I wish I had at least one non-NT cousin

Post Reply New Topic

It seems to be rare for Aspies here to come from an ''all-NT family''. Not saying I'm the only one here who comes from an all-NT family, but I bet there's not many Aspies here who are the only non-NT in their entire family.

I just wish I had a non-NT cousin, someone who I could share my loneliness with, someone who I could relate to, someone who could have as much or less friends than me. I have 14 cousins and all of them have much more friends than me and are all out and about, and it just makes me feel isolated, and feelings of isolation cause depression. I don't have to think so much about my dad's side of the family because I never see them, but the cousins of my mum's side of the family are about more and I can't help seeing them and being reminded how socially disabled I am, and it just seems to affect me negatively. One of my cousins used to have a lot of Aspie traits when he was a child, even the school was concerned and his mum even got a social worker involved. It wasn't anything to do with his upbringing because his sister (who was 2 years older) was OK, and his mum was lovely anyway. But now he's 19 and has turned into an extroverted party animal and is very popular, and has a lot of photos of himself at bars with a lot of mates on Facebook, all gathered round him looking like they're all having a hell of a good time. Then there's another cousin of mine who doesn't have AS but has always been very serious and very moral too, and always likes to speak posh. His IQ is very high and he is looking into a career in drawing because his drawings are really good and he just does it from memory. But even he seems more extroverted; going out to the bar at week-ends with a pile of mates and flirting around with extroverted girls at the bar and getting stupidly pissed.

It seems nobody but me are serious and introverted in my family. Everybody seems to have 1 interest and 1 interest only, which is drinking and dancing. Why can't I have at least 1 cousin who is on the spectrum or has some other disorder like ADHD or Down's Syndrome or something else that affects their learning and behaviour and social skills? Why has it always got to be me the only introvert and everybody else party animals? How come the Autism has only gone to ME, even though there was no complications at birth and my mum never smoked or drank while pregnant and I have a brother who is OK? Makes me feel so angry when I think of all my cousin's stupid NEUROTYPICAL brains.

My uncle with Aspergers is sort of a douche and we never talk. It could work out like that.

I got a cousin I talk to, but he's like almost 40 right now and married (well not technically, but....more or less a common law marriage, but we don't have those in USA.) My aunt who's NT, and her boyfriend who while probably doesn't have severe Aspergers or anything, shares the same interests as me and I can relate well to. But yeah, I don't know, my family is a bit crazier and introverted than your's.

My biggest problem is I live in a household of only girls, and my mom and dad divorced and I'm the only guy in the house, and women are nuts. I also don't like how women are basically "allowed" to be shy and it's totally normal, and then as a guy if you're shy in anyway, you got serious problems. I have a sister who while "NT" has serious anxiety issues, she wouldn't order her own food at a restaurant until like 15-16 years old, and then quit learning to drive because she got honked at for not right turning on red (as Jeremy Clarkson called it, America's best gift to the world) but everyone thinks she's normal because she acts normal in school and stuff. Meanwhile I'm the one that has problems and doesn't know social rules...

Oddly enough, now that I think about it, the only people that are really stereotypical "Everything is right in the world" "NTs" in my family is my dad's brother's family. Cousin on that side went to Yale, perfect looking clean house, owns a boat he takes out on the weekends, drives a new VW, etc. They seem really heartless people, though, his wife was an abortion counselor until she got too many threats from fathers who were mad that their kids got aborted (so much for that stereotype.) And they aborted their second kid simply because they wouldn't be able to keep their standard of living high enough, like both had jobs and everything, but no cool stuff like boats with a second kid. Also, they put down their dog because after my cousin went off to college, it didn't get enough attention and acted up, so off to the gas chamber it goes. But, they're the most "normal" people I know. They had their hidden problems, his wife ran up a huge credit card bill awhile back, but they definitely have the "standard of living" that appears successful. I guess if that's the price I gotta pay...f**k that.

I have never heard if one of my 20+ cousins are on the spectrum, but I don't meet my family as often.

The only family member I know who's not really a NT is my sister, whom has Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have 3 close relatives that aren't NT... and while I'm close to them...
They aren't really in my life 24/7 and it's not really something I think that because they have a way of life, they do not really know what it's like for me growing up...
In a way... I kind of miss out on someone who struggles like I do since all of them are doing well.

I'm the only officially diagnosed aspie in the family, although I do sometimes think my grandad must have it. Of course, then he started going to bingo, which showed a whole new, social side of him which made me wonder if he was just being antisocial all these years.

Most of my family don't even know I have aspergers, and if I told them they wouldn't have a clue what it is. They all know I'm quiet, and I prefer to be left alone or if everyone is sitting in one room chatting, I'm likely to be helping in the kitchen out the way, etc. those who do know are very supportive, to the extent they can be without really understanding. I'm probably closest to my sister, which is funny because she lives the furthest away geographically, and I hardly ever see her, just message her.

Sometimes, I wish one of my parents had aspergers, just so they could understand why I didn't want to do this, or I had to leave that.

