Putting up walls?

Post Reply New Topic

P and I have been meeting a few times a week for over a month. He is a nice guy but we never really talked that much.


Yesterday we were joking around after an event ended and some of us decided to go for a walk around the city centre/drink a few beers.

Somehow the conversation ended up focusing on me at one point. They´ve noticed that I have plenty of irational fears(getting lost/going to take the bus too late/...)so one of them asked what was up with that and I sorta tried to explain things without going into specifics.

It was the first time that this sort of thing has happened and I was a bit worried about freaking them out and similar stuff(in case you dont understand try to reread the previous paragraph about irational fears).


Anyhow we were all leaving in the same direction so we switched the topic for a while and I mentioned that I had gotten to know one of the people there quite well and I hadnt approached them in a group setting in the past because we were too many people.
At this point P came up to me and told me that today was the first day he had actually gotten to know me, even though we have talked several times in the past.

So Ive been wondering if Ive been putting too many walls around me and this is scaring people away(we wont ever get to know him why bother wasting time around him) and if any of you has some experience on the field

I keep most people at a distance. Even here, I often start to reply to posts, and find I just can't do it. Every now and then I will reveal something about myself to someone, and then I worry about what they're thinking and if they'll use it against me.

I have a hard time opening up to anyone- to the point of panic attacks in a couple IRL incidents. I just have a very hard time putting trust in other people, in any capacity.

My problem is, I try just be me. Then, six months later, someone tells me that I put up walls and people don't really feel comfortable around me.

What the crap?

I just don't get that. Why is this stuff a guessing game?