Parties

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I live at home still and in my early 30s. I can't afford my own place and also cost of living here in Northern VA is very high.
I was wondering for those of you who do live with a parent or parents do they have parties at the house where they invite family or friends? It doesn't matter the size. It can be 5 people to as many as 20. What do you do at these parties? Do you hide in your room? Do you try and socialize? Or do you go out with another friend to avoid the parties? What about family get togethers during the holidays? Do you hate them? To me its the noise and crowds that just makes me feel uncomfortable. For instance we are having a party next Sat and there will be 20 people all together. I know many of them for years, but still I hate parties. I even hate my own birthday party! Some guests laugh so loud that its annoying to me. But there is this one guest that parents invited that is annoying to me and was wondering how would you deal with such a man. He's Korean so maybe its a cultural thing? Not sure. I'm half Korean. He's around 50 and has 3 teen girls and is married. Whenever he seems me (once or twice a year) he asks me when I'm going to get married and that he has to hook me up with a nice looking Korean man. I act all nice but I find him to be very rude and insulting to me. I have plenty of co workers who are in their late 20s to late 40s and some aren't married, but I don't ask them about their love life, because its personal. So this is why I avoid parties at all costs, due to people like this man asking me personal questions! It's annoying! What do I do? Do I tell him to stop asking me those questions because its hurtful? I don't like to drink either and hate to be around those who love to drink and act crazy. So this means I guess no more family get togethers for me since I hate crowds. I have felt like this since I was around 12 or so.

I think many NTs get anxious at parties too, although they would manage better with small talk.

I have frequent gatherings with the relatives, ususally relatives of the in-laws, or friends of my partner etc, from 10 to 20 people.

My coping mechanism consists of
- sneakily gobble down a bottle of wine before the party builds up.
- pre-prepared questions. In the week before the party, try to find out what's been happining recently to various people, if they've been on vacation, if they've changed jobs, moved house, got a cat/dog or whatever. So then I go into the party with a little encyclopedia of what to ask about.

With regard to feeling prodded & probed about "when are you going to get married", I think single NTs get that problem too and find it awkward to deal with. If you're still getting pushed by this person and you feel there is nothing worth saving in the conversation, then just tell them that you have a form of autism. Tell them to look it up. That should keep them quiet for a while.

You are not alone; I don't like parties either. I'm a single NT and I hate the stock questions that people ask - are you married, seeing someone, where do you live and with whom, and what do you do. I think it's rude and it makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I suppose some people are either nosey or they are trying too quickly to build a personal bond with you.
I've known people for years and never ask them the "stock" questions. If it doesn't come up in natuarlly in a regular conversation, I just assume they don't want to talk about it and it's none of my business.

If you find yourself confronted with these intruding "stock" questions again, you could try being evasive. For example:

Him: Are you still single?
You: I've got my eye on someone, but I don't really want to talk about it, thanks.

Because you finish with "I don't want to talk about it", it would be very rude for him to enquire further. If he is that rude, you could say "No, really. I'm not going to be talking about it" and then move on.

This is the kind of thing I do sometimes. I find it works well with strangers that I don't want to open up to.

Does it matter what race the person is? I see this "do you have a boyfriend" "When are you going to get married" questions asked by Koreans mostly. No one on dad's family for instance have ever asked me about my personal love life. Maybe its a Korean custom to be this nosy? I'm half Korean by the way.

I always just stand off to the side anxious as hell...I hate groups above 10 or so people where I'm expected to socialize with them all at some point.

I can always hide in my room but then people will wonder where I ran off to. I can surely just come downstairs to kitchen grab some food then go back upstairs to my room and tell people I have to study? But I'm way out of college so I can't use that excuse.

Yeah, my parents throw get-togethers with relatives once in awhile. Usually when my parents do this I try to plan something with my friends so I'm not there for the party. If it happens that I am at home, I tend to take little breaks where I'll go up to my room for a few minutes and then re-appear again later so it doesn't look like I'm being too antisocial. I don't like them because the conversation usually ends up "so how's it going?" "Did you find a job yet?" "Why didn't you take that opportunity, that was dumb." "Are you planning on moving back to Alberta?" I used to get this really bad complex when holidays were here at the dinner table my hands would start shaking and I'd start having a panic attack. Luckily that doesn't happen too often anymore, probably because of my meds. I feel ashamed that I still live at home and I don't have a "real" job. I just don't like socializing with my family, I always feel like the black sheep. The girl with the special needs or The girl that still lives at home with mommy and daddy and who doesn't have a real job or the girl with mental problems. I don't like birthday parties for me either, I hate being the center of attention.

I like to avoid family get-togethers but there are only so many you can avoid before they start getting offended because they feel that you don't want to see them so I suggest to try and keep a balance, go every once in awhile so they know you don't hate them.

As for the guy, just tell him straight forward that you're not looking to date right now or you could tell him that you have a crush or a girlfriend.

Would it be ok to say to that someone who asks me about marriage and to hook me up with a man, that I'm dating a man already but that he's married and has kids?

Yeah sure, whatever gets him off of your back. I'd definitely come up with an excuse like that.

i find that the older generation usually ask such question
they get into personal space and intrude
whereas the new generation is least bothered about personal stuff
we discuss more on general topics

preferably avoid gatherings and social do's where older generation people
are around they will keep on nagging you

I wouldn't go there; don't want people to think your a cheater.

I like the idea of saying you are thinking about someone but don't want to talk about it.

I wonder if saying "I don't want to jynx it" would be more likely to avoid suspicion.

I don't handle big family parties well either and I don't like people asking my about my marital status. I still have a nice life when I am with people I am comfortable with. In general, everybody has the right to choose who they share what with. So do you! I know how difficult this is for you, because I also live with my parrents and in the late 30's and I don't like to be asked about it. I also refuses to have some people from my past as friends on facebook. Go on girl, you are not alone