I go into monologues about my interests around other people.

Post Reply New Topic

Why do people find it so awkward when I start talking about computers, yet people will go on for hours on end about sports? It's as if liking computers is taboo in society. Maybe I'm just experiencing discrimination since I have Asperger's Syndrome. What gives?

Apparently sports, cars, celebrities, clothes etc are socially acceptable interests. But most people do not care about efficient road design, or the structural/functional relationship in cell types of different organs or animals. No one cares to listen to how you can prevent a great deal of traffic back up where there are entrance and exit ramps too close to each other by putting the entrance ramp on the right side of the road (close to the access road) and have the exit ramp on the left and loop it around, so that people are not all trying to get out of and into the same lane of traffic causing excess congestion for the amount of cars on the road. Instead they talk about the NFL draft picks or the major league baseball teams. They talk about the lives of actors but not about physiology. It seems trivial and non-functional.

Find a group of Aspies? I actually feel different in my group on account that I'm NOT into computers, the rest of them are.

I agree that I am not into computers and several of the few other aspies I know in my life outside of the forums are into computers.

I think that there is a greater variety of interests among those on the Autism spectrum than among those not on the spectrum. There seems to be greater homogeneity among "normal" peoples interests and a greater tolerance for other interests held by people off the spectrum. It just seems as if the interests of those off the spectrum are more socially acceptable than those on the spectrum.

When I go out to eat with my family, it is ok to talk about my brother's interest and my mom's and dad's interests, but I get told to not talk about mine in public even if I am very careful to not talk about "gross" subjects. It is frustrating and it makes me feel like my ideas are not as important or valuable as the thoughts are words of others.

Well, trust me about this, people get mad at me for my rambling on about cars. Apparently, things are only cool to talk about in this weird vague in passing sort of way. Display knowledge about stuff and people either can't concentrate, or think you're just trying to be a showoff. I guess people don't wanna hear about the difference between OHC and pushrod motors, tire compounds, suspension systems, all that stuff. Usually conversations about cars are like "YO IT'S COOL LOOKIN' AMIRITE?" "YEAH BRAH TOTALLY ITS SICK." So even if you get a mainstream interest, your conversations will still be dumb.

edit:
Even with sports, it's the same for me. I usually won't watch like, the Super Bowl, but I was all over the World Baseball Classic. So I was rambling on to everyone in 2009 to watch the World Baseball Classic, and I was just entirely GLUED to the TV for those games, but nobody else around me cared about them. I think one guy besides my friend who initially told me to watch them watched even one of those games. So even with "broad" interests, it's more just your ability to relate with others or whatever. Like if you like sports, but you're like "yeah, so I enjoy watching cycling, figure skating, and rugby, and fencing" then people will still not care because they don't watch any of those sports. I mean they might not think you're a "nerd" per se, but you won't make any connections with people regardless. Same with computers, people don't hate computers, everyone loves computers, but they love their specific things with computers, but since you can't tell them about Facebook, new iPhone apps, things like that, they don't care.

Correct, it is annoying to US, but when people talk about things like that, they are not doing it to pass information, but to associate ("chill
) with each other.

Maybe the people you are speaking to are too busy talking about and have no interest in computers.

Doesn't sound to me like your being discriminated against because you have Aspeger's (or being discriminated against at all). It's probably just because they don't find what you are talking about interesting. No discrimination. Just different strokes for different blokes, I think.

The movie "Adam", where the protagonist has Aspergers, shows a scene where he's at an overwhelming social occasion, and he grabs at the first person who shows a superficial interest at telescopes, and, with relief, starts lecturing them about telescopes in insane amounts of detail.

This was the story of my life.

The solution always lies in developing the brain muscles we sorely lack - fluidity. Detecting when the person loses interest, detecting how to latch onto a changing subject, and when to step away and interact with someone else.

There are also other people who have your interest in computers. They may be self-conscious about talking about it too much in a social setting, and thus try to shut down or redirect the conversation at some point. "Going with the flow" here is the hardest thing to learn, but it must be done.

I ended up compensating by being very quiet, especially in groups. I'll respond if someone talks to me but I try to react to what they say rather than initiating the conversation. When I do start on a subject I like I am constantly monitoring myself to make sure I don't start monologuing . It generally works with the occasional epic fail when I get too interested in what I am talking about.

If the person you're talking to is as interested in computers as you are, I'm sure they'd rather enjoy talking about them. That's why people often talk about sports for hours on end....because everyone involved in the discussion is equally interested in the topic. Unfortunately, it may be difficult to find people who share your passion for computing.

People don't necessarily talk for hours because they're interested in the topic. Just as likely, they could be keeping the topic alive because they're interested in each other's company/enjoy the nature of interaction itself.

My boyfriend would do this when he would call me on my lunch break at work. I looked forward to talking to him all morning so I could tell him how much I love him and miss him and try to plan the next time we would see each other (We're long distance at the moment), and he would just ramble on and on about physics for 30 minutes and hang up without so much as an 'I love you' sometimes. Before I figured out he was an aspie, I used to get so upset because I thought he was just being self-centered jerk. Now, it still hurts sometimes, but I'm a lot more understanding.

I don't think it's the topic itself (though physics is not my forte), it's the fact that I feel trapped in the conversation. I didn't necessarily have anything important to talk about. I just wanted to talk to him, not be talked at. Even if he did take a breath, and I try to springboard off what he just said with a related topic, he'd completely disregard what I said, and go back to what he was talking about. When you're constantly hitting that brick wall in a relationship, it's hard to not get frustrated.