Weird Social Life?

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Ok let me start off by saying I work, I do online school, and go to church(dont really like it etc). As for work I sometimes go to their parties and talk with a few people but not many, I also go to some of the teen clubs(which my coworkers dont like since Im 20 but my boss forces them to let me go since Im emotionally disabled and have papers to prove that Im in the teen stage). School during the spring and summer I go to disablitiy classes and help the leaders out, I also go to campus events(when Im not working) but I dont really talk to anyone during these events(sometimes Ill ask hows it going and start a conversation etc but its generally only a few minutes). As for church Im not involved with people my own age, I go to the church softball and play in those games, I help with VBS(but dont generally talk with anyone my age just the little kids*) and help in childrens sunday school which is the same*.
At home I usually play solo games and when Im in a multiplayer game I generally cant keep a conversation up for more then a half hour? Also at home I usually just go to my room after chores and some school events and just play games, sometimes I watch things with my family and play some family games but thats abou tit when it comes to family?
I dont go to parties(unless work or church related) I usually dont go to movies or dances unless my guy friends go which sometimes happens but even then I dont talk with anyone much except them? I dont usually like shopping at the mall, and the other places I do hang out with and not much are gaming/computer shops and places that sell anime? Even then I get picked on in most of those 3 mentioned above for being a girl, and generally those 3 places mentioned above already have their little clicks formed and wont accept anyone different? There are exceptions to this like Gamers Haven, FredMeyers etc but I cant drive and my mother has to take me and usually thats while shes shopping and as such sometimes I have to leave a conversation because she wants to go home?
Anyone think this is a weird social life for a 20 year old?
I dont drink, smoke, have sex, and I cant eat alot of things most ppl my age eat and drink? I just play videogames, talk about computers, neuroscience, anime when others ask(I keep to myself usually because I know not many ppl in real life like this stuff)?
So is this a weird social life that I have?

If you are happy with your social life, then it doesn't matter if it's weird.

I'm a little older than you, but I don't have the social life that women my age have either. I rarely go anywhere. If I am working I go to work and apart from that I go to the swimming pool, the library and the supermarket. Sometimes I go to Church, or to my boyfriend's Mum's (not my choice, although she is very nice). Perhaps once a month (at the most) I go for coffee with a friend. I prefer to be indoors, on my own. I know this is not like other women but I am happy with my life the way it is.

You just described my early 20's when I had moved back into my parents' house. I finally forced myself to start frequenting a coffee shop that was just up the street from my parents' house, and I started being social that way, but otherwise I never left the house except for work. Even at the coffee shop, I spent a lot of time with my head in a reading book or writing in a journal or notebook of some sort.

The thing is my parents want me to be more normal and have a better normal social life? They want to control everything and seeing other NTs and their social lifes they want me to be just like them...why? Most NTs I know maybe in relationships, but the DONT study, they get drunk, they get into relationship fights etc...I dont really want that, and they wont listen to me, saying oh Ill find the one for me.....?
As for my social life though most of the time Im happy with it however I would like people my own age to get along with me at least and not bully me especially at church? I dont DO ANYTHING to deserve this?

Oh that is sad. When I was your age I had a pet rabbit, that bunny was the first thing other than my Mum or my sister that I'd felt a real connection to. I hardly ever went out (much less than you do) and my Dad decided that if I didn't have the rabbit I would go out more and do more with my life, just like other girls. So he gave her away. I wish I had just taken her and left, but I had a low paying job and nowhere to go with her. After that, I went out even less. I tried to take my own life twice, and I didn't work again for a year I was so distraught. It was almost two years before I worked full time again. My Dad pushed me further than I could go, and you can't do that with Aspergers people., it's just cruel.

Explain firmly to your family that you are happy with your social life. Tell them you won't ever be 'normal' and they should accept that. Do explain that you are much more social than many people with Aspergers. Explain to them how lucky they are to have a child who works hard and behaves responsibly. You could also say that you are hard-working and responsible because they have brought you up well. Twenty is very young, there is no need for you to be dating if you don't wish to do so. You will find the one for you, but in your own time. Concentrating on your studies seems like the most sensible thing to me. Explain what could happen if you were pushed to do more than is possible for you.

