why is social interaction so exhausting?

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I try not to systemise now, which means I find it less intense than I used to, but it is still such hard work.
Normally I hang on the outside of the group, being quieter, and only occasionally contributing.
Even so if I have more than a little interaction I begin to stop functioning.

Maybe it's exhausting because
a) I'm actually systemising and working my brain very hard, so my brain gets exhausted?
b) people just penetrate deep into my being somehow, and disturb me in all sorts of ways, which wipes me out? If so then maybe I could somehow let those people's impacts just go straight through me without touching? I don't know.
c) I am expecting too much of myself - to be able to contribute normally in an NT group - and thus I'm exhausting myself with over-high demands of my performance?

Maybe I'm doing something wrong - has anyone found a better way?

Any thoughts very welcome. Thanks

That's rough man, I'm sorry. I hope someone does.

Yeah anyones brain will become tired when trying to focus and figure things out intently . Socially interaction probably dont come naturally to you like most people here so its going to take constant effort. I think social demands are also draining and they will always be and probably for you too . Your not obligated to do anything in any social situation. Sometimes when i start getting drained i start playing games on my phone or 3DS this is the best way to be part of the group but focus on something fun so you dont have to worry about the social interaction part ....

So i vote for

C ) I am expecting too much of myself - to be able to contribute normally in an NT group - and thus I'm exhausting myself with over-high demands of my performance?

probably the best answer is a mix of A and C. Unlike most NTs, social interaction is very stressful for most of us. If you are stressed and anxious you will tire quickly.

Certainly for me, anxiety is the biggest problem. You are trying to fit in, to follow the various conversations and hide your perceived and actual idiosyncrasies all at the same time. The best solution is to relax and not try so hard. Of course this is a lot easier said than done.

Just like me you tend to keep to the outside of a group. Don't worry about it. That's the way you are so don't fight it too hard. People will notice if you try too hard. Your responses will seem artificial and strained. Most people are pretty tolerant. If you appear a little shy or awkward they will just accept it.

Have a look at CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). You can read up on it or visit a therapist who specializes in CBT. CBT helps you recognize when you are letting yourself get stressed over things that don't actually matter. If you can reduce the amount of effort you put into worrying about things you have a lot more energy for dealing with the actual problem, if there is one. It isn't a quick fix and you need to work at it but it can make a big difference.

Because most people are not themselves in trying to socialize, their trying to be "cool" "popular" and not that one guy you know your little group of friends secretly makes fun of behind his back.

Thanks everyone very much for the inputs.

We have many people staying. Tonight we're going to have 11 people staying in our house, and 13 here for lunch tomorrow.... aaaarrggghh

I'm going to try
- switching off my emotional working-out systems; I'm going to try much less hard to 'tune in' to other people; if the NT's are having a big emotion, they'll have to tell me. I'll be more wooden, less perceptive.
- I've also found an old note to myself on cartooning; if you just do a very simple children's cartoon of an upcoming situation; who is arriving when, what will happen, and when they're going - it can help Aspie mind's. I've done one.

My wife and I drove an hour away last night to dinner, into open country, on our own, which felt like it was healing also.

I think for a majority on the spectrum, this is at least partially true. Going into a large social group like at a party is like trying to translate a foreign language. You aren't going to understand a good chunk of it the first pass and will have to sit there longer than most to figure out what's going on. I personally have a huge issue trying to jump into other people's convos. I'll sit like a lion waiting to pounce to interject my thought, only to have the group scoop any available chance to jump in and then I just stand there looking like an idiot, until I cower over to the couch and feast on chips alone.

Group social situations = anxiety and stress.

You're not alone, if that's any consolation.

its more or less because the mind isnt nessecarily used to it so like with everything it just takes practice. Ive found that talking to yourself and being comfortable with You is a good form. For awhile my body just didnt work well because it didnt recognize my own voice

For me, it's because I'm asked to repeat myself so many times and it wears on me. I might as well just keep quiet, instead of trying to ask people questions, just to have to repeat myself 5 times.

For me, I think it's a matter of slow processing. What stressed me out the most was pushing my brain to hear/understand faster and spit out an answer faster. People outrun my natural pace and trying to keep up is exhausting. In my younger days I was fairly good/sharp with certain subjects (nerdy/techie subjects) so my brain did work, but when it comes to interacting with humans there's a lot of 'lag.' (And it doesn't help that people tend to read meaning that isn't there into that lag.)

1. Having to actively think about social cues that most people process automatically.
2. Having only marginal interest in most conversations.
3. Previous negative experiences from unintentional social faux pas, increasing anxiety.
4. The desperate attempt not to be a wallflower.

I find it's similar to software emulation. The calculations you're running are outside of your native instruction set, and it takes a significantly higher degree of effort to piece together the functions you do have to achieve the desired result.

Ugghhh i feel you it must be an aspie thing or something because i get worn out from social interaction... thats why at about 6-7 o clock at night i am just emotionally and physically beat and my brain is worn out. whenever it is a holliday or celebration i have to go to dinner with big family ughhhh... thats one of reasons i never liked my birthday...

let me think.. hmm okay last time i had a family gathering was easter my family watched golf and my mom made me sit in the same big den/kitchen area so i wouldnt go iolate myself and listen to music or play with my relatives cat . so i sat on a couch by myself but with complete view of whole room and i could hear and see everything going on they were watching masters... so i sat theri adn answered questions that were directed at me but otherwise i was in my own world and i drew some pretty neat dragons... i try more and more to initiate social interaction but when there is a large amount of people or my maeds are worn off or i have had a long day i just wanna be left alone.. the Noise and action and movement is just wayyy to much stiimulation... in fact on my birthday we went to a jappanese steakhouse where they do all the tricks and cook food in front of you, the food was excellent but it was very noisy and so much was going on... halfway through i realized i was leainon my elbow on the table with one of my ears in my palm to cover some noise and by the time we were gonna leave soon i had both ears covered i tried to stop but it was just too much...

I don't know. But I did notice something odd. If there's an activity, its far less exhausting. Playing cards, for instance, apparently counts as "socializing". If there's an activity, I can get involved more in the conversation, I'm far less anxious, and it's much less stressful and exhausting. It's best if it's something that has structure and clear goals. Something like swimming at the lake isn't quite as good, because there's no structure to it, it's open ended and there isn't anything in particular you're supposed to be trying to achieve. But even that is still much better than just sitting around, doing nothing except talking.

It's when there's no activity that I really run into problems. I don't understand what the point is, how people decide how long it's supposed to go on for or when it's achieved whatever it's supposed to achieve. I usually just find myself wishing that we could DO something or that it could be over.