I think I get how you feel Joe. I don't think anyone on my family is close to being on the spectrum except for my dad who probably has dyslexia, ADD & Obsessive Compulsive Personality but he has none of the AS social problems & I wouldn't consider him to be introverted. Only one of my cousins is more introverted than extroverted & she's one of those creative wannabe writer types who's parents are divorced so she's still extremely different from me. My mom & grandma & one of my aunts(all on my mom's side) are more introverted but they don't show any other AS traits. The rest of my aunts & uncles & grandparents are all at least somewhat fairly outgoing. My mom jokes that there must of been a mix-up at the hospital when I was born.

I used to want so much for some of my cousins to be AS too, for the same reasons Joe expresses. My family on both sides are as NT as it gets. My father and grandmother were autistic, I believe, but it doesn't help when it's not people in your same generation.

But I tell myself to wait and see. The genes are in the family, and at some point another autistic will be born, and they'll all have to deal with what they got away not dealing with in my case. With me, it was the previous century in a third-world country and they could blame it all on me. Now it won't be so easy for them to dump the blame on the autistic child and dump him/her. School specialists won't allow it, and the autistic himself will demand his rights, being aware through the internet. I will soooo enjoy myself then!! ! I heard from my brother a few years ago, he wanted me to meet his daughter, said she was so exactly like me (I of course sent him to hell). I only hope she's as aspie as me and makes him as ashamed of her as my parents were of me all my life. I love it when people get a spoonful of their own medicine. Wait and see, wait and see.

Besides, you're probably not in touch with all your relatives. Chances are there's some aspie among them. These things are kept hidden by parents and siblings. It's possible you don't know and you do have relatives about your generation who are suffering as an aspie among NTs. I suspect this may be the case in my extended family.

My situation is just like you on my mothers side. All my cousins are these pros at being social. My nieces and nephews who are 5-6 also know how to manipulate others and take advantage. I had a very difficult childhood as they bullied me relentlessly as i took things too seriously. My own brother although not an extrovert initially, was fairly typical, so he although he was accepted. I had one cousin who not on the spectrum but was LD so struggled to fit in for other reasons. I know he liked me a lot but when he got married his wife stopped him from being in touch with us. But even then, it was not like we spent time with each other. It was just that with him, i did not feel weird.

My dad was kind of like me, so it was like the oasis of my life. I lost it long ago but even now i miss it even now. Now when i am in my 30ies my cousins and my brother have a completely different life than me. I am neither noticed nor welcome in their life. I am essentially an outsider on their life. My own brother tries now as once i told him verbally that i dont need him to support me by giving me money but i just look for companionship. So he tries, so does my sister in law.

But to be fair their life and mine is so different. We are so different, that i can do nothing other than envy what they can have while they can find nothing interesting in mine. It is a fact as we are just too different.

So. I my suggestion is that if you are looking for companionship look outside. It is no use wasting time on cousins.

Well I did have 1 cousin who was quite different as a child, had trouble mixing with other children, and even caused his parents concern and he saw a therapists a few times because he was a lot to deal with at home what we didn't know about (his mum told this to my mum). He also got very anxious a lot but was unable to express it, and used to complain of tummyaches a lot, and he also got bullied and shunned at school, and just about got on with other children who had learning difficulties or even possible Aspies (maybe PDD-NOS or whatever it is). And it was nothing to do with his upbringing because he had a sister and a brother (both older than him but not much older), and they were both all right. But now he's 21 he seems to have changed from a possible Aspie to an almost extroverted NT. He goes out to bars and pubs and socialises every day (after work and practically all week-end), and gets along with his peers, and seems perfectly ''typical''. I know of some of his friends (not enough to be friendly with but I have seen them before and I know who they are) and they all seem like extroverted party-animals.

So even if he is an Aspie in disguise, he can't be as bad as me - and I'm only very mild and I know I am, but even I can't seem to turn myself into a party-animal if I tried. In fact I feel I have sunken into introverted life even more, when it comes to week-end nights. I just wish my cousin was definately an Aspie and was close to me and came round a lot, then I wouldn't feel like the only one in the whole family who finds socialising boring or too much.

Perhaps my cousin forces himself an awful lot, I don't know, but I have forced myself before to go out with my brother and his mates on a Friday night, just to see what all the fuss is about, and I done it a few times but I felt I was too introverted and all the shenanigans that went on among the group was too ''silly'' for me, and I preferred to just stay at home working on a project or something. Although somehow I'm ''socially immature'', I felt I was too ''mature'' to be mixing with a bunch of people around my age in a pub, for some VERY strange reason. Also Friday nights kept coming round so quick, and I kept saying ''oh, I'll leave it this week and go out with you next week'', then when the next week came I was like, ''oh it's Friday again already? I don't feel I'm in the mood to go out with you this week'', then I lost all motivation to do it so now I haven't gone out for a few weeks now.

If my cousin is possible Aspie, I don't know how he keeps all that up, once a week is enough but EVERY DAY he goes out, even after work! Ahh!

I have a cousin with AS. And my grandpa would most likely be diagnosed with AS if he were alive. (He died a couple years ago). Both on my dad's side. And many of my other relatives on my dad's side have AS traits. Generally a good thing. However, the cousin drives me nuts. I think it's just because I don't appreciate his special interest at all: the US military, CIA, spies, etc. But that's ok. But then again, I haven't talked to him in person since my diagnosis, so maybe my perspective has changed.