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Offer to help turned down

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Brianruns10
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10 Feb 2012, 12:09 am

An aquaintance from college lives in my city. We never really kept in touch after school, but we have a mutual friend, so I sometimes see updates from her. She was a filmmaker like me, and she started a film group with her friends, and the first project they were going to tackle was a stop motion film.

I've done stop motion for ten years, and won some awards doing it. So I wrote her, and offered to help, or give any tips or tricks.

Her response was basically "thanks but no thanks." She said it "was a group put together to collaborate on films with her close friends."

I thought I got past this in high school.

Terribly disappointing. Is it so much to be wanted or valued?



Chronos
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10 Feb 2012, 12:35 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
An aquaintance from college lives in my city. We never really kept in touch after school, but we have a mutual friend, so I sometimes see updates from her. She was a filmmaker like me, and she started a film group with her friends, and the first project they were going to tackle was a stop motion film.

I've done stop motion for ten years, and won some awards doing it. So I wrote her, and offered to help, or give any tips or tricks.

Her response was basically "thanks but no thanks." She said it "was a group put together to collaborate on films with her close friends."

I thought I got past this in high school.

Terribly disappointing. Is it so much to be wanted or valued?


Someday when you are incredibly famous for your work she is going to look back and chide herself for having turned down a project with the famous (your name here).

Do you have any samples of your work online?



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10 Feb 2012, 2:09 am

My guess is they are just in the planning stages of this film and haven't done any filming and don't really know what they are getting into. Don't be surprised if she contacts you a few weeks or months down the road.


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namaste
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10 Feb 2012, 4:00 am

usually they feel we aspie's are dumb and weird
so they never take help from us even when we offer it wholeheartedly

atleast in my case its that way....
i have offered to help my colleague with the annual day
but she would just avoid the topic
finally i saw that she took help of students to get things done rather
taking my help

she does sometime say out loudly that im weird and dumb etc etc :shrug:


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BMctav
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10 Feb 2012, 6:33 am

Don't beat yourself up about it. You've not been rejected by a friend. To me it seems she's a loose acquaintance, at best. If she is serious about making something good, then she's foolish for not taking the opportunity to learn from someone who knows what they are doing.

It was good of you to offer to help and I hope it doesn't put you off making nice gestures like that in the future to other people.



NicoleG
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10 Feb 2012, 10:22 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
Is it so much to be wanted or valued?


Wanted by the wrong people? Yes. And it's not that it's so much effort on their part, as it's so much effort on yours. Making an honest show of effort is good, but if it's turned down, then that's your sign to move on.

Wanted by the right people? Effortless when it happens, and therefore priceless.



OliveOilMom
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10 Feb 2012, 3:43 pm

Maybe she already had a few people in mind that she wanted to work on this with her. Some people are more comfortable working with those who are closer to them than with acquaintances. I certainly wouldn't take it like it was somebody shutting you out.


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Marcia
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10 Feb 2012, 4:06 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Maybe she already had a few people in mind that she wanted to work on this with her. Some people are more comfortable working with those who are closer to them than with acquaintances. I certainly wouldn't take it like it was somebody shutting you out.


This.

She has every right to say, thanks but no thanks, and you shouldn't feel offended by that.