Invited to a club for a b-day...what the heck do I do?

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I was invited to a birthday tomorrow night. But I'm kind of paralyzed by what to do.

I only know the birthday girl, and our mutual friend. They're both younger, low 20s, so I might be the old guy there amongst college students and I'm afraid I'll be hopelessly out of place (though I guess I feel hopelessly out of place amongst my age group too).

It's in one of those edgy, fringe type clubs called "The a**hole." So you can imagine it'll be effing loud and lots of drinking, which are two things that don't mix with me.

This is basically a terrible situation for me. I don't even know what to wear...or if I even have anything to wear. I pretty much wear dress slacks and turtlenecks for work, have running clothes to work out in...and that's it. I'm not trendy.

I feel I must accept this kind invitation, and venture out of my comfort zone? But what good will come of it? What if I look like a fool and don't mix at all, and have to make a cowardly retreat in ten minutes because I can't handle it? What if I can't mingle or talk to anyone or have nothing to say? What if it's a disaster?

Hello!

What you'll leave there with is just that much more real-world practice when it comes to social interaction. If you don't go, then you'll never know, will you?

Just lighten up, and be yourself. Besides, everyone else there will probably be too drunk to notice anyway...

Have A Great Day!

Rob

If its low 20's, don't wear turtle neck and slacks.

Just wear a button-down plaid shirt and clean pressed jeans.

do go. it will be a really fun time or a social learning experience if its not.

just avoid loud agressive drunks, and if it gets too drunk, leave early.

that is what i do. i go to parties at 8 or 9, then i leave at 10:30 or 11, before people get too drunk.

Good advice, also Brian, try to appear as if you are having fun and positive night, dancing or just mingling and making brief talk with everyone. Don't fixate on a certain person and definitely don't sit in the corner looking like you are at a funeral peering at women, people want a great and fun night, if you are having one, you will come across as more attractive.

what does your gut feeling tell you

This friend thinks enough of you to invite you to their birthday party. I do think the proper thing is to go at least for a little while. Like others said it's good to get out of your comfort zone sometimes. Getting out of your comfort zone for something like this can help you in other situations as well knowing you survived and possibly had a good time.

Is this friend aware of your Aspergers and your problems with noise and crowds of people? I think she would understand if you didn't stay very long and would be honored if you came, especially if she knows of your difficulties. I know if I stay too long at things like that I end up regretting it later, they key is to not stay too long.

Hell I just don't know. My gut instinct says, "Don't go, stay home."

I seriously don't think I have the clothes to fit in. Work clothes, and t-shirts at home is pretty much it.

And it's not like I'm special or anything. This friend invited everybody, so I'm probably just another box she checked off on her facebook.

Really I'm not sure if I have any business being there. I'm terrified of dancing, I'm not sure how much small talk there'll be in a club and I just don't know what to do.

You know what? AS is WORSE than autism, because we're cursed with self-awareness and desire to do what we're not equipped to do.

I wish I was just a full blown autie, ensconced in my own world, oblivious to everything else...

No, don't do that. Say you don't think you'll be able to make it and offer a more comfortable alternative. See if maybe your mutual friend would like to split the bill and treat the birthday girl to a nice lunch or dinner this weekend, or some other comfortable activity.

Also, I've mentally divided people I know into two groups. Those that a close friends and those that are acquaintances. If it's a close friend, then they won't mind if I don't attend, especially if I'm still showing I care and offering possible alternatives. If it's an acquaintance, they are usually just happy that I gave a yay/nay RSVP at all. Either way, I don't have to feel guilty for declining an invitation.

oh! so it was not a personal invite just a facebook event which you got invited over

i think you should go, it could turn out to be amazing, or an amusing story at the least

pre-prepare an exit excuse. although you probably wont need it as it was an open invitation so you'll prob be able to slip out easily if you want

usually people worry a bit that not many people will show up, so she will probably be more than welcoming to you

just wear jeans and a fresh plain t-shirt

btw- a good conversation starter at bday parties is 'how do you know *insert birthday girl's name*?*

This is all really good advice :))

I think of birthday parties and other occasions with formal invitation as "training sessions" for dressing up and socializing. Participating is also a way to show interest in the person who hosts the party and willingness to be part of the "group". So, there is always something positive about such occasions in the end.

Also, I think that dancing is a very good way to "interact" with people without the need to talk :P awesome, right?? ;)

I'm so sorry, but I don't think I can do it. I don't know how to fit it. I just know I'll stand out among all these younger people. I can't even dance. I'll be a fool, I just know it. Or I'll stand by the side quietly, because who'll want to talk to this weirdo?

I'm too scared. I can't go.

I just wrote with my friend with regrets that I couldn't go.

God I really hate myself for not having the courage to go, but I just can't shake my fear.

So I guess you went with Rob's advice of



And being yourself meant staying in happily with your special interest of the moment being anti social.

The trick is to be happy being yourself, if you apologise and explain to your friend that you have a real phobia about clubs, crowds, rowdy drinking etc she will be understanding, people quite often take this sort of thing as a personal snub when left unexplained.

no, don't hate yourself! if a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, I think it is good just to avoid it. maybe you can buy the birthday person a present and this way show that you care. but if you really would like to give it a go, what if you say that you have to go somewhere else afterwards and you only have time for 1 drink. then you are supposedly off to a family event or something like that. If you find that you are having a fantastic time, just stay and say "oh well, apparently the family event is already over".

you can remessage on FB and say "you know what, I thought I couldnt come due to family event but I realise now that I can definitely stop by for a little on my way to the other place".

It just feels like everything is set up against us in terms of socializing. They're all just so terrible as far as noise, lights. You can't talk to anyone, and I'm just so scared of looking stupid. I'm so self concious. I walk around constantly looking out at myself, and believing I'm so awkward and weird, that any place I enter everyone just stops and says, "What's HE doing here."

My friend who invited me to the club is kind of punkish and the club is one of those underground type clubs. Very punk. I'm actually rather fascinated by it all, but completely outsider to it. Too self concious to dress punk, I fear ridicule, and wear the most innoffensive, nondescript clothes I can. But there, I will suddenly stand out.

I feel there is utterly no where where I can be myself except alone at home. That's not acceptable. But how can I change myself?