NTs and letting conformism take over their lives

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I always thought people let money become more important than anything, but I think conformism comes first (in an NT opinion) before anything in the world. Well, not sure if other countries are so big on being sheep but here in the UK it has become appalling. I don't know what's gotten into the public this century, but people have become even more judgemental than ever, especially women. Men do to a degree, but normally they think of more important things to worry about and move on, but women seem to always be thinking of the best ways to conform and how to be perfect, and being a perfect human isn't possible, which is why it's a never ending thing. You're not really getting anywhere by trying to be perfect, because nobody's perfect. You really can't win in the conformist world.

(Here's a little poem I made up)
You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, you're damned if you will, you're damned if you won't, you're damned of you can, you're damned if you can't, you're damned if you shall, you're damned if you shan't.

If you come across a woman who is not as attractive as you, you get glared at because they may be jealous of you. If you come across a woman who is prettier than you, you still get glared at because they get critical. If you're as pretty as them they still don't like it for some reason. I'm jealous of everybody who is more confident and has more social skills than me, but I don't go around glaring at them. I just have to grin and bear it.

Also women act like being a little bit overweight is a crime. I despair of it. I don't want to be overweight myself, but I don't judge against other women who are fat. Who cares? They might not mind being fat, who am I to judge?

Admittedly, I do like to look presentable, but I don't take conformism as a matter of life and death. I do it to make myself feel great, not to impress people who I might never see again. I think some people go too far just to fit in, and the more people do this, the more it will be harder to fit in whether you're unconfident or not. I really think conformists have gone too far. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as this in the early 1900s. People have gotten too competitive these days. What you do think?

I don't think conformity is recent. Since the beginning of recorded history people have been conforming.

I don't think conformity is recent. Since the beginning of recorded history people have been conforming. How about corsets, even to the point where women passed out and lost babies because of it? Not having sex before marriage? Absolutely having to get married? Lots and lots of conformity. Fashion trends didn't just come around recently either. And while now it's better to be thin, it used to be better to be fat. We'll always find a way to be conformists.

It's easier to conform than be picked on for being different.

Which is why I follow all these fads too. I hate being ridiculed, so I have to make effort to not be picked on. But I also do it for myself and my friends, not for strangers who judge me anyways.

Urgh... my brother is like the Mary Sue of conformism. His need to conform to the mainstream is so important that he actively tries to drag me and my parents with him, and abuse me mentally and psychologically if I don't.

For starters, he absolutely can't stand the idea that me and other grown men and women enjoy My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

It's our biology.

We evolved from social primates. We are biologically programmed to reject those who don't conform; because a long time ago that could mean they were a danger to the pack.

...

Last edited by SpiritBlooms on 09 Jul 2012, 7:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I agree on the point that women are becoming more judgmental especially those that pollute their minds and world views with magazines and sculpted celebrities, at the same time many don't know a douchebag when they've seen one (or felt the fist of one for that matter)...
don't take it as discrimintation because i'm a man, but I do know enough on how to use Photoshop to make all but the ugliest and fattest women into supermodels ripe for a magazine cover...




We have an old saying in Denmark: "Utak er verdens løn" (Ingratitude is the wage the world gives you)... no matter what you do, there's always someone who hates you for it.


And whether you're a woman or a man, if you don't conform or don't seem attractive, be prepared for women talking behind your back... WITHIN hearing range
I'm a man with long hair and, until recently, a sizeable beard.... I often heard young women remarking behind my back that I looked like Jesus... But for crying out loud, if you want to criticise me or my looks, do it to my face, that other s**t is just too low...


If there's one thing I have learned... women with a little volume are often the funniest to be around... I don't want to hear about their calorie picking, diets, hot guys and celebrities... in fact I broke up with one of my ex gf's because she couldn't stop talking about her recent hot, new idol. For crying out loud, go marry him if you don't care about me
I don't want to be imposed on a diet, I don't want to see any of my food thrown away because she's a picky eater or because she eats 2.5 milligrams of the stuff and abandons the rest (bc of watching her figure). If I cook for anybody, expect me to slave over the stove for at least an hour to make sure the food tastes good...



Conformism has always been a staple of human society, that's for sure. It's always been there, but today it's been amplified by the media and the Internet... Whenever you put a picture on FB there's someone out there who criticises your lack of conformity... sometimes openly, sometimes not.

I dress not for conformity, but for practicality. I see no point in dressing up in more than a t-shirt and jeans for everyday things... For those occasions where I need to look good, I stretch myself to a shirt.
I honestly couldn't see myself in the classic businessman drone attire with ties and jackets...

I like what Foxx wrote. Very interesting answer.

But also what I'd like to say is, the rules of conformity overlap eachother, what makes it impossible to do anything right. Examples:-

All these narrow little shoes and boots are the fashion but they ruin your feet (some do), but at the same time if you're seen walking funny you are judged.

When my mum got sunburn unexpectedly on the back of her neck, she said, ''ohh, this looks funny, people will think I'm stupid''. But if you wrapped up to avoid getting sunburn when it's warm, people will still go against you and think you're stupid if you're not summery. But when this sort of thing happens in early or mid-spring, you're not always prepared for summer yet so you don't think of getting out your suncream, and I thought it was a common mistake most people make, so common that it becomes unnoticed.

_________

And back in the 30s, people were much friendlier. My mum grew up in a terrace, and could name every one of her neighbours along her road, and there were a lot of houses up her road so they must have been pretty friendly (well, they were, she said they were). I grew up in a road with fewer houses, and I can honestly say we only know about 3 neighbours along our row, the people in the other 10 houses are so unfriendly that we don't even know who they are, and my mum is a friendly person. Also people get critical if you don't buy your house. And even kids these days act so intimidating, even the ones as young as 6. Back in the olden days, kids always looked so innocent and respected their elders. Things have changed, people have gotten worse.

