I think I need to have a party but don't know how, scared

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Brianruns10
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01 Jan 2012, 10:35 am

The holidays have convinced me I need to change in 2012. I'm 27 and I spent New Years eve with my parents at home watching the Twilight Zone marathon. And I'm spending New Years Day with them for dinner.

I should preface that I love spending time with my parents, but it's just not NORMAL. And I'm so scared that I'll be too attached to my parents for a social life, and when I inevitably lose them I'll have nothing. I have an uncle who is like that...he still lives with my grandma, and god knows what he'll do when she's gone.

Thankfully I don't live with my parents, but it still scares me that I'm not focusing enough on new bonds.

But dammit I'm so scared to have a gathering. I'm afraid that people won't show up, or that only a few will, and when they see they're the only ones who came, they'll be embarassed and feel sorry for me, and see that I'm pathetic.

I keep my place clean, but it's not terribly new, and it's in an older part of town....safe, but a little close to some iffy areas. Do I allow people to see where I live? Will they lose respect for me by seeing what my station is?

And even if people do come, what the hell do I do with them? I don't know how to entertain. My idea of a good time are board games and movies, but my movies are all classic and foreign films. I don't have a stereo for music, because I don't really have any music aside from film scores and classical. I haven't bought a video game system since N-64, and I've not the inclination or the money to buy a new one...not to mention I don't have a big TV.

It just seems like I'm so out of step with my peers, and to get in step would require so much money I can't spare. I so dearly, desperately want some companionship, but I'm afraid it could cause more damage than good when they all see just what kind of a person I am.



Nay
Snowy Owl
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01 Jan 2012, 10:44 am

hi brian, real friends are the 1s who show up dnt worry bou who'l show up, jus say ur havin few drinks round urs an invite tem, music is a must tho, dnt worry bou films jus put on food wen dey get t urs an jus chat away, gud music? - (guru josh project infinity is gud tune an anytin by lil wayne)



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Jan 2012, 10:45 am

Yeah, people won't understand it's normal too, so they would think of you as abnormal. That alone harms your social life because any potential buddies won't consider you for anything social.

Don't start changing by doing a home party, forget about that.

For now, you need to start with smalls things, like going to pubs, to gym , try to interact with people whenever you are.

Can't give you more advice because I am still at an early stage of this.



Dunnyveg
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01 Jan 2012, 11:38 am

I agree with some of the other posters; a party probably isn't the best idea if you're trying to make friends. The most socially apt normals can deliberately make friends. It's been my experience that making friends for us has to be a more natural, organic process--i.e., it's something that just happens.

I've got more friends right now than I've ever had. This is because I've been able to connect with people who share my interests.



pastafarian
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01 Jan 2012, 11:42 am

The Face of Boo is right. I'm not sure having a party is the best start to try and socialise more.
Easier ways to make new friends might be volunteering or joining clubs (ramblers, reading groups, conservation workers, uni clubs that allow public like sports groups, pub quiz teams, online dating stuff (can still just be friends). Theres a million clubs where I live for any interest. Are you in a city?

Adult education is good as its comfortable. People are trying to learn stuff so they tend to be nicer.


Go mad. Join a knitting group, there is never enough male members and the women are mad and lovely and welcoming.

Then when you make new friends, when they get to be good friends they can help you throw the party. (Its always easier when two people have the party).

All that stuff about where you live... well would you want to go to a party frequented by folk who cared about that stuff? Ask your new friends to do music. Sigh, I used to have so many parties.



pastafarian
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01 Jan 2012, 11:44 am

PS when you make a few new friends, ask them round to dinner and have small gatherings then build up to mighty raves if you still want to.



goodwitchy
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01 Jan 2012, 2:50 pm

I agree with what everyone else has posted.

It's probably better to begin socializing outside of your home. Not only that, but think about this - if you're prone to getting stressed about being around other people, or if you're the type of person who needs your own space, then when you have house guests, it's nearly impossible to get away from them in your own place, and it would seem rude to send them home when you've had enough.

If there are certain people who you might appreciate being friends with, my suggestion would be to invite a few (like 3 or 4) people out for lunch. There would be less pressure on you by having more than one person to engage the conversation, and you could leave gracefully if needed - say you have a headache or are not feeling well if you must get away.

Just my suggestion. If you're more social than I am, then maybe a house party is a good idea. For me, it would be a lot of pressure.