Telling students about AS
I am in college and so far, I do not really have made friends. Sometimes, I talk to some students about the lessons, or when we have a group assigment, I talk about it. I also talked to one person about RPG's once. But that is all. I consider that this is pretty good, knowing that my social/communication skills are not very good. When I am with them and they talk about other things, I feel "out of place". In these cases, I have a tendency to withdraw and stay alone.
They know I am somehow and somewhat "not normal" (I quoted their words) although I have not said anything about (the possibility of) AS or about ADHD ; they told me that they think I am weird. Some asked why but I did not reply. I do not know whether it would be a good thing to tell them.
Could you give me some advice ?
I know this question has already been asked, but I would appreciate if you could reply.
_________________
Nicolas (spark).
I've also been told: "you're weird" last year when I told a girl about how I see ideas in my mind when someone is speaking. But I don't think it was really mean. It was just an assesment.
It's interesting to note that the students you know asked you why you were weird. It seems that they are curious about you. Maybe they find you interesting.
Considering the fact that I suppose that students are mature and tolerant people, I think you should explain them about AS, and why you are "out of place" sometimes.
Last edited by Fiddler on 18 Oct 2004, 9:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
This is a dillema. Agree with the other reply that their query indicates possible interest, and I think that if you do not find some way to engage that interest they might soon start to ignore you. (i assume you dont want this).
However, I really think that this decision should be based on a careful judgement of their characters- do they seem accepting and open-minded? If so, their knowing might relieve some of the tension you feel by being around them. Also it would probably be easier to tell one single person whom you know best than the entire group all at once.
Please keep us posted on your situation- I have a personal interest, since I start university next year and will possibly face similar problems.
So far I have told only my roommates and two friends who sit with me in calculus class about having AS. I think they all understand me pretty well, but one of the two I sit with doesn't fully. I once showed him how I did my homework, and he considered it to be done using "baffling" logic.
Here where I am, the other people in my dorm complex have also picked up the fact that I am "different" from others. On the evening of September 26th, I was going down the stairs in my complex to the floor below mine. As I got out the door, I heard someone whipser out of an open door some 20 feet away.
That bothered me to no extent since the person who said it had never talked to me or anything, but somehow had picked up on my differences from simply observing me, something I could never do.
As I learned back in 1991 when others found out I had been dx'ed as having ADHD, information like that in the wrong hands can be disasterous, as there are people who will take it and run with it, blabbing it to whomever, or using it to blackmail you.
My advice is simply not to tell anyone who you don't have complete trust in.
_________________
I live my life to prove wrong those who said I couldn't make it in life...
sparkplug,
Be careful who you tell. As others have said, that type of information can be very dangerous. When dealing with certain types of people, it can be spread quite viciously, or used against you.
I have had classmates notice strange things about me before, one girl once told me I "sound like I'm reading from a script" and she also said "you're weird." Another girl once exclaimed, after I said something to her, "Oh my god, you talk?!"
In cases like this, I would not explain anything about AS to them (though at the time I hadn't even heard of AS. If I was in a similar situation today, I would just shrug it off). If, however, you feel like there is a certain member of the group you are closer to or that you can confide in, you should try talking to this individual first, and ask that person if they think you should tell the others.
If you aren't very close to any of them yet, it's probably best for you to not say anything until you are sure you can trust them with that information. At that point, they may not even care, because they will have accepted you for who you are. My friends all know I'm "off doing my own thing" and "in my own world" at times, but I haven't said anything to them about AS because I'm not sure I have it myself, and because it's really not necessary, since they already know me.
So far the only people that I've told are some of my good friends, who have taken it very well, my hall director, and my roommates, who both either wanted me out or wanted me to leave. I usually keep it to myself. If someone asks me about me, I might tell them if I'm ready, but I don't usually say anything because I don't really know if the person I tell will tell anybody else or not.
vivreestesperer
Sea Gull

Joined: 25 Jun 2004
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 223
Location: Maine/Baltimore
i've just got to say...it makes me realize how lucky i am. the college that i go to has a lot of very open minded and tolerant people, a lot of quirky people. i can be as weird as i want and no one bats an eye. once i was dancing in front of the cafe on a rainy day and someone came up to me and said 'that's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.' i used to always complain about (or sob about is more like it ) about how different i felt, how alienated i felt etc, to my freshman year roommate and one time after many such breakdowns like this she told me "i don't care if you run down VM highway backwards on your hands singing country songs out loud, as long as it makes you happy" - which is such a powerful statement and i have always remembered it. im so much harder on myself than others are. others seem a lot more willing to accept me than i am to accept myself!
i'm not sure how to help you though. ihave a couple friends here, they just kind of "happened" though, nothing on my part really... well...i tend to make small talk with everyone even though i usually end up feeling it goes really badly and get mad with myself, but i do it for the say 30 or 40% of the time that it actually goes right and i enjoy it. my 2nd friend is a result of one time when i went to make small talk with a stranger and actually ended up finding out that she and i have a *lot* in common. so i guess putting yourself out there and keep trying, keep hoping, that you'll find someone like you. but within your comfort level - don't push yourself too much, it's not worth it.
As I said I would and as one of you asked, here are some news about what I have done. I did not find a way to tell the students who are in most of my classes about my AS so that they would not take in a way that would be bad for me. Anyway, here is what I can say, what happened, what I have done and what I plan to do.
1. During the vacations, one student who is in my group found my website and my blog in French so she read about my AS. She posted a comment. I have not really talked to her about it since then, so I do not know how she understood it. I am not really sure she really noticed it and what it is about. Since we do not really talk in "real life", I do not know if I should mention it again.
2. I drew something about AS on my notepad. It is a puzzle piece with Einstein's face on the side and under it I wrote "Asperger's Syndrome is not a disorder but a gift." Last Tuesday, two boys I saw for the first time but who I have to work with for a group assigment read it and, after the class during which we talked about astrophysics, Einstein and exchanged riddles and brainteasers, asked me what is was about so I just told them what is was. They asked a few questions and concluded "In short, it is a gift with a price to pay. It only means you are a little different, not that you are some kind of freak." They said they would be careful so that I will not be un at ease with them because of my poor social skills when we work and then we talked about Einstein and the eight hundred pages that are summed up by E=m.c². I think it was great that they reacted this way ; it was mature and nice.
3. Some students (two girls) invited me twice to go out with them, once to go ice-skating just before the vacations, once to have dinner at one's apartment last Wednesday. I was not too sure at first but said yes, and I made some efforts to appear as normal so that they would talk to me again, and not think I am weird. I do not think they saw the drawing. I think I will tell them.
What do you think ?
_________________
Nicolas (spark).
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