Should I do this?
went to a friend's birthday party last night who happens to live with a parent. Because they live with their parent, it involves living under their thumb. Like most people with High functioning Autism and Asperger's this friend has things that they like and enjoy talking about on a constantly level. Their parent will immediately nag at my friend and stop with by saying their name in a very condescending manner. They will also nag at them in everything else through out an event when they are together. They will often do this by calling their name several times in front of other people. They then by like, "That's enough,"or "No so loud," as if they are four years old. I finally started hinting with their parent last night by mentioning that the it was alright if their child to do this or that because I used to be there too and had my obsessions and limited interests. They took it rather well even though I did not say
I was thinking of mentoring my friend's parent by mentioning that although I don't know the full story, that I feel like they are nagging at their child too often. All the while, suggest that the two of them communicate among each other before and after social gatherings.
Should I mention this or leave it alone? I certainly don't want to put someone on the offense. I also don't want to loose their child as a friend because they felt like I blew up.
You might want to talk to your friend first. If your friend truly doesn't mind being nagged by their parents, then there's no real reason for you to bring it up. After all, it's possible the child values the parents' guidance, and feels more comfortable in social situations because the parent is there to help monitor them. But if the child feels really annoyed or embarrassed by the behavior of the parents, then it might make sense for you to talk to the parents, or to encourage the child to talk to the parents themselves.
I don't know if you need to mention it to your friend, or even their parent outside of an incidental context.
Sometimes it's hard for parents (and their kids, however old) to break out of seeing a person as their child, and it's difficult to imagine them as independent and a fully formed human being. In my experience the best thing you could do in this situation is what it sounds like you're already doing--set a good example of personal respect when you're around both of them, and don't be afraid to offer your own experiences as anecdotal advice.