I grew up in small towns and rural areas, and often people there are still nice and friendly, saying hello to people while on a walk, playing with neighborhood kids on the street etc. are still common occurrences, but once you go live in the "big" city (Aarhus, primarily, but even in the outskirts it holds up), hoo boy, things change. Say hello to a passer-by while on a walk and you get a classic WTF glare. On the train, nobody talk with eachother, in the bars and pubs, different groups stay by themselves, nobody intermingles. As a result people are unhappy in some form or another and try to compensate with material goods and items that make them fit in. Nobody talks to that radical, and impulsive looking person over there, even though it's someone you'd like to know better...
I've had many good experiences getting together with people I've met over the Internet or just stood up and talked to randomly, it's one of life's pleasures to meet strangers and get to know their opinions and insights.

Really, the world today is skin-deep, especially when it comes to relationships, no fu**ing wonder there are so many divorce cases out there, at first it's a bit of flirting and dating, then engangement, which for many seems to be the same thing, except with a bloddy ring on the finger... but then comes marriage and all the "death do us part", and then the couple realizes: "HOOO SH*T, NOW IT'S FOR REAL" and it starts going downhill from there... especially if there are kids involved.
I really admire the people that stop while the game is good, break up or divorce and still stay friends afterwards... at least it's an indication that it all went a little deeper.
Then, a relationship was for conformity and to better the social group, today it's merely for status it seems... even the one night stand is in high regard in some places.
I'd hate to get a divorce, not only because I'm a man (and it's the man that usually gets punished, talk about gender equality BS!), but because of all the problems that comes with it, especially for an Aspergian like myself.

No matter what you do, people will laugh at you, people will stare at you, people will criticize you, all because of one thing... You don't fit in that little nonexistent box they call normality. Uniqueness is the gift of the world, conformity is the main illusion.
Having an open mind has apparently never been the norm, and that simply brings my piss to a boil. Everyone is given a gift by the world, the people around us, yet they criticize and slander it as the ungrateful bastards they are. In a way it's like getting that home knitted sweater from your grandma, she used days to knit it with her own two hands. It will keep you warm on a cold day and it's given to you with love and kindness, yet it's destined to rot in the closet for eterinity because you or your peers think it's ugly or nonconformist.

Be grateful for the gifts and teachings you are offered every day, you always have a choice... but as they say: "if you never, never go, you never, never know"... and yes, I learned that from an Australian TV commercial some 12 years ago

People (especially women) are quick to conform. It's because people are afraid to be themselves for fear of social rejection, again especially women because they're taught to be people-pleasers and "pretty" as soon as they're born. If they offend people or don't look what society considers to be pretty, they get insecure about themselves and since they can't conform they tend to be insecure and have the need to one-up others by being pretty or become jealous b/c they feel inferior.

I think we're all pretty much the same as we've always been. We just have history. Food, shelter, and sex. Everything else is just frill. It is a machine that is just trying to keep functioning like it always has.

you raise a good rail of though there, my friend, it made me think about my two nieces. The older one (age 3) is very much someone I could see falling into the norm when she gets older, she's practically obsessed with pretty clothes and has been like that pretty much since she started to walk. The younger one (age 2) takes life with more of a "meh" attitude...

For the older one, everything has to be pink and princessy, which is definitely not the case of the younger one... what I think may be a catalyst for this, is the fact that the older one was practically surrounded by pink and dolls, while the younger one tends to like everything but pink...

it's fun to see them grow up so differently even though they're together practically all the time and are so close together in age...

Although I'm the one ranting about conformism, that still doesn't mean I don't do it. What you wrote here describes me well. I'm glad I conform but at the same time realise how stupid it really is and how far women take it. Conformity is important to a degree, and it's true that living in a world without any conformism rules will be quite impossible, just like living in a world with everything free - sounds easy but when you really think about it, it is not. Money existing makes life more secure, but it'd be easier if things were cheaper and everything else was cheaper and nobody got greedy with it. Same goes with conformism - we need it to an extent, but I just wish the rules weren't so precise and other people you don't even know wouldn't interfer if you're not doing something quite right. It would be nice if people were a little more open-minded. I know some countries where people don't care too much for other people's looks if they don't know them, unless they are looking signifficantly different, otherwise though, it doesn't matter too much. That would make life easier, and would reduce the amount of anxiety, social phobia, paranoia and Agoraphobia some people can develop because of the rules of conformity become too overwhelming.

Then it feels like people with invisible disabilities, (one example, Aspies), get punished for it, which is why I think having AS is a curse. It's like, invisible disabilities are commonly known of, but not respected, and that they don't fit into the rules of conformity, so we basically get punished for it by the public. I think if babies are allowed to have tantrums in in public (because people have to let them off because they're ''only babies''), I think people with invisible disabilities should be allowed to have a disability, so that when someone is looking a little nervous or unsure or not quite following the rules of conformity then people should use their empathy to figure out that they're doing this unintentionally and think ''maybe he/she's just got a disability'', instead of judging them against it.

I agree with that statement. I also don't understand why women are that way at the same time. I've never had any interest in fitting in or being pretty. I also have GID, so I'm 90% more masculine than I am feminine. Having said that, I can see how average females want to be pretty and please others. That just doesn't come natural to me and I'm not bothered by it. I'm more of a be myself and if you don't like it, you don't have to look at me type of a person.