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ardentauthor
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14 Aug 2012, 10:21 am

There's this guy I know, and I think he wants to have a physical relationship with me...but I don't want that, at all. I tried the body language thing-you know, turning your body elsewhere-but it didn't work. I don't want to say "I have no interest in you" because I don't want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?



thewhitrbbit
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14 Aug 2012, 10:32 am

Say it. Men like it when people are just upfront.

I've never been mad at a girl who was upfront about it. I have been mad at girls who tried to subtly hint and such, and it ended up leading me on, dragging it out, and it was a lot of false hope that really hurt.

It will hurt a little, but he'll get over it and move on.

Your actually probably hurting him 10x more than you would if you just said "I'm not interested in a relationship with you" by trying to do all the subtle signs he's probably missing.



MightyMorphin
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14 Aug 2012, 10:47 am

Yeah just tell him upfront.



Vomelche
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14 Aug 2012, 1:36 pm

He might think you are shy or playing hard to get. Don`t ignore him, but at the same time don`t give him any extra attention. It will take time, but he will get it. If he asks you out just say you are not interested.



Nikkt
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15 Aug 2012, 7:29 am

ardentauthor wrote:
There's this guy I know, and I think he wants to have a physical relationship with me...but I don't want that, at all. I tried the body language thing-you know, turning your body elsewhere-but it didn't work. I don't want to say "I have no interest in you" because I don't want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

Oh god, if only I knew.
thewhitrbbit wrote:
Say it. Men like it when people are just upfront.

Except when they don't. You may not have been mad at a girl for it, and for that you're a saint, but every guy I've turned down in an upfront manner gets mad at me, either straight up or later, behind my back. This just serves to convince me I've made the right choice in not going out with him, but it's hell annoying.
thewhitrbbit wrote:
Your actually probably hurting him 10x more than you would if you just said "I'm not interested in a relationship with you" by trying to do all the subtle signs he's probably missing.

This is true, though. Been there done that as well - being subtle just leads to gigantic, unwanted valentines day presents 8O. It does work out better being upfront, for both parties, but whatever I do I always feel horrible for it.


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thewhitrbbit
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15 Aug 2012, 10:51 am

Quote:
Except when they don't. You may not have been mad at a girl for it, and for that you're a saint, but every guy I've turned down in an upfront manner gets mad at me, either straight up or later, behind my back. This just serves to convince me I've made the right choice in not going out with him, but it's hell annoying.


I have noticed some men are beginning to emulate female tendencies by becoming drama kings and such.



minervx
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15 Aug 2012, 11:45 am

I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, but keep in mind that you will hurt him MUCH MORE, if you don't let him know that you don't really like him the way he likes you. If he has no idea that you don't like him the way he does, he will think you are okay with a physical relationship. And if not that, you will confuse him a lot. The only way to not waste your time and to save him some of his is to be direct.

You can say:

"I really think we'd be best as friends, rather than dating partners"
"I'm not really interested in dating right now - just friends"

Just remember you are going to hurt his feelings (maybe not now, but at some point) by NOT saying anything.



AScomposer13413
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15 Aug 2012, 12:16 pm

I agree with most of the comments here. Really, it doesn't matter which way you look at it, whether she says it to him or not, he's gonna be hurt by the comment. No questions asked. What does matter, though, is how much hurt will be involved. I'd follow thewhitrbbit's advice - say it. He'll be less hurt that way. If he comes back and tries to blame you for the pain, that just confirms your non-interest.


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Vomelche
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15 Aug 2012, 2:06 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Quote:
Except when they don't. You may not have been mad at a girl for it, and for that you're a saint, but every guy I've turned down in an upfront manner gets mad at me, either straight up or later, behind my back. This just serves to convince me I've made the right choice in not going out with him, but it's hell annoying.


I have noticed some men are beginning to emulate female tendencies by becoming drama kings and such.


I`ve also heard this that men are actually more needy and jealous than women. Stays true for some gay men who tried to hit on me.



put
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16 Aug 2012, 11:12 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Say it. Men like it when people are just upfront.


Yep.

Few years back a coworker liked me, at least according to some other people there. I didn't want to ask her about it, considering we worked together at least once a week, and it might make things awkward. So I decided I could mention I liked someone else. If she did like me, she could draw her own conclusions and she wouldn't lose face or whatever, if she didn't nothing would change. Apparently that was a bit of a dick move, although I meant well. It worked, though.



Morningstar
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19 Aug 2012, 4:42 pm

I think you should get him alone, and say something like, "I value our friendship, but I'm not interested in having an intimate relationship with you," or "I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you, but as a friend I want to be honest with you. I'm not ready for a relationship right now."

If it's too hard to tell him in person, you could write him a short note, or maybe email him. I think you should avoid telling him over chat or text messages, though, because that seems too impersonal.



Merculangelo
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19 Aug 2012, 4:54 pm

I'm sure there's something about you that he wouldn't like. Accentuate your weaknesses.