People making you the odd person out for the fun of it???
Here, what do you think?
Thinking back, there were times it seemed that a few groups of people of kept me out, not out of a feeling of superiority, or status, or appearance, but simply because it gave them some kind of pleasure. Don't ask me how I could tell (not that I know for sure.) It just seemed they delighted in my persistence to belong, and they never gave in because it would end the cycle of attention. It's hard to pin point why I all but knew this, but I definitely felt it. Do you relate at all?
Fatal-Noogie
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Thinking back, there were times it seemed that a few groups of people of kept me out, not out of a feeling of superiority, or status, or appearance, but simply because it gave them some kind of pleasure. Don't ask me how I could tell (not that I know for sure.) It just seemed they delighted in my persistence to belong, and they never gave in because it would end the cycle of attention. It's hard to pin point why I all but knew this, but I definitely felt it. Do you relate at all?
But the strangest part is: although when I relate these suspicions between groups of friends
(tell someone that someone else who they don't know that this person is excluding me),
and they say I am paranoid – which is a fair accusation given the limited data I can convey to them,
when I directly call them out on it (Say, "You are avoiding me"), none will refute or deny it.
(This is NOT proof that they are avoiding me, but it tests my patience.)
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AngelKnight
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Reynaert
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this happens with me and quite evidently
infact there is bullying also and i can pin point it to others
there are two girls in my office who dont talk with me
they avoid me literally and i have never been able to figure out why
even in my colony couple of people were avoiding me
overall it really hurts and i feel i should take up drinking, smoking, dating
just to get away with this loneliness atleast on emotional level
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Yes, I think this is highly likely. The particular example I'm thinking of, I had "precedents" and after I left, "successors." They were always against someone in the setting. Pathetic.
But not ALL NT groups do this. And I'd like to add, some aspies do this also.
Thinking back, there were times it seemed that a few groups of people of kept me out, not out of a feeling of superiority, or status, or appearance, but simply because it gave them some kind of pleasure. Don't ask me how I could tell (not that I know for sure.) It just seemed they delighted in my persistence to belong, and they never gave in because it would end the cycle of attention. It's hard to pin point why I all but knew this, but I definitely felt it. Do you relate at all?
But the strangest part is: although when I relate these suspicions between groups of friends
(tell someone that someone else who they don't know that this person is excluding me),
and they say I am paranoid – which is a fair accusation given the limited data I can convey to them,
when I directly call them out on it (Say, "You are avoiding me"), none will refute or deny it.
(This is NOT proof that they are avoiding me, but it tests my patience.)
You can't just call them out on it. You need to figure out what you're doing wrong and give them space.
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CrazyStarlightRedux
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Thinking back, there were times it seemed that a few groups of people of kept me out, not out of a feeling of superiority, or status, or appearance, but simply because it gave them some kind of pleasure. Don't ask me how I could tell (not that I know for sure.) It just seemed they delighted in my persistence to belong, and they never gave in because it would end the cycle of attention. It's hard to pin point why I all but knew this, but I definitely felt it. Do you relate at all?
Every single week.
Although I pretty much gave up now, as they are the ones who are mundane anyway and follow each other like sheep.
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In all fairness, that can be true for aspies as well. I never bonded so well with my now ex boyfriend as when we had what we (at the time) saw as a common enemy.
You can define your friends and allies as much from common dislikes as from common ground.
To keep to the actual topic: In social settings, a lot of people seem to enjoy harassing others, bullying them, ridiculing them. What happened to OP, seems to fit into that category.
From what I see, it's not that uncommon though, for there to be one person even in a group that is seen as lesser than the rest, despite them having accepted the person into the group in the first place.
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This not true. While I'm sure there are some people/groups that do this (NT or otherwise!), it's certainly not the norm. I find your generalisation about NTs rather offensive.
Some people are just petty and cruel that way, I suppose. I haven't experienced this kind of thing in a number of years (due to no particular changes in environment), but I certainly have had encountered it in the past. If I got the slighest sense of such a thing now, I wouldn't waste time on them.
Times like this remind me that humans are just another animal species on Earth...
i agree with the term weaker person since i am weaker on conversation, interpersonal skills and leadership qualities
many people tend to avoid me
there is a group in my office and i am excluded from this group.....and its the same case everywhere else
whether its school, college, office or any other place the condition was the same.
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Reynaert
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Age: 51
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Location: Netherlands
This not true. While I'm sure there are some people/groups that do this (NT or otherwise!), it's certainly not the norm. I find your generalisation about NTs rather offensive.
It most certainly is the norm. It's just that most people inside such a group don't even realize they're doing it, and almost everybody will vehemently deny it when it is pointed out to them.
Furthermore, I'm not going to keep an argument to myself just because it may offend someone.
Furthermore, I'm not going to keep an argument to myself just because it may offend someone.
It is isn't the norm. You must have had some bad experience/s which you are using to form your conculsion. I'm an NT in my late 30s have plenty of experience mixing with different groups and have never bonded with someone over "a common enemy, a scapegoat". Further, I have three acquaintances/friends on the spectrum from different "groups" (work, and two activities/hobbies). In neither group does anyone isolate or make them feel the odd person out.
You are essentially suggesting that all NTs are cruel, which is offensive to me. If you are going to make such a blanket assumption, you might as well lump people with AS in that thinking too; afterall we are all just people and sometimes people (NT and AS) can be cruel.
Reynaert
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Joined: 19 Dec 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 73
Location: Netherlands
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