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Fablemoon
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11 Jul 2020, 7:09 am

Every time i try and open up or ask questions people get really mad at me. For example this one person who im otherwise very close with. He is really nice to me when im happy but when he does something I find confusing or hurtful and I ask about it he gets really mad. And its usually over something really dumb and I'm only asking very easy simple questions.
For example maybe he is at the store on his was to where I am and I say "can you bring me some bread from the store" and he says yes but then when he gets here he doesn't have the bread with him and I say "why didn't you get the bread?" Of course he can say he forgot or something and ill say okay no problem but instead he ignores the question or gets irriated if I ask again. And if I tell anyone how I'm feeling about a boundary or way they treat me they also seem to get mad or look at me in a horrified way. Can someone please explain this to me?



kraftiekortie
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11 Jul 2020, 8:24 pm

I feel like the person who gets upset about you pointing out that he got the bread is overly defensive.

If I forgot the bread, I might go back to the store and get it.



shortfatbalduglyman
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12 Jul 2020, 9:13 am

Communication euphemism for noise pollution



blazingstar
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12 Jul 2020, 9:16 am

For some reason, asking a simple question to an NT is taken as criticism. I have no idea why.

When I have to ask somebody a question about why something didn't happen, I have to preface it with a paragraph about how I was just wondering and it is not a criticism and I really do like you whether you got the bread or not, etc., etc and then ask why, wonderingly, he didn't get the bread. It is exhausting. And even then, sometimes it doesn't work.

I will often just ignore it.


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starkid
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12 Jul 2020, 11:00 am

Fablemoon wrote:
he ignores the question or gets irriated if I ask again.

Ignoring what someone says is sometimes a sign that the person doesn't want to talk about the issue, so you asking again could be interpreted as your ignoring that person's communication, which can be irritating.

Quote:
And if I tell anyone how I'm feeling about a boundary or way they treat me they also seem to get mad or look at me in a horrified way. Can someone please explain this to me?
People don't like their behavior to be criticized. The reaction you describe suggests that your complaints seem bizarre to them.



Joe90
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12 Jul 2020, 12:16 pm

Why do people always take the NT's side in these sorts of threads?


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PhosphorusDecree
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12 Jul 2020, 12:42 pm

starkid wrote:
Fablemoon wrote:
he ignores the question or gets irriated if I ask again.

Ignoring what someone says is sometimes a sign that the person doesn't want to talk about the issue, so you asking again could be interpreted as your ignoring that person's communication, which can be irritating.


A case of "Hey, don't ignore me when I'm ignoring you!" Funny how many people are oversensitive about the kind of ill manners they're most guilty of themselves...


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Stardust_Dragonfly
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12 Jul 2020, 12:51 pm

I think sometimes people read things that aren't there in a question or statement. It's happened to me and when I've asked why they are upset or angry they explain they thought I meant something other than what I literally said. It's confusing :lol:. Perhaps it would help if you pointed out you're literally asking what you say?

Also if people get mad about a boundary or when you say about the way you treat them... that doesn't seem right. We all have boundaries (ASD or not) and people should respect those things. Perhaps they didn't mean to overstep a boundary and feel bad about it? That's all I can think of.



starkid
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12 Jul 2020, 7:05 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Why do people always take the NT's side in these sorts of threads?

Well the OP asked for an explanation, so I don't see any sides to take.



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14 Jul 2020, 3:58 pm

My thoughts on the example you gave: Its the small talk. The TNs are always talking about how glad they are to see someone and how exciting they are about something that has already been decided on. That is how their social web is bound together. When we jump right to what is on our mind, we are skipping over all the stuff that are expecting that tells them that, 'this other person cares about them.'