So what are these "friend" things for anyway?

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So I now officially have one "friend". What do I do now? What's the point? We talk about general "stuff" a lot (well, constantly, as in all day, every day (electronically, though I know/met her in person)), but is that all there is? I don't really see the point.

Well, friendship means many different things for different people. For me it means someone who is always there for you and that you can confide in when you're going through a rough time. A friend is someone who helps you and gives you advice when you are in a tough situation or feeling sad. A friend is not only a companion, but someone that you can place your trust within. A friend to me is someone who's loyal and doesn't lie to you. Someone who's always there through thick and thin . Someone that you can laugh and joke with. Also, someone you can go places with and have fun. That's my definition of a true friend. I hope this helped.

Your "friend" sounds more like an acquaintance.

You should ask her out to go somewhere.

What kind of things does she do for fun?

Talk about that and you can bring the event up.

Does she like movies, wine, studying,etc? Do what she is interested in.

Interesting question... and the answer sort of depends on how genuine the other person is I think - as well as things they like to do. Sometimes I think its good to have friends just for safety in numbers - if I want to go out to see a band at night in some seedy neighbourhood I'd try not to go alone - that'd be a good time to have a friend who wants to go as well. Same with things like bush-walking - if you go with a friend there'll be someone to help you if you get hurt or to bounce ideas off about which way to go if you get lost. Other than that, if you have to shop for clothes they can fend off the staff for you whilst you try things on in peace (if they're the outgoing type) - that sorta thing. Or, friends can just offer you an excuse to leave your house, get some fresh air and go meet them somewhere for coffee or drinks and a chat.... which is problematic if you don't like to chat I guess.

An NT once told me (at a sports club) that he tries to go around and make friends with as many people there as he can because that way there's always people he can ask for help, borrow tools from, get to babysit the kids or whatever. I didn't really like him - that seemed like a very selfish idea of friendship to me. But, a lot of NT's seem pretty happy with that arrangement if its a 2-way street.

Sounds about right to me. Good description.

I'm a NT, I don't even know what to say. I couldn't live without them. I'm confused, this is out of my understanding.

How do people end up doing stuff together like this? I dont get this. I have people in my life like the OP described but no one more like a freind.

So all the "work" in between is just so that you can use the person when up need "something"?

If it is just work to maintain the friendship and you don't get a lot out of it then you probably aren't going to get far with them in the long term. A friend should be someone you enjoy being with or talking to. It may be that you have shared interests ot you may just like each other. Either way you must want to meet up / chat with them sometimes.

Are you feeling pressurized because you chat so much on-line? Maybe you need to slow down a little.

Friendship involves give-and-take. They may ask you for help with something or you may ask them. In the long term it pretty much evens out. Sometimes they will do somethign that annoys you and vice-versa. In most cases the enjoyment of sharing experinces and thoughts outweighs any short term annoyances.

A close friend is someone you would trust to help you in an emergency. For instance a little while back my best friend broke down miles from anywhere and late at night. After realizing the car could not be fixed on the side of the road he rang me to drive out and get him. He would do the same for me, even if I was hundreds of miles away.

That is one way of putting it. All the reasons people want friends, be it companionship, someone to have fun with, someone to do favors for you... all of these things are selfish desires. But friendship goes both ways. It's not a situation of one person using the other, it's a mutually beneficial arrangement.

While talking about whatever you talk about, bring up whatever you want to do together, as long as it's related to the subject at hand.

Make it subtle and not abrupt (that is a turn-off).

It seems to me that it's not "a situation of one person using another", but rather "two people using each other". It seems to me that people talk about/treat friendship as some beautiful, abstract, perhaps event "spiritual" connection with another person, but in reality it is just lies and (mutual) selfishness. I think that it would be good to have a sort of relationship with someone perhaps slightly similar to the relationship one might have with a psych(iatr/olog)ist, but not one sided. A relationship where you are completely open to say anything and everything, without judgement, with the aim of understanding: but that would not be "friendship". It would be impossible for friendship to occur in such a relationship. I think. And I don't think that such relationships exist.

your mum, do you feel lonely? If not, I guess then don't worry about friends? Is there's no real longing or desire to communicate or relate to someone else?

Your mum, your avatar picture is unique, what is the picture of?

It is not lies and selfishness, it is a mutually beneficial arrangement. Any relationship based on lies will fall apart fairly quickly. Pretty much everyone needs some form of help or emotional support at some time. Friends can provide that help and support. In return you help them. It can also be good to share interests. It can be enjoyable to share experiences and ideas about your interests.



Some friendships are like this. In that case you both have to have a great deal of trust each other, something which only develops over time. It depends very much on the temperaments of the people involved. For instance I am not an emotional person and I don't generally want to share feelings. My friendships are more to share ideas and experiences.

Don't try to over analyze this. If you enjoy communicating with your friend then keep it up. If you just find it hard work and don't see the point then it may not be worth continuing.