How to deal with a needy(socially) friend?
My friend just broke up with her boyfriend, who was on a trip with the rest of the senior class in Florida. I was one of her only friends who did not go. She was having problems all week, and then eventually broke up with him Thursday. They returned from the trip yesterday. All week she has been using my time talking to me, so that I may console her. Somehow she likes the advice I give. Anyway, "she doesn't want to go places alone", and asks me to go to these places with her. For example, our school had a chorus concert Thursday, and I went to the concert with her. However, she ended up ditching me to talk to her boyfriend's/ex-boyfriend's parents, and when she was conversing with me it was about her problems. I didn't have a problem with it, because I could sympathize for her. Unfortunately, her mind was all over the place, and she kept changing it, which kind of annoyed me. When I got home, I was too tired to do any of my plans or routines, because of the stress and sudden social interaction; I really didn't like the concert. So I ended up having to ditch my plans. That night she broke up with her boyfriend, and I thought it would be over. Instead, she asks me to do a lot of small things, and now she wants me to go to a hockey game, because she has nobody else to go with her. I have already deviated my plans too much, and I am pretty exhausted at this point. At the same time I don't want to make her feel lonely, by saying no. Normally, I wouldn't mind, but we both have the AP Calculus exam this Wednesday, and I wanted to practice all the Free-Response problems I could practice so that I will be certain to receive my 5, the score my college requires. She on the other hand, has given up on studying, and doesn't seem able to empathize. The way she asks these questions though, usually starts off with "will you be anywhere at 2:30?" and I reply honestly with no, and then she asks if I can go to the event. So there is no easy way to turn her down it seems; I can't create an excuse or just say "I'm busy." She knows about my problems, but I don't think, she, like most people, understands. How might I deal with this now, and in the future(with other friends?)
She is pretty much the only person I consider a friend, in terms of being able to empathize with, so I really don't want to ruin our friendship, but she has the habit of taking things too personally to the point she ends up forcefully ruining her friendships, even though it is unintentional and she does mean well.
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Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You scored 112 aloof, 112 rigid and 115 pragmatic
Can you just be honest & say you are not seeming to do anything but in fact are studying?
Can you just be honest & say you are not seeming to do anything but in fact are studying?
Well, I tried that. I asked if there was anybody else, with less responsibilities, who can go. She said to wait a minute, she'll ask a few people. The problem with telling her no, because I'm studying, is that I spend most of my free time studying something or another. So it seems as if I'm less busy than I actually am, to other people; that it is all I do, in their eyes, so I must be too thorough with my preparation, and don't need to study as much(according to them.) That and the irrational situation of her mindset currently, might lead to future problems as friends, considering her personality type. In effect, I'm not sure whether or not I'd be considered selfish and neglectful if I chose to study rather than help a friend, who is depressed, by going with her. It will end up being around 6 hours, and I just don't want to afford the time, but also don't feel as if I can help much since I've become exhausted by social events this week. Of course, I also worry for her mindset, because she is quite a sociable person, and to have no friends to go with her after such a hard situation, might be very detrimental to her mental health. She did all these things with her boyfriend, so she might feel lonely without him, hence the unhealthy mental state. I've never had anybody so dependent on me, in terms of friendship before, so I don't know how to respond. What should be my priority? My friend's mental stability, or the higher chance of receiving my score on my test?
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Your Aspie score: 157 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 47 of 200
You scored 112 aloof, 112 rigid and 115 pragmatic
