What to do when an NT gets upset

Post Reply New Topic

My roomate (girl) just found out that someone jacked her stuff off her car... (wheels, suspension etc.).

She is really upset and Im kind of at a loss for how to act, I want to comfort her but I dont want to compound the difficulty of the situation because of my akwardness. And I want to show her that I care... I dont know how.


help

Your girlfriend's a NT???

...quite often, I've found that listening to them works great.

I can sit down and listen to my NT friends when they are upset about something.

I try to see things from their view point, and offer logical advice or suggestions.

In doing this, I never tell them that they are wrong, and I keep everything calm and logical and constructive.

I try not to dwell on the thing that has upset them, but offer them a 'pathway' to more positive thinking.
(watch out for any desires they may have to upset/hurt someone else, to make themselves feel better)

Generally find myself saying stuff like.....

Ok, well, this thing has happened, and made you upset
the thing that upset you is done, it's happened, you can't change that
but you can decide how you move on from it

.....then if I can, I try to point out how he (or she, in your case) can move on in a positive way.

Also, if you keep in mind that you like the person, you can really help them with your views / suggestions.

Offer to help her look up a wrecking yard where she can buy some parts to fix her car, and to help her make sure the police have a detailed report to work with.

(Chances are the parts are gone forever. But be sensitive, and offer some help.)

Listen to her, empathise, and try to cheer her up.

Sometimes, I find it easy to cheer up an NT.

Yeah. Just listening works far better, in my experience, than attempting to say something that may come off as crass or insensitive. If you can, though, try to offer some advice, as it can also help to appear constructive as well as being a shoulder to cry on.

ok guys, so I had to go to school before I could read your replies. So I called my mother and asked her what she thought an appropriate reaction would be and it was generally the same thing you guys said.

I think the reason I became so uncertain is because she was upset and sort of mad at the world. Now I know she had no bad feelings towards me, but I kept confusing her signals as signs of a negative attitude towards myself and that caused me to be confused.

I forgot that the best thing to do in those situations is indeed to just listen, offer them any form of help they may require and just be a friend. Sure they're gonna be ticked off for the rest of the day, but if you're patient then things will settle down.

Good advice everyone, thanks!

Let her rant and rave as much as you can stomach it. Don't say too much, as you run the risk of saying something wrong. Simply give her the following sympathy statements.
"Damn, that's so wrong."
"Those f**kers must have been really messed up."
"Are you going to be OK?"
"It's good that you weren't there at the time."
"Those parts can be replaced."

After she's done ranting and raving, offer some solutions to help. Insist on her calling the police. Usually, that doesn't do any good in recovering the stolen goods, but it might help her feel better, knowing that the law at least acknowledges the theft. If she owes you any small amounts of money, tell her not to worry about it and forgive the loan. If you know about cars, offer to accompany her to an auto parts store, so you can help her pick out the parts most similar to the stolen ones.

Listen to her rant. Even if you end up zoning out slightly, still listen. This seems to be very important to NTs and they like to get their feelings out in the open where they know that someone else has taken the time to listen.

Ask her if there is anything that you can do to help. Make sure she calls the police about the theft and see if there is anything you can do. If you have a workable car, offer to drive her places if possible, especially if her car is in bad condition.

Remember that sometimes logic is not the best answer to an upset NT. Likely she'll be too emotional to listen to logic and your reasoning may be taken the wrong way. I've had this happen before to me and it isn't an enjoyable situation.

I have a feeling a lot of us are VERY good listeners..

Also a logical positive side of the equation never hurt anyone..

Instead of showing you care in the "aww poor you" way which never really helps anyone, actually showing her she can do something about the problem usually cushions the emotional aspect.

yes, let her rant, and also, (if you're not averse to touch) open your arms towards her, thus offering a hug. Sometoimes these gestures can say moire than any words-wether she accepts the hug or not, it'll show her you care.

JulieArticuno