People who go on about themselves a lot

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Joe90
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09 Dec 2012, 10:19 am

Everywhere I have gone where there's a group of (generally) NT people, I've always found that at least one of them is the type who would go on about themselves a lot, to a fault. We can all talk about ourselves to some extent, but these types of people are ones who you'd notice how much they go on about themselves and end up getting fed up with them.

I started a new job about 3 or 4 weeks ago, and everyone there seem nice and I get on with all of them. But there's one woman who goes on and on about herself, and I've already found out now that not many people like her (although I don't think she knows or cares). If you ask her how she is in the staff canteen, she would then start ranting on about herself, all of her problems (which aren't real problems in the real world) in every little detail, and would never want to know how you are, and if you didn't speak to her, she wouldn't speak at all, so it's either all or nothing with her.

So, by observing different behaviours of other individuals, I have learnt that there are some people out there who you get caught with, talking about themselves for the whole duration you spend with them. How do you deal with these people? I do try to listen politely, but inside I'm like ''when's she going to shut up or change the subject?!''


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09 Dec 2012, 10:51 am

A lot of times you will find that people that talk incessantly about themselves are basically very insecure people. Since they don't have someone else to give them feedback on themselves and let them know they are a good person; they tend to take matters into their own hands.



Ann2011
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09 Dec 2012, 11:59 am

Joe90 wrote:
So, by observing different behaviours of other individuals, I have learnt that there are some people out there who you get caught with, talking about themselves for the whole duration you spend with them. How do you deal with these people? I do try to listen politely, but inside I'm like ''when's she going to shut up or change the subject?!''

I find this to be true of a lot people I deal with; they will talk about themselves endlessly if I let them. It's quite tiresome; I don't know why they think they are so interesting. Best to let them ramble on until you can find an excuse to extricate yourself. With people like this there is no point in interjecting anything meaningful about yourself; why bother, they don't care.


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Uprising
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09 Dec 2012, 1:40 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Everywhere I have gone where there's a group of (generally) NT people, I've always found that at least one of them is the type who would go on about themselves a lot, to a fault. We can all talk about ourselves to some extent, but these types of people are ones who you'd notice how much they go on about themselves and end up getting fed up with them.

I started a new job about 3 or 4 weeks ago, and everyone there seem nice and I get on with all of them. But there's one woman who goes on and on about herself, and I've already found out now that not many people like her (although I don't think she knows or cares). If you ask her how she is in the staff canteen, she would then start ranting on about herself, all of her problems (which aren't real problems in the real world) in every little detail, and would never want to know how you are, and if you didn't speak to her, she wouldn't speak at all, so it's either all or nothing with her.

So, by observing different behaviours of other individuals, I have learnt that there are some people out there who you get caught with, talking about themselves for the whole duration you spend with them. How do you deal with these people? I do try to listen politely, but inside I'm like ''when's she going to shut up or change the subject?!''

I think the woman in your example suffers from the "I'm the most important person in the world and everybody should listen to me or f**k off" combined with the "I'd rather get ripped apart and eaten by lions than having to listen to what another person is saying".



Yuzu
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09 Dec 2012, 2:21 pm

Tell her that she should start posting on Wrong Planet.



Aharon
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09 Dec 2012, 3:04 pm

It seems everyone else in the room has the social grace to politely vanish; then I'm stuck with this person monologging about all this emotional stuff that I feel is either none of my business, their own fault (and im not going to tell them that), or both. That scene happens to me too often.


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League_Girl
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09 Dec 2012, 5:18 pm

Isn't it an aspie thing to go on and on about yourself? I am not saying she could have it because it's not exclusive to AS. It can also be part of Narcissism or just someone with low self esteem and is a drama queen. But what is the difference anyway between an aspie doing it and a none ASD person?


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btbnnyr
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09 Dec 2012, 8:17 pm

There are many NTs who also go on and on and on about themselves. My mother told me about someone like this at her office. This person is annoying to almost eberryone. I find that NTs tend to talk about eberry detail of their lives and inner minds, while aspies tend to talk about eberry detail of some topic like a video game that they are obsessed wtih.



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09 Dec 2012, 8:39 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Isn't it an aspie thing to go on and on about yourself? I am not saying she could have it because it's not exclusive to AS. It can also be part of Narcissism or just someone with low self esteem and is a drama queen. But what is the difference anyway between an aspie doing it and a none ASD person?


I thought that someone with AS would be more likely to go on and on about their interests than their personal life.


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10 Dec 2012, 3:54 am

Must be an NT trait they have then or they have other issues that would make them want to talk about themselves all the time. I knew an aspie online who always talked about herself and I had no problem with it because she was just sharing life with me but I had no idea she was boasting about it and trying to make everyone jealous and then she decided she will start exaggerating and making stuff up to make everyone jealous. She just had insecurity issues and inferior complex and thought everyone was better than her so she had to be better than everyone else. Nothing was good enough. But she had bipolar disorder and some personality disorder some people have suspected. plus she told me before she was Bipolar and then she quit taking her medicine thinking it wasn't helping and she went back to her old self. Being all bitter. The way she did it, no NT does it that way nor an aspie. I quit talking to her two years ago because I couldn't stand it any longer and telling me I am aspie so I have to put up with it was the last straw. I just blocked her out of anger and left her blocked after I was cooled down because I didn't feel like a true friend.


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Mummy_of_Peanut
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10 Dec 2012, 10:11 am

I've known a gran for a few years. We went to the same parent and toddler group and my daughter and her grand children are at the same school. I've never uttered more than a few words to her (and I talk loads). She has spoken at me for years, going on and on about this and that and I've never once found a space in her dialogue to respond, so she doesn't have a clue what I've been thinking about the things she's been telling me. I know lots about her and she knows nothing about me. I doubt she even knows my name. Her daughter says the family is worried about her, because she's losing weight and that she's a worrier. I actually think she has an anxiety disorder of some sort, but I admit I and others try to avoid her.

But, I know another Mum who speaks about herself a lot too, although I get plenty of chances to talk back and I like her. I think she's on the spectrum, but doesn't know. She wears tinted glasses and tells me she has sensitivities to light, etc and other things about her cause me to think this about her. But, the main thing is the fact that any conversation I start does get round to her experience, immediately. It's not like conversations I have with others, with me telling them something and the other person asking for more detail about it, then eventually getting on to their story. She's not a self centred person, it's just the way her mind works and I can see myself in her. I'm not a self centred person either, but when someone tells me something about themself, I'm immediately reminded of my own experience or something I know about someone else, so I have an urge to tell them, mirroring their experience and continuing the conversation. Usually what I have to say is of help (and that's my intention), e.g. someone tells me about an illness they've just had and I tell them I've just had it, confirming that it probably is just a bug and nothing to worry about. Maybe they're just looking for sympathy and they think I'm trying to outdo their illness (people can be like that). So, I can't help wondering if people think I talk about myself too much too.


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