Are you saying that the people your age at Church are bullying you? If so that is unacceptable and very un-Christian. If there is a Youth Leader you could let them know what is going on.

If you do want more friends, then certainly look for some - but do it at your own pace. You do online school, but could you do an evening class in your town to meet people, or join a club connected to one of your interests?

I hope you find some nice friends, and that your parents understand. I'm sure they just want what is best for you, even if they aren't getting it quite right.

My dad doesnt believe autism exists and expects things to be put under the rug or you do it right now. My dad doesnt belive I have social problems and says that to my face yet he says behind myback why cant she be more normal, and alot of times he calls me names and stuff.
As for getting out so far I cant drive,nor istheir a bus thats close buy thats in a trust worthy neighborhood(I have bad bus experiences with the ones here). As for the clubs things generally speaking I WAS in a art club that didnt end well(the person used me until someone new came along then I was dropped likea hotpotato), as for gaming clubs their full of their own people and arent excepting new comers and make snidy comments(no ret*d people allowed even thoughI didnt tell em anything,...Ihave a look to me that says that) the store keeper cant do anything? Their is one store but theirs circulation /air problems their and I cant go much because of the gas(and itsn ot fairto mymother for her todonothing for a few hours)
Ido have to say though my church leaders are in denail or sayyou misunderstood when confronting the person, whojust plays themalong and makes me look likethe trouble maker. As for another thingthough I do like my church softball league and working with the littlekids and teenagers. I guess its because their myage emotionally?

As for anime clubs generally speaking my coworkers dont like me for it nor myboss for this. Anime club and other clubs I like that are sponsored andhosted bythem are for TEENS, and because I go to these events they make snide comments andbully me.My boss cant do anything aboutit but shecan use my papers stating that Im 2/3 my own age and lets mego to them on that. Ihave no problems withmy older boss nor with my coworkers who have relatives who aredisabled...

My mother and father both want me to be acceptedby others my own age, so I can eventually get out of the house or take care of them(I canunderstand that part since their oldandall) however forthatlast part which they alwaysseem to forget and get into arguements isthis, we made a agreeement infront of my psychologist that they cant come inmy room nor can they exepct me to dochores first thing when Iget home. School, Work, and some wind downtime comefirst. I have tried it their way ofdoing thingsthe normal way/first and it never ends well.
To be honest its kind of ironic my church hates my inappropriateness(which im cluelss aboutand theyknow it) and same with other adults who are disabled but think the kids who are disabled are special. They dont realize(even though theyve been told)that you cant grow outof a disablitiy.

Its alsoweird I get alongbetter with Atheists and Agnostics moreso then I do Christians? I guess because theyvebeen treated bad by their parents(I havent gotten into the abuse fromwhen I was a child and still sometimes abused asan adult) and churches aswell?
Long story short Im surrounded by Atheist Autistics in my social group(some high funcitioning)none aregirls and are consdenscending towards Christians becauseoftheir experiences withChristians?
Its like a never ending hate cycle between the Christians and the Atheists/disabled here....Cantwe all just get along?
Yet the Auties in my group arent mean tome some think its weird that a Christianwould hang outwith them(why)and , granted some of the ones Irespect the most think Im stupid, but hey Im the onewitha job and in school while their not?Granted they have more friendsthen I do and their older?

How is it possible to be an Aspie/Autie but be friends withalot of NT's?(nothing wrong with NTs just curious is all)

To Keniichi

You sound so like me. I think you need to understand there are two sets of thoughts running here.

1. This a thought more related to a group interacting with each other.



2. This is a thought about your interaction with others.

I know both are connected and it is very frustrating as you have to consider the first when doing the second. But the important thing to remember is:

You can interact with anyone, you have fun with. It does not matter what group they belong to.
People on spectrum are as different as other people. So it is not necessary that you need to get along with some just because they are on the spectrum. If you get along, you get along. It has nothing to do with being on the spectrum or not. My best relationships are people who are better socially than me, but somehow complement me.

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I also dont do any of the things that you dont do. I also just read manga or books on psych and biology and watch anime or documentaries. None of the people i have spoken to have liked any of these things due to which i stopped for sometime. But then i realised i was miserable as i was not doing anything that i liked. I worked myself into a depression following what others told me.

So just do what makes sense to you. Interact with people you like and do things that you want to.

It seems like you are battling ignorance on all sides. It's a shame that your parents won't listen to what your psychologist says, I'm sure they mean well of course, but that is frustrating. It's disappointing that your Church aren't more helpful - but I understand what you mean about people not having an understanding of adult disability. I don't know where they think we all go when we turn 18!

By the sounds of things you are doing everything right. Just hang on in there and hope your parents come to appreciate things the way they are.

my parents never wanted me to have normal social life or live like NT's
they always asked me not to mingle with others, they forcibly made me sit alone at home
they would not let me socialize.
finally the outcome is that i don't have social life
and even after i got married and started living separately with my parents
they would dominate my life and decide what i should do and shouldn't do
ultimately i had to cut off from them.
i don't think i have aspergers its just that i am from a broken dysfunctional family
and others cannot relate with me.
i don't think i would have good social life ever.....
my place is like a doormat a tissue paper
i can relate with what you are going through....
but if you are naturally introvert then you will find it difficult to be extrovert

Yes however I have to keep on my toes and bite my tongue so to speak with both groups. Im open to alot of different political and religions view points as such my parents dont like that, neither do the Auties/Aspies in realife. I dont want to be converted to anything nor convert anyone against their own will. I have siad this to htem but they still try and get offended when I say and defend my own beliefs. Both sides do this.
As for understandign and hanging out with them I do but its very hard at times because of these things I try to be respectful to both and be diplomatic.

I think you and me would possible get along in real life. We seem to get along on some level so far. I also like Chemistry.

That absolutely sucks!

Ya sometimes I just want to get away you know? Most of the time now I just be respectful and try not to let them bother me you know? But its hard at times especially when Im surrounded. My church nor is my home sensory friendly, and my room well thats a disaster!! Looked like a hurricane went through it a few days ago, but I did finally get about 85 percent cleaned up, apparently keeping my room clean and being my parents slave makes the family life easier.
I dont see the importance of chores though. Things youll just have to do again and again, really no point.

To Keniichi

Similar to you. Even i have to keep on watching my mouth. Though to be very honest, i did not start doing it easily. I screwed up very badly in my last job due to it. i still get what are the things you can say and cannot say. So it is a work in progress. But one trick i learnt from my brother and watching others is that i should not voice an opinion. I have always been a fairly quite person otherwise too. I also generally dont have any more than a high-bye relationship with most people.

With regarding not wanting to be converted against your wishes. The truth is that in most of the neurotypical world people dont do things because they make sense, they do it because they want to be in a group. So that involves pretending not to notice anomolies in them. People go to painful extremes to be part of a group and dont even realise that there is an alternative.

[quote]I think you and me would possible get along in real life. We seem to get along on some level so far. I also like Chemistry. Cool[quote]

Yes in real life we could possibly get along well. I actually hang around and interact on the forum for that. Hang around here and or places like these and i am sure you will be fine.

Keniichi, I have parents that have tried to normalize me to some extreme. While they love me, they don't see or understand the whole picture. They are just frustrated with me being me. It's a struggle we will just have to deal with day by day. In terms of how to help yourself find a happy medium, the best thing to do is to get out and keep trying new things every now and then. If you have an opportunity to go on a trip or try something new, don't say no! Bear and grin it! This is one of the best ways to grow out of this state of confusion we are all in, but at the same time we can still find an identity that allows us to survive in this cruel world.

Yes I have you all to rant err I mean "talk" too!
Jking.
But I have tried some new things lately, Ive been more open to people.

You can do it in reality too. Everybody rants. Common rants makes people feel close to each other. So go ahead.



Good for you. (imagine a thumbs up sign)