What conversation topics would keep a person interested..???

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LittleSwallow
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26 Jun 2012, 5:53 am

..and what to listen to you more??

I don't know at this stage, I have been trying to speak about anything, and also trying to make may voice sound less monotonous, by making it louder (not shouting, but just loud) and giving it different tones, so that it does not sound like one big, boring tone, but as usually they always call over someone else to talk.

Please help?



Ilka
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26 Jun 2012, 6:18 am

The difficult part is that there is no standard. People would be interested in a very different kind of topics, depending on their own likes. Thats why people usually start conversation with standard topics like weather and take from there. What works for me is making "them" talk. Most people love to talk sbout themselves. They would think you are a great listener and someone trustable. You can start with a simple questions like: what do you like to do in your free time? Or, I watched "Madagascar" over the weekend. Do you like movies? (Because I do like movies, so thats a great subject for me). Something like that, share a little about you, but let them do all the talking.



McAnulty
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26 Jun 2012, 6:19 am

There is no single topic that everyone will enjoy. The best approach is to find out what the interests of the person you are speaking to are and talking about that.



Senath
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26 Jun 2012, 7:39 am

Ikla brings up some good ideas. It's true, unfortunately. Everyone has different ideas about what is interesting. I have trouble remembering to include people and draw them in by asking questions about them and their interests because I'm so busy trying to make myself appear normal that I'm all focused on me.

Really general questions are good to start with. "So how was your weekend?" on Monday or "Anything fun planned this weekend?" on Friday works well too. Try not to do too many yes-or-no questions, though. The point is to get them talking, and find out what you're both mutually interested in that you can share as a topic of conversation.

You can start with talking about whatever it is that brought you two in the same vicinity, whether it be school, work, the grocery store... just don't start out with something too personal if you've only just met the person. Play it safe if you're not sure. And if you seem to be hitting it off and you're going to continue seeing the other person in whatever situation you're in, you can offer your name and ask for the other person's (then you have to try to remember it though :roll: ). I'm bad at remembering to ask for the other person's name when mine is asked, too.



arielhawksquill
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26 Jun 2012, 7:50 am

The topic most neurotypical people like to talk about best is themselves. Asking a few not-too-personal questions about what they enjoy or spend their time doing, then listening attentively to their answers (nodding and saying the occasional "Uh huh" or "Interesting!") will make them think you are a great conversationalist.

If what you are hoping for is that people will listen to you monologue about your special interests, there's very little chance of that happening in a conversation. The best you could do would be to offer to give a lecture on that topic to a school club or social club devoted to that interest, or become a teacher or professor of that subject.



schleppenheimer
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26 Jun 2012, 8:19 am

As Ilka said, most people love to talk about themselves. Socially, the people who are considered great conversationalists are really just the people who know how to get OTHERS to talk about themselves. The most clever conversationalists basically become neutral -- not having opinions that are way too positive or way to negative about any subject, BUT, they do have opinions. For example:

"I like Thai food. Have you ever tried it?"
If the person responds no, then you say "There's this place that is great for a first-time thai food experience..."
but then you can say "What is your favorite restaurant around here? What do you like about it?"

You can often turn a conversation about different restaurants into where someone has traveled, such as "You like Thai food? Where did you first learn that you liked thai food?" which could lead to a local restaurant, OR, the person may have actually been to Thailand.

Being good at conversation usually means listening to your companions, and then taking bits of THEIR conversation, and using them as a springboard to ask more questions, and/or keep the conversation going.

If someone says "I went to see the movie 'Seeking a Friend for the End of the World' over the weekend," you can then say "I wanted to see that movie! Was it any good?" ... and as they answer either yes or no, you then fashion your conversation according to the answer, i.e. "What did you like about it?" or "wow, it was that bad? Why?"

There is a good site that I've found valuable called MySocialUpgrade.com. It is really a great place to learn all sorts of social skills. Take a look at it and see if any of it is helpful.



Gnonymouse
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26 Jun 2012, 6:45 pm

The topic and even the tone are less important than responding the right way so that the conversation keeps going. An incorrect response can kill the conversation.

Listen closely to successful conversations, there is a back-and-forth based on standard conversational conventions.



Wolfheart
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27 Jun 2012, 12:34 am

A good conversation opener is something impersonal, something that isn't too deep or off putting, many people start a conversation with something like the weather. Try to make it a positive comment on how the weather is beautiful.

A good way is to get the person talking about themselves, you don't want yes and no answers, you want the person to respond. Take note of the sentence they have spoken and repeat with something that is relevant to them in detail, something that is open ended.

The conversation should follow and stay on a topic that is relevant, try to get the person talking about themselves or their plans. Never start by discussing something deep such as religion or politics, that is something for people that are close.



Jaydee
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29 Jun 2012, 4:54 am

arielhawksquill wrote:
The topic most neurotypical people like to talk about best is themselves. Asking a few not-too-personal questions about what they enjoy or spend their time doing, then listening attentively to their answers (nodding and saying the occasional "Uh huh" or "Interesting!") will make them think you are a great conversationalist.

If what you are hoping for is that people will listen to you monologue about your special interests, there's very little chance of that happening in a conversation. The best you could do would be to offer to give a lecture on that topic to a school club or social club devoted to that interest, or become a teacher or professor of that subject.
Good points here. Also, the topic that most neurotypical people like to listen to is their interlocutor telling about themselves. So a great topic is yourself. Not your special interest, but you. Who you are. Where you come from. What do you do, do you like what you're doing, do you like the place you live, etc etc. What many people call "sharing". I'm sure many aspies are hesistant about telling about having AS, but I know that many people would find it interesting to listen to what you have to say about it. :-)



Duncan
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29 Jun 2012, 11:01 am

Sharing is the toughest thing for me

I also feel paranoid that the other person is not listening