 11:58 am

Sports i would say.



Mego
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30 Oct 2011, 4:32 pm

You have them talk about themselves. Primarily the reason why I loathe "small talk." As my mother says, people love to talk about themselves. It gives people a feeling that what they are talking about (them) is important. Dont get me wrong I think everyone is important and I like people to feel good....but ugh.

Edit: I guess I should have given you a list of topics

1. Work/ area of study
2. Ask about their weekend or what their weekend plans are
3. Current events....although I have found that people nowadays are rather clueless
4. Social events/sporting events

I have also found that if you tell a story about some trip or whatever...they will start talking about their own experiences.



Tequila
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30 Oct 2011, 4:43 pm

smudge wrote:
What work they do, and anything they mention - ask them about it.


Prepare to be asked some uncomfortable questions if you're on bennyfits though.



Tequila
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30 Oct 2011, 4:44 pm

Cash__ wrote:
NT males around where I live seem to talk about sports, cars and who can fart the loudest.


And where to find the cheapest pint of gold piss.



invert
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01 Nov 2011, 3:56 am

Well, NT people in general is a pretty broad category.
I spend a lot of time with geeks, so it's pretty easy to talk about whatever fandoms or areas of scientific study that we have in common.
With people I know less well, I find listening well and asking questions works best. Ideally these are questions you have genuine interest in knowing the answers to. Most people are pretty happy to talk about themselves. I've also definitely studied a facebook page or two to prepare for time I knew I'd have to spend with someone with whom I was less familliar.



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01 Nov 2011, 12:10 pm

Most of my classmates like to talk about music, sports, celebrities, their plans for the weekend and what they want to do once they graduate from school. Most of the conversations don't seem to go into much depth and when I overhear people talking they tend to find a way to let it follow on to another topic before it reaches the "so... um.... I guess there's nothing else to say about that" stage in the topic. I'm not too sure how to do that though, I have a lot of people say that I change topics too abruptly.



Ai_Ling
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01 Nov 2011, 8:42 pm

Why don't you try join clubs revolved around your interests?

Otherwise, it depends, if you mostly know people from school. Typical topics are about your classes, how things are going, common activities, your opinions on the state of the school, what you did over the weekend. But yeah since your 18, many people love to gossip about other people, even people they don't know so well. That is pretty much what sustains a lot of conversations at that age.



fiooo
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01 Nov 2011, 9:31 pm

Sports, weather, and traffic are always good conversation starters. If you are friends with them and are in a 'circle' of people, talking about others and what they do is also a common topic. You also mentioned science and technology - then talking about new technologies that came out always make for good (technical) conversation.



anneurysm
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04 Nov 2011, 12:17 am

Ask the other person about themselves! I can't stress that enough. When you show you are interested in the other person's life, it engages the person because people love talking about themselves. Keep it light and casual. Talk about their jobs, families, pets, schools, and common interests you share.


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I am an anomaly. Diagnosed with borderline,"tentative" Aspergers at 7 as the school board required me to have a label in order to receive special education services. I did not fit criteria for ASD but that was the closest label that fit my behaviour at the time.

My longtime psychiatrist has confirmed that I do not qualify for an ASD diagnosis (but have traits & OCD-like traits).

Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).


MrEGuy
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04 Nov 2011, 10:33 pm

I keep a polished quarter on me at all times. When conversation starts to fade, I toss it on the floor and holler, "Oh, look! A shiny!"

I've found with NTs that occupies a couples hours of conversation time easily.



Gamarabi
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09 Nov 2011, 10:13 pm

When dealing with NTs (or anyone for that matter) ask them about their life. In my case, I prefer that I am the one doing most of the listening, and they do the talking (so I get information and a little more experience with what NTs think like and they get to have someone to tell stuff to.) So just ask questions, and if they get to one of your special subjects, I personally will talk about it a bit, but I am extra careful not to bore them and to give them plenty of oppurtuinity to change the subject away from one of my interest. Sometimes, because I want more information from them, I will change the subject away from my interest. (Which can be hard at first but after a while you get really good at it.)