Chronic Loneliness

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I am diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and have felt lonely and excluded for my entire life. I'm have experienced loneliness both in the friendship and romance aspects. I have gone through a whole slew of people who claimed to be my friends, only to abandon me. Therefore I have major trust issues with people. My hobbies have served as the tranquilizer that sedated the emotional pain caused by my lack of interpersonal relationships. For many years, this was a highly effective solution to the emotional emptiness that enveloped me. When I was diagnosed at the age of 20, I had finally found my identity and I thought that this would finally solve all my social problems. With this newly acquired bit of knowledge, I started to interact with other people in the autism spectrum. I found that even among people in my situation, I was still just as lonely as before. When I first joined this site, I was almost euphoric at the thought of finally surrounding myself with those who are socially deprived like I am. To my dismay, I found that people here often act as if though I do not exist. The mere thought that not even my own kind will take me in proves devastating. This leads me to ask many angst filled questions such as: "Am I just a naturally born outcast?", "What have I done wrong?"and "Can ever change this?" Over the years my hobbies have started to gradually fail at keeping me from coming to realization that I'm deeply disconnected from society's emotional network. The fact that I can't see this problem ever being resolved is quite possibly the worst part of it all.

I know these feelings very well-I feel the same way a lot of the time-I had a friend on the spectrum but even he has started to avoid me and the funny thing is he claims I was avoiding him and now I tried to talk to him the other day and he avoided me and this was after the facilitator of the aspie social group we both belong to said he knew things I didn't and that he wanted to talk and all so I tried and was abandoned and avoided-and I have been beating myself up wondering what did I do wrong and as far as dating and intimate relationships-I have never had one and am totally pathetic when it comes to that.

Wow. I feel as though you have taken the words right out of my mouth for me. I can relate to almost everything you just said, with some minor differences here and there. Now, I haven't been diagnosed yet, but when I started researching about Aspergers, I was shocked at how much of the traits I have. I went on this site, hoping to find people I could relate to, but it's still pretty hard to find someone who could completely relate to what I'm going through/went through. I also feel discouraged about getting a diagnosis. Sure, I'll be able to look back in time and realize why certain things happened to me and why I acted a certain way, but I doubt it would help me become less lonely.

I have also realized that the people I was the most closest to have betrayed me in one way or another, whether it was intentional or not, therefore, I also have trust issues. Hobbies, special interests, and daydreaming have taken the place of socializing with others. I don't really see anyone that's really worth trying to be friends with. First off, they all seem too... normal. Secondly, I know that there are good people out there, but the effort to find them is just not worth it. At my old school, I had friends who were much more social than I was, so I did not have to try as hard to meet new people. Now, everyone's gone down their different paths, and I'm back to square one.

We at Wrong Planet often seem to end up talking 'through' each other, like two people with different world views having a political debate, although in our case I don't think it's intentional.

Hopefully we will get better over time, more real communication, and I guess more ping-ponging back and forth.

PS. Theater groups, local political activism, pro-animal groups?

Hello Sempiternal. I'm glad that you can relate to my post. At times I feel as if other people think I'm a complete alien.

How so? Do they treat you like an alien or do you just feel like your presense isn't awknowledged?

And no problem, just letting you know that you aren't as alone as you think. I'm pretty sure that a good amount of people on this site feel that way too.

Dear OP.

Pray to God if you at all can. You may not believe in that, but I find it helps. Look into seeing a doctor for depression. I myself can somewhat identify with what your thinking. Try to get some feedback though about social skills. I mean are friends still what you would like to have? Sometimes a little practice just doesnt hurt! I will keep you in my prayers

When I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome last spring, I was also diagnosed with major depressive disorder as well. I am a Christian, but I really need to improve my relationship with God.

Having an understanding of shared challenges and experiences is not neccessarily a foundation on which you can form relationships. It can certainly help, but if you don't have shared interests, sense of humour, hobbies, or other qualities that you like about each other, then you don't have the recipe for a relationship.

I know from years of experience how corrossive loneliness is. Don't give up. Google "battle loneliness" to find some tips on how to push back this negative emotion.

I've found that loneliness is best combatted by being acknowledged and loved by others (family & friends). Friendships are tricky to make at the best of times, but don't give up. Also, don't just look for friendship with austic people. Find it with people that you like and enoy being round it doesn't matter if they're AS or NT.

In the meanwhile, cut yourself some slack and don't worry about people on this site not knowing you exist. You've only posted 18 times (as I write this) and it takes time to settle in at message boards. Contribute and participate more and people will become familiar with you in time.

Good luck.

I can totally relate to you- I have the same problem with loneliness.

I'm very sorry that you feel that way about this website and the people on it. I'm sure that no one is intentionally ignoring you or rejecting you, it's just that the thought of reaching out to you never crossed our minds. Most of us are aspies, after all. But after reading your post, I've decided to try to be more friendly on this site.

It takes time to establish a strong presence on a forum, so don't feel bad if you everyone doesn't know you instantly.If you really want to get to know others on this site better, than you'll probably have to reach out to them yourself. Unfortunately, it probably won't happen the other way around- not for you, me, or any of us.

Have a nice day.

I found the same thing when I joined the forum and started posting, and even got into disagreements with a few folk- after I was accused of being a racist by someone because of my username (after some research I discovered that spook is a denigrating race term in the USA. I'm not from there, I'm Scottish. In Scotland it's simply another word for ghosts, ghouls and suchlike), I came to the conclusion that I was just going to totally avoid the religion and politics section, as that seems to be where most of the meanness resides on here. I think you just have to keep in mind that as a new person, people don't know you, and Aspies are somewhat renowned for our lack of social skills. Keep posting and participating and you'll soon start to feel accepted.

I think you seem pretty cool. And hobbies are fun

And whoever wants love suffers because love cannot be asked for, love can only be given.
In wanting there is no certainty that you will get it.
And if the person from whom you expect love also expects love from you, it is a problem.
It will be like two beggars meeting and begging together.
All over the world there are marital problems between husbands and wives, and the only reason for this is that both expect love from each other but are unable to give love.- osho

Well i have faced social problems all along just like you and was always wondering whats wrong with me
then i started searching online and could relate a lot with symptoms of aspergers......i know i am a Aspie though no one
out there is diagnosing me.

I am quite happy on wrong planet.......since i have never kept any expectations here
i noticed that you are quite new here....you barely have 20 posts.
you cant expect people to befriend you so early.....people are beware of strangers

keep replying to post here and when others notice that you are genuine and they have something more common with you
then they will be more friendly with you.

Most of the Aspie's have been hurt badly they have trust issues and being friendly over here would be difficult for them...
dont loose hope yet