do people lie a lot?

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Do people lie a lot? Sometimes I think that people are lying to me, even when they are friends, but then when I press the issue, when I ask if they are lying, then they insist they are telling the truth. Even when I make a big deal about it being important to me, to the point where it would be really mean for them to keep lying, they still insist that they are telling the truth. So I've always concluded that I was being psychotic. The thing is, this has happened enough times, and I have enough examples of people lying to me and to others and getting caught, that it seems statistically improbable that I have been wrong every time I have confronted someone who I think is lying.

Here is an example. This evening I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, and a few times I thought it sounded like he was typing, but he denied it and got defensive, and I was suspicious. Then someone else called him, and someone came to his room, so he had to go. When I called him again ten minutes later, he said that I probably thought he was typing because he had just been pressing the volume keys on his computer. And I said, "Why didn't you tell me that, the first time I asked if you were typing?". And he said that he just hadn't thought to say it. And I said, but if I think you're typing, then it's probably because I hear keys being pressed; and if you are indeed pressing keys, then it's a likely explanation for what I hear, and it would be polite to tell it to me. I was suspicious that he had made up the thing about pressing the volume keys during the time between our calls. So I said, look, this is important - if you were lying then I won't hold it against you, but I need you to be honest and tell me, because otherwise it means that I'm being psychotic, and that my medication (methylphenidate) is having a dangerous effect. And he said that he wasn't lying, but don't worry about it, and we should forget it, etc.

So now I have a situation where I have a very hard time distinguishing between two situations, either my boyfriend is really inconsiderate, or I'm psychotic and I've just falsely accused him of something in a very annoying manner.

I'm inclined to believe him, since this has happened to me before with other people. The thing is, while I'm not very good at determining whether or not people are lying from their faces, I do think I'm rather good at judging the plausibility of certain events; and by observing the frequency with which people lie to each other, and by taking into account aspects of the explanations they give, I am sometimes quite sure that someone is lying to me. And it occurred to me that maybe the reason the kind of conflict described above has happened to me several times in the past with different people, is due not to the fact that I'm psychotic, but rather to the fact that people just lie a lot and then refuse to admit it...

I would be interested to hear any advice, anecdotes, etc. that people may have regarding lying. Thank you. (I'll be travelling until the 9th, so I won't be able to reply until then)

The main reason that people lie is to avoid getting in trouble. (Which is increasingly true of people you know.)

I can't tell when people are lying either. But I saw something that says when people lie, a little furrow appears between their brows, or they don't look at you, or they scratch their faces or look at you too much.

I do most of these things whether I'm lying or not.

Anyway, there's nothing to say you are paranoid just because you ask if someone's telling the truth. Especially if you have seen / heard evidence that they are not. But be careful not to ask unless you do have some evidence.

Thanks for the reply.

I guess my question was a bit long for people to read.

Now that you mention it I think I know several people who look at me too much when they lie.

One thing that I don't understand is the extent to which people resent having their lying pointed out. Sometimes it seems that people resent being told that they are wrong, even when it becomes obvious that they must be wrong.

Perhaps I will try to see a therapist at my university and ask them.

Ping is right! I have seen those SAME types of books. AS I SAID earlier, GARBAGE! They will also generally show ME as a liar, even though I usually tell the truth.

BTW Poly-Graph means Many Graphs. It checks several things out.

It is NOT good at detecting lies!

As for your reasoning about the lying? It is FAULTY! People DO have different focus, etc... He may have been telling you the truth. I know that sounds crazy, but I have been in that SAME sort of circumstance.

Anyway, some people DO lie a lot. You would be SURPRISED how I caught some, and the wierd whoppers some have told.

Steve

Isn't there another choice between psychotic and being right? I don't say this to be mean, but perhaps you are insecure? Do people lie? Of course they do. Its a lot easier to make something up than explain something that may make the other person uncomfortable. People lie to me all the time, but there's really nothing that I can do about it. People lie to hide things they do, hide their true thoughts, hide hidden agenda's. Its all a part of life. They don't always lie, nor do they always tell the truth.

Is it the fact that they are lying that bothers you, or what they're lying about? And, even if its what they're lying about, could it be that you put a different weight on certain things? Sometimes, no matter how important something is too you, it will always be trivial to others. Thus, they will never tell you the truth, and you will always be hurt.

People lie to get out of trouble or to make themselves sound more interesting. I like catching people out. I remember what people tell me, so when they contradict themselves some months later, I like to say 'I thought you said....'

A lot of people I know lie and I know they do it. But I leave them to it as it wil cause problems for them one day, not me so I'm not bothered. People who lie continually are not worth anyone's time or head space.

yes lack of assertiveness...

my brother has been in 2 relationships - lying is so bad the gov is probably getting sick of dna test's - and singal parenting " no offence by the way sometime's it can't be helped "

plus stress is getting way too high say one thing and someone chews your arm off...

People lie constantly. It's a sad fact of life.

From what I've discovered, a lot of it is automatic and not intended to be deceptive at all.

People may lie if they think:
it makes them interesting
it helps hide a mistake that they've made
if they think it will bring them some advantage
the other person knows its a lie (usually in conjunction with #1)

Yeah, it can definitely be automatic at times. I've caught myself lie about something, often something stupid, and thought to myself "Now why in the hell did you say that?" Sometimes I can come up with a good answer, sometimes not. Lying isn't always a "bad" or hurtful thing. It can be though.

To be honest, hidden option C in your options should be "A little paranoid." I'm not saying it as a negative, hell, I'm a lot paranoid. Just don't let the paranoia get too much in control. I've got horrible trust issues myself, but if you ask people if they're lying, let alone frequently, they could get pretty defensive. Now this could either be legitimate, in that they feel wrongly accused, or it could be illegitimate, in that you've caught them and they are offended that you caught them. Either way, unless it is something big, or something painfully obvious, just don't ask too frequently. If for no other reason, asking them gives them practice for future, bigger lies.

(Oh god... that's possibly the first time I've used a smiley on a board in nearly four years...)

You are right though, the volume key excuse does sound a bit flakey. Just be aware of that kind of thing, in case it starts to pile up. Granted, its giving more of a chance for things to happen behind your back, but if nothing's happening, there's less chance of offending him over nothing. (I guess here would be the best place for some insightful philosophical quote on balance, but I'm too lazy to find one.)