How do you deal with people saying you need to get out more?

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My family means well, but they often say things like "you need to spend more time with people." Why is it so hard for them to understand that I'd rather be by myself than talk about something boring with someone who won't let me do the same? How do you handle people saying these things?

I would tell them this exactly with examples. I did that with mine. My brother gets it as he knows what i like to talk about. Mom and sister-in-law dont. They think i am not trying enough. With them i make a point to tell them that it is boring but i have realised they cant see why it is boring to be with people who you have nothing in common with. So i just nod when they say "you need to be with people" or say "i am trying" with a smile.

And making sure that they know that you are happy being by yourself too. But to be fair to your family, even if it is irritating, it shows that they care. That is why even though it irritates me when my mom says "you dont make enough effort", i ignore her now as i know she is worried that i will be completely alone. (she told me that once when i asked her) It does not make sense to me but the fear is huge for her.

It seems like for all the mind blindness of Aspies, NT's have their own way of approaching life that goes something like "Well, if *I* enjoy chit chatting with my 15 friends at a loud, bright, chaotic event, then it would also benefit you to enjoy the same!"

Some people who have said to me that I need to spend more time with people were saying it as a complement to me. By this I mean, what they were saying (literally this is what they said) is that I have certain talents and traits, like caring, patience, creativity, humor, etc, and that it is a shame to waste those gifts by never sharing them with other people. Now, it took my therapist the entire past year to get to me from a place of hearing that and going okay thats a great idea but no way am I leaving my house, to actually being able to take that advice and use it for the purposes of volunteering. My employment services worker from Voc Rehab also said the same thing of me, despite my preference that I work with cats/animals rather than people.

So to honor what they have said about me and to honor my own interests, I have so far been able to somewhat