Facebook anxiety/meltdown situation

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I got talking to a girl in a chatroom last night and as far as chat goes, it went very well. There's always a chance it's possible to present yourself in a better light in a chat than face to face. Well enough that she asked if we could add each other to Facebook - where I have an account yet it's a site I am phobic of in the first place so don't heavily use. As giving her my first and last name like I hear everyone else doing didn't work (too many people with same first and last name) I went searching for my user name (in the URL after the facebook.com).

I was in a bit of a guddle with this stuff because I'm still quite inexperienced with Facebook. But in doing so, I became shocked at the sort of stuff I viewed on my wall. I was only as shocked as that because of past experience with girls who are as attractive and capable as this one seems to be. I haven't put pics on my Facebook myself for privacy reasons, but have been tagged in other people's pics so these pics appear right at you when you view my wall. I mean, I certainly don't view my level of attractiveness as a negative thing - I don't walk around the streets or interact with people without seeing myself as anything other than reasonable in appearance - I have had girls online showing utter revulsion when seeing my pics. Those who do so have always been the more attractive, capable and visual girls, hence their greater attraction to things like Facebook. And this girl, for those who like to reduce girls to categorisation in terms of numbers rating attractiveness, would by all accounts be a 10. This is verifiable as legit by profiles on Myspace and Facebook.

Other factors are:

Age difference. While not underage or anything, or I wouldn't be talking to her, there is a noticeable age gap which is a thing some don't like. This would be clear to see on my Facebook.

Wall posts. One from a friend says "Did you get my two texts about our problems with females?" I'm sure this girl could be forgiven for thinking "Ummmm...... ?"

Autism. Since all the stuff I've done on Facebook revolves around autism, with friends who all have autism, this means immediate, wide open disclosure that I have autism. It's just that I find it difficult to disclose autism. For the girl to view my Facebook, is for her to suddenly delve into a world drenched in autism.

I then found that I couldn't stay on track with the chat or go ahead with adding the girl to Facebook, which was a shame because she was so well meaning and so deserves to get to know me better. I experienced severe anxiety and meltdown, which can happen to me when I'm 'confronted' with such a stunning girl. This is partly due to my love-shyness, and a bit of social anxiety; and the fact such a stunning girl was talking to me in the first place.

I then had a sleepless, shaky, sweaty night because this was such a distraction. After 'trigger shyness' last night of not feeling able to add this girl, I've now bitten the bullet and added her to Facebook, laying all my cards on the table as per my autism etc. It's just that this sort of thing, interacting with a girl as attractive, capable and pleasant as this, happens to me extremely seldom I can assure you. For someone like me it just feels a huge, overwhelming thing.

It continues to be a distraction, but let's see what happens.

Part of the anxiety is that you're worrying too much about what she might think. Girls are more likely to be atttracted to someone who presents themself openly and honestly. Who knows, she may think your autism is neat, and anyone who wants to get to know you at a deeper sort of level will likely find out eventually.

I would remove the "problems with females" post immediately if you are looking into dating. It makes you look desparate, and most girls get creeped out by desparation. That isn't something you should post on a public wall, anyway.

Please try to focus on getting to know girls and other people as friends, no matter how attractive they are. Girls can see through this, and they find this behviour somewhat insulting as they feel like they aren't being treated as full eprson. Get to know the person and try to see them beyond a level associated with their physical attractiveness. When you are dealing with this person, just see her as one of your other friends...doing so may lessen your level of anxiety.

i dont realy talk to anyone on facebook

i dont like the idea of dating on facebook

My kids made me a Facebook a long time ago when everybody started using it. At first it wasn't much fun, but now I keep that tab open on my window all the time. I do a lot of talking on there to family, friends, friends of the kids, people from groups I'm on, etc. I enjoy it. As a matter of fact, that's where I met the lady who is now my best local friend, who I hang out with a few times a month. Also, my kids are on mine, as are their friends. I can keep up with what goes on that way, without much effort at all.

FB has a new feature where you can put your friends into lists and can set privacy settings on each post, comment, picture, wall posts etc based on which group you want to allow to see it. You might want to look at that new feature. I haven't bothered with mine, because if it's complicated then I'm just not doing it as I'm not great with computers at all. You can also remove tagged pictures from your wall.

Frances