if someone changes the topic of discussion...

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

Merculangelo
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 282
Location: Oklahoma City

22 May 2012, 10:41 pm

If you tell someone about something and they move to a different topic without responding to your sharing information, can that mean that they don't like what you said? What kinds of signs would there be that they are not bored but actually don't like what you said. And lets assume you didn't say something negative, but just were sharing information like a class you are taking.



Chris71
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 24 May 2011
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 208
Location: Netherlands

23 May 2012, 3:23 am

In my opinion, neither of those reasons.

I think that usually a change of topic of (verbal) conversation, without addressing your point, is a result of you having triggered their memory of some event or anecdotal story with some keywords that you mentioned in your own point.

The "listener" is more overwhelmed by his own memory of something that you just reminded him of through a couple of keywords, rather then any conscious desire to change topic.



pastafarian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 549
Location: London

23 May 2012, 3:28 am

Merculangelo wrote:
If you tell someone about something and they move to a different topic without responding to your sharing information, can that mean that they don't like what you said? What kinds of signs would there be that they are not bored but actually don't like what you said. And lets assume you didn't say something negative, but just were sharing information like a class you are taking.


Sounds more likely that they simply wanted to chat about something else. Rather than look for signs, explore the likelihood that they didn't like what you said.. Would they normally be interested in the class? Is it something they take too, or the sort of thing they like? I'd generally assume that you just didn't hit some common ground.
If its on a subject that doesn't really float their boats, its unlikely you said something they didn't like.

Unless you think you said something provocative or controversial from the class?

Hopefully they changed the subject to something you could both talk about, rather than just them now sharing information with you that you aren't interested in!



morgandy
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

30 May 2012, 12:59 am

I doubt it means they don't like what you said. Most likely they're trying to move the conversation on to a new tangent or topic, which is a natural and normal part of conversation. If you've been talking a while and it the topic change seems abrupt, consider the possibility that you may have missed some cues that the conversation should take a new turn and the person is now redirecting it forcefully (taking their turn in the "give and take" of a conversation).



NicoleG
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 667
Location: Texas

30 May 2012, 8:36 pm

I sometimes get annoyed by this, but I agree with the above. I think a lot of people are more likely to keep moving a conversation forward, which means it doesn't stay directly on any one topic, but flows from one topic to another to another. It annoys me, because I have a harder time changing topics with them, and if I still had thoughts about a previous topic, my brain has a hard time letting those thoughts go, so it's a bit of an internal struggle for me to sometimes keep up. Most of the time I can, but sometimes, I just get frustrated by the "flow" of the conversation, as it feels more like tumultuous waves crashing over me, instead of smooth sailing. (I love metaphors.)



StevenT
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

30 May 2012, 11:02 pm

If an NT changes the topic it probably means that the conversation is just small talk. A big difference between NTs and Auties is that while we talk to convey information NTs talk to convey social cues, in small talk the topic is unimportant. When I'm talking to two or more NTs at the same time I'm often locked out as the topic jumps around. The person you were talking to probably didn't mean any offense, they probably just didn't realize you had more to say.



Merculangelo
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 282
Location: Oklahoma City

31 May 2012, 9:38 am

The situation was a little different from a conversation. I was meeting with an advisor. I've heard the way she talks to other people and it seems really different from the way she talks to me, in general. But this time also, I mentioned my work with another professor twice and it was like she didn't hear it. There was a pause and then she asked me a new question. It really seemed like a point where she should have at least said it's nice that I'm doing this work, especially because I'm pretty sure the way I mentioned it showed I was excited about it. I got the feeling there was something going on here, such as that she didn't like the fact that I'm working with my professor or that there is something more general going on between the two of them.



SanityTheorist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,105
Location: The Akuma Afterglow

31 May 2012, 11:58 am

Merculangelo wrote:
The situation was a little different from a conversation. I was meeting with an advisor. I've heard the way she talks to other people and it seems really different from the way she talks to me, in general. But this time also, I mentioned my work with another professor twice and it was like she didn't hear it. There was a pause and then she asked me a new question. It really seemed like a point where she should have at least said it's nice that I'm doing this work, especially because I'm pretty sure the way I mentioned it showed I was excited about it. I got the feeling there was something going on here, such as that she didn't like the fact that I'm working with my professor or that there is something more general going on between the two of them.


Am I right that she is advocating for you then? Could have forced them to listen to you, but they hate that (yet ironically it seems the only damn way to not get ignored.)


_________________
My music at: http://www.youtube.com/user/SanityTheorist5/videos

Currently working on getting in a studio to record my solo album 40+ tracks written.

Chatroom nicks: MetalFluttershy/MetalTwilight/SanityTheorist


NicoleG
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 667
Location: Texas

31 May 2012, 12:44 pm

Merculangelo wrote:
The situation was a little different from a conversation. I was meeting with an advisor. I've heard the way she talks to other people and it seems really different from the way she talks to me, in general. But this time also, I mentioned my work with another professor twice and it was like she didn't hear it. There was a pause and then she asked me a new question. It really seemed like a point where she should have at least said it's nice that I'm doing this work, especially because I'm pretty sure the way I mentioned it showed I was excited about it. I got the feeling there was something going on here, such as that she didn't like the fact that I'm working with my professor or that there is something more general going on between the two of them.


Advisors, counselors, and therapists all tend to have their own agendas. It's rare to find one that works with you rather than working to fix or change you according to their predefined assumptions and training. It sounds like you might have one of the more common fixer-types than be dealing with the less common helper-type. If you don't have the option of finding another advisor, then take her advice with a grain of salt and recognize that she may not have your best interests at heart, especially if she isn't listening to you when you're providing her with valuable information.



minervx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155
Location: United States

01 Jun 2012, 7:06 pm

It could be. Or it could be that they just have something they really want to talk about. Conversations naturally change topics like mercury. Sometimes we have a lot information that we never get to use. Deal with it, at least until the same conversation comes up at a later time.



thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

03 Jun 2012, 11:21 pm

I'm not sure saying "they didn't like" is the right word. It could just be that they don't know how to respond. Without knowing what you said it's kind of hard to contextualize.