Feeling unheard

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I don't have the best of social skills and just recently realized how big of a role my body language played in so many of the problems I've faced in life. So I have this problem where I get interrupted and ignored seemingly much more often than the average person. It seems that no matter the topic, or how loud or fast I talk, I can't seem to keep a lot of people's attention. It really only seems to happen when I am in a group of people. I am starting to suspect my body language has something to do with it. I'm not good at keeping eye contact, and I found out that a lot of stuff I can't help but do are things that make a person look suspicious, like they're lying. Is this why I am having this problem?

You know what? I never really thought about this. I've always felt like I was invisible and nobody paid any attention to me, but I attributed it to my size. I had to shout out all the time. Maybe that's it. Body language. Thanks.

When people ignore you in a conversation, other than the fact that they are rude, assuming they are not trying to be rid of you (which they might) they are likely trying to communicate that they either aren't interested in what you are saying or you are not speaking within the proper context.

I think talking fast is a mistake. If people perceive you are placing yourself in a socially submissive position, they will re-enforce that, and talking fast might communicate to them the very problem you are having, which does not reflect well of you socially

Talk at a normal pace, maybe even a little slower. Make sure what you say is relevant in that it is not out of context. A subject being associated with another does not necessarily mean it is in context. When someone interrupts you, take issue with it. Say "excuse me, I was talking" and if they continue to interrupt you, point that out to them. Do not hold your hands or wring them or fiddle your fingers as you speak, this might make you appear meek and thus insignificant.

Thinking about it now, it started at the dinner table with my family. My brother (5 years older) always felt he needed to be the centre of attention. If I tried to get in a word edgewise while he took a break, he would interrupt me, or say "Shut up." My brother was not the nicest person to me growing up and I still have some resentment issues over that as a result. The dinner table otherwise is good practice for your social skills as you can practice speaking in turn and keeping track of the topics at hand during a discussion.
Also, sometimes people have said to me growing up that I must have a reason to contribute to a conversation, or else I will be excluded. Nothing is more annoying than hearing someone ask "What's your point?"
Another note: Other people feel that what they say is more important than anything anyone else has to say anyway. It is just that others may be able to communicate more effectively their disapproval of being interrupted. What you have to think when interrupted is "Was there a reason for being interrupted? Who was being insensitive here? Was there lost interest in what I had to say?"

It really has to depend on your body language and maybe some of the things that you saying or doing are offending people more than you think and you may not be fully aware. For example, do you ever find yourself talking about the same topic over and over again?



I had that problem when I was a teenager and while I was in my early 20's.

While a close friend of mine and I were growing apart several years ago, I had constantly talked about Disney things over and over again at the age of 14 since it was who I was. Because I seemed to talk about Disney things, my friend, her new boyfriend and his friend ignored me and seemed to talk among themselves about other things. I also had some other bad social skills and tried to get their attention by saying with an attitude by saying, "Hello, I am trying to talk here." My friend went, "Hi, how are you doing?" This was in a really fake voice as if she was loosing interested. I would say, "I am fine." After that she went back to her conversations because they did not want to hear anymore about Disney.

I am not saying what they did was right since they were only 11 and 12 year olds and since they did not understand what was wrong. At the same time, it is one of our traits to be in the spectrum.

Other problems that seem to turn people off is when you go up to someone and ask them an inappropriate question when they first meet. For example, someone who I know was going up to other people and asking them what their birthdays and zodiacs were. The conversations go like this.

He walks up to a stranger and says, "Hi, what is your zodiac and when is your birthday," with out saying hello.

I also learned that I had a habit of talking just to talk because I cannot stand dead silence. I also have the tendency to state the obvious which you make a direct statement about something that is inferenced.

EG- You walk up to someone and see that they have a new appliance like a vacuum and you ask if they got a new one. They say,"No you are imagining things."

It is better to use as few words as possible. I look at the vacuum and say something like, "Oh that reminds me, I need to vacuum at home."

Finally, do you often dominate the conversation and may get big turn off? I have that problem as well.
Practice taking turns.