How can one not be "boring" in conversation?

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AudaciousLarue
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24 Jul 2012, 11:23 am

I'm curious as to how other people with autism avoid coming off as "boring" in a casual conversation, particularly with strangers at social events.

Any tips?



KaminariNoKage
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24 Jul 2012, 11:38 am

I usually just avoid people or not say anything, but one I have learned is that humor helps. If you can get someone to smile or laugh, 1) You get instant feedback response (laughing is pretty obvious) and 2) If someone is laughing/smiling, then they are not bored. Downside is that you appear more playful/a joker than serious, Upside, people enjoy being around people who make them laugh.

Alternately you can just outright ask if you are boring someone - but experience has taught me they will not answer that truthfully if at all.



LoveHim
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24 Jul 2012, 12:06 pm

I suppose by letting the other person lead the conversation!?!? Ask them questions about themselves (even if it's boring to you). Use humor.



Colinn
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24 Jul 2012, 12:14 pm

Yes as has been said humor can be help maintain interest. Also, keeping topics varied can help too. Sticking to the same few topics may end up losing the interest of the other person.



AngryMacrophage
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27 Jul 2012, 7:59 pm

AudaciousLarue wrote:
I'm curious as to how other people with autism avoid coming off as "boring" in a casual conversation, particularly with strangers at social events.

Any tips?


Asking the other person questions is probably a good way to. You might also try smiling a lot, nodding your head, and intensely staring at them. Don't nod your head too much so that you don't come off as having some degenerative neurological disorder. You could also throw in some phrases such as "Oh, wow." or "very interesting" or "really?".

If you do those things, you will feel ridiculous, but the other person will totally buy it. It really worked for my graduate school interviews :P 8)



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17 Aug 2012, 1:28 am

LoveHim wrote:
I suppose by letting the other person lead the conversation!?!? Ask them questions about themselves (even if it's boring to you). Use humor.


Just what I was going to say! Let the other person do all the talking (easier said than done, if you're anything like me). They will think you're the best conversationalist on the planet. People love to talk about themselves. Just start off with something like "How are you?" and stand back. Most people will grab that and run with it. Complimenting them about something works too -- "Wow. That's a nice shirt. Where did you get it?" It will make them feel good and give them the opportunity to tell you all about the great deal they got on it.



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17 Aug 2012, 2:21 am

Add random simpsons quotes into the convo.

Glabbern :shrug:



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17 Aug 2012, 2:25 am

I find this really hard, and often come across as boring. I try to ask a lot of questions so the other person does the talking, and try to avoid any special interests unless you know the person won't mind having a long discussion about that! I'm lucky that recently the people I've met have been interested in similar things to me which really helps, but I find it really hard with people like my parents' friends who don't really want to talk about fairy tales!



VAGraduateStudent
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17 Aug 2012, 8:51 am

Bubbles137 wrote:
I find this really hard, and often come across as boring. I try to ask a lot of questions so the other person does the talking, and try to avoid any special interests unless you know the person won't mind having a long discussion about that! I'm lucky that recently the people I've met have been interested in similar things to me which really helps, but I find it really hard with people like my parents' friends who don't really want to talk about fairy tales!


I have a good friend with AS who does this. Luckily his special interests are marketable, like tattoos, skateboarding, car/truck customizing, conspiracies, and ancient civilizations. I've known my friend for almost 20 years and I've noticed that with age, his special interests have shifted and this gives him more to draw from in order to talk to people. He usually waits for them to bring up a subject or he notices something about them that has to do with one of his interests and then he starts exchanging information. He's really good at it and he's made a lot of friends this way.

I've noticed that his parents and my family with their chitchat are hard for him. After awhile he just stopped talking to everyone who wasn't interesting, except for his parents because they're nice and are funny in their own ways. He seemed to feel a lot better once he started doing this.



Bubbles137
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18 Aug 2012, 12:30 am

VAGraduateStudent wrote:

I have a good friend with AS who does this. Luckily his special interests are marketable, like tattoos, skateboarding, car/truck customizing, conspiracies, and ancient civilizations. I've known my friend for almost 20 years and I've noticed that with age, his special interests have shifted and this gives him more to draw from in order to talk to people. He usually waits for them to bring up a subject or he notices something about them that has to do with one of his interests and then he starts exchanging information. He's really good at it and he's made a lot of friends this way.

I've noticed that his parents and my family with their chitchat are hard for him. After awhile he just stopped talking to everyone who wasn't interesting, except for his parents because they're nice and are funny in their own ways. He seemed to feel a lot better once he started doing this.


That's really good- sometimes it works with me, and another interest is Formula One which works with a lot of my dad's friends but it's a lot harder with Mum's friends who aren't really interested in that either! A constant argument with me and my mum is that I'm 'antisocial' or 'unfriendly' even though I try not to be, and when I was younger, after every time someone came round she'd say how much I'd embarrassed her. Now, I try to be out when they have friends round unless I know them well because it saves a lot of arguments.



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19 Aug 2012, 4:37 pm

I notice that people appreciate it when you get to the point, and don't ramble or add side commentary while you're telling them something. People don't seem to like it when you put yourself down either. I used to do it sort of for humor (dark humor maybe) and I noticed people would give me weird looks if they weren't already a friend of mine. Once somebody just said "Thank you" and walked away...that was weird.

Other than that, I don't think I have anything new to add.



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19 Aug 2012, 5:45 pm

LoveHim wrote:
I suppose by letting the other person lead the conversation!?!? Ask them questions about themselves (even if it's boring to you). Use humor.


This.