Is it possible to repair this friendship?

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Tizer
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05 Mar 2012, 12:46 pm

Hi all,

I'm actually not sure if I have aspergers or not, but pretty sure I show some of the traits and the tests all point towards it. At the very least I'm getting it checked.

Anyways I'd been friends with this girl for most of last year through work and well in January I asked her out. Didn't work out too well, but she clarified that we could still be friends which I didn't mind. I however did the cardinal sin of thinking there was still a problem. And promptly screwed things up by trying too hard and well, becoming fixated on the idea of things being wrong and constantly trying to contact her. Now she's obviously not talking to me at all now.

Would this be a a thing I could fix by maybe I dunno leaving her alone for a year or so? I feel bad because it's entirely my fault and I made things uncomfortable for her. Or am I eternally stuck in creepy ex-workmate zone? Um I think she knows I mean well, but just have a hard time expressing it without being awkward. Then again I have faith in everyone.

I should maybe clarify that I have a few good friends and can make acquaintances easily, but this was the first person I've taken an active interest in trying to be close friends with in about 7 years.



smudge
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05 Mar 2012, 1:33 pm

I would be friendly to everyone else as usual, and just leave her alone. The more you leave her alone now, the more likely she is to come to you for friendship, although that isn't likely, and I doubt she would ever have real feelings for you.

Maybe to a workmate you really, really trusted, you could tell them this situation. If the woman trusts them too, then if the woman hears your story from your workmate (supposedly without you knowing)...it might be easier for her to understand.



Asterisp
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05 Mar 2012, 1:46 pm

I think leaving alone for a while is a good advice. It is really difficult these situations...
Last year I met again with a former (girl)friend from school and we had some fun times, but after a while I asked her on a proper date.... And she rejected. After that the contact was broken.

And I saw the same with some acquaintances of mine, once you crossed the line there is no going back for at least a few months.



Tizer
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05 Mar 2012, 1:48 pm

smudge wrote:
I would be friendly to everyone else as usual, and just leave her alone. The more you leave her alone now, the more likely she is to come to you for friendship, although that isn't likely, and I doubt she would ever have real feelings for you.

Maybe to a workmate you really, really trusted, you could tell them this situation. If the woman trusts them too, then if the woman hears your story from your workmate (supposedly without you knowing)...it might be easier for her to understand.


Ah i should mention that we're no longer workmates. We were really good friends during work with lots in common. We kept in touch regularly after she left. I kinda grew frustrated that my attempts at trying to 'fix' things weren't working so erm removed her as a FB friend and deleted her number. I can still email her.

I guess I could do a hail mary Facebook friend request in September before I go on holiday and see what happens when I get back.

I don't mind if she doesn't have feelings for me (although another person in the same team said she did).



smudge
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05 Mar 2012, 2:06 pm

Tizer wrote:
smudge wrote:
I would be friendly to everyone else as usual, and just leave her alone. The more you leave her alone now, the more likely she is to come to you for friendship, although that isn't likely, and I doubt she would ever have real feelings for you.

Maybe to a workmate you really, really trusted, you could tell them this situation. If the woman trusts them too, then if the woman hears your story from your workmate (supposedly without you knowing)...it might be easier for her to understand.


I don't mind if she doesn't have feelings for me (although another person in the same team said she did).


Grrr, even despite that (if it is true) these things are never easy, are they?! :lol: Someone always gets scared off!



jagatai
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05 Mar 2012, 2:55 pm

Some time away is probably a good idea, but be aware, depending on your behavior and her interpretation of it, it may never be possible to fix things.

If you give it time and then send an e-mail that is honest and direct, which apologizes for what you have done wrong and clarifies that you tend to be socially awkward, and if she is an understanding kind of person, she may be willing to communicate with you again. But you have to be absolutely honest. If she does not respond, do not try again. I got into a situation like that and I still feel shame and regret over the incident.


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