I Have No Friends

Post Reply New Topic

I have a few online friends but offline there is no one,i'm a loner! the thing is i have made friends in the past, i have attended social groups and courses and had jobs etc where i have met people who liked me and who i liked and friendships began to develop many times, but they never seemed to last. Sometimes the other person seemed to eventually notice i was different and just couldn't understand me and backed away, other times i guess it was me not putting in enough time and effort, i have learnt now that if you neglect a friendship you will lose it without doubt, friends don't stick around the way family do, you can back away and neglect family and then go back as the link is always there, but friends will leave you. But when i think of all the people i did begin to develop friendships with, if i was still in contact with them now it would be a good couple of dozen people at least!! But theres just no one.

I have always wanted friends and to be sociable, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I am always better in a 1 to 1 than a group. in a group i try to be friendly and talk but nothing comes, i can just literally sit there and i have nothing to say, i see so many people come into a group and within 5 minutes they are right in there chatting away and making friends. i find the effort drains away all my energy, and people think i am being miserable and anti social and not making any effort, but i'm not! they don't realise how much of an effort it was for me to even be there in the first place! Sometimes i find being around people so hard that i just shut myself away, i feel safer then and happy sometimes, but other times just bored and lonely.

The worst is on summer days going out to the park by myself, having no one i can ring or text to come along, and seeing large groups of friends together having fun and i'm just sat there by myself watching, thats when it really gets to me. or when something bad happens and i just wish i had a friend to turn to, to talk to about it and go out and get smashed or whatever. sometimes i see groups of lads and badly wish i was one of the lads too, i often think it seems cool to be a bit naughty and a bit of a lad sometimes!! !

I wish i had friends, not like millions just a few close friends, knowing how many times i could have had it and lost it is the hardest part.

I don't know. I like people and can be happy to talk to them when out and about, even with total strangers. I like chatting with my sensei at karate, other students, etc. Happy if people occasionally visit.

But I really don't like the kinds of in depth friendship where there's pressure or expectation to visit or be visited on a regular basis.

I have one or two friends that I'd be happy to spend quality time with, but they live far away, and I haven't seen them in years. I can live with that. I just wouldn't like to make 'friends' who want to keep coming over, in my face, etc.

I have my wife and kids. That's enough.

yup.

I know that feel. I basically lost all the friends I've made during school and football at the time they started to go out partying. As I have social phobia I couldn't stand going to parties, even though I went to a couple occasionally, I felt way out of my own comfort zone and eventually I just gave up, a bit to easily I suppose. I guess that after a while they thought a friendship with me wasn't give and take, just them giving and me not giving anything back, hence no benefits in including and hanging out with me anymore.

<----- Thinks every song of loneliness were written for him.

On a David Letterman Top Ten which applies to me.....

When James Taylor singing "You've Got a Friend", sees me in the audience then stops singing.

Story of my life. I had some close friends in high school but they basically ignore me now. I can't even make online friends. I loved having a few close friends who got me. Sucks now.

AspieBoy2012 are you sure you didn't plagiarize that from me? Sounds like something I would write almost word for word!

I have exactly zero friends at this point in my life even though I am extremely well liked and respected where I work. For example, a new co-worker asked me to watch her cat and house for the weekend: I later found out I was chosen because asked around to find out who to trust and my name kept coming up as the most trustworthy and reliable person. Unfortunately, most of my co-workers are much older and married so it's almost impossible to relate to them. I'm also at the point where the few 'friends' I did have kicked me to the curb when they found a girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend).

Part of my problem is that when I was being bullied back in my school days, my good friend was also good friends with the bullies. I accepted that because I assumed he just didn't see their true nature yet. He was good to me until a birthday party where he literally cheered with everyone else as I failed at a competition. Imagine playing hockey and while getting injured with a bad cut not one but BOTH teams cheer together. That's pretty much what I had to put up with. I was very angry but let it slide but there came a point he HAD to pick a side and his answer to me was to physically attack me in front of the entire class (teachers were oblivious as usual). Since that day I find it hard to trust anyone as the few people who pretended to like me in the coming years only did it to humiliate me. It's become clear that even 15 years later I still subconsciously assume anyone being nice to me must have hidden ulterior motives.

I'm may be an introvert but let's be clear: it flat out sucks to have to be alone 95% of the time outside of work. All I can say at this point is that I feel your pain. Hang in there!

I haven't had a real-life friend in about 15 years. (And before that I hardly ever had any either!) I'm okay with it though. I'm a loner by nature, and my family has always been enough to fulfill my social needs.

But I hear you, about sometimes wishing you had people to hang out with. I'd like to visit some of the nature parks nearby, but don't feel safe going by myself. I've heard that Meetup.com can be a good way to meet people in your area, and find activities to get involved in? I'm thinking of giving that a try one of these days, if I can get my courage up!

I'm also grateful that I have friends online to talk to... I'm a lot more social nowadays, than I ever was before the internet came along!

i face the same problem from childhood and now i am in my mid 30's i have reached this forum and website
trying to find solutions for being odd one out and friendless
its scary at times but i make a point to talk with everyone and if they quit talking with me atleast during
the conversation i end up learning something useful
Presently i work for a organisation mostly there are young students there they cant relate with me
and i am odd one out i avoid any outside social interaction with them its just work related
they get aggressive if i try to hang around them without apparent reason
Even i can't converse in groups and sitting in a crowded room leads to panic attack
I would love to visit parks etc but my hubby finds them boring and i dont have friends to hang around with me
to such places
so mostly its internet, surfing reading different psychological books and TV

You can see from the posts above that you're not alone in this, AspieBoy. Why, I find myself in a similar position to what many WrongPlaneteers are describing here.

I currently have 2 acquaintances, who have never outright stated that what we have is a 'friendship', but its honestly the closest thing I have to it. I must admit that I have been neglecting one of these friendships of late, consciously; not to be mean to him, but because I have been going through an emotionally difficult spell with self-confidence issues. Ideally, I should look up the company of a friend in situations like that, but I've instead chosen to spend all of my spare time on my own, and declining my friend's invitations to spend some time together. How long he will put up with this, I cannot be certain.

I can relate to what you say about seeing groups of friends play and laugh together when you're outside. I've been in that same spot and sometimes till find myself there. I have been known to say "The times when I feel the loneliest are the times when I'm in a big crowd".

I have no problem making casual acquaintances, but close friends? Just can't do it...on the rare occasion that I get one, we eventually drift apart. I'm not very good at making on-line friends either...

Aspieboy2012, you are not the unique one. I also have lots of difficulties in making friends. It's not because I didn't get invited, but my first response to any invitation is just like... errr... hang on.... err.... actually I dont quite like to go.
Slowly, due to lack of common experiences and topics with people, i become more and more alienated.

Same here. Making friends is tough. It's hard to not look like an idiot when trying to start a conversation, any conversation.

I had a few friends when I was a kid, but as I moved on to middle school some of those friends had moved to different places and the friends that hadn't moved weren't actually my friends and were using me as it turned out.

In middle school, I was picked on and since then I've become a loner. I've adjusted to this so I don't experience loneliness anymore and upon entering high school I've stop caring what others think of me, but as a result I'm cynical and kind of distrusting of people.

(Oh god, I didn't mean for this sound depressing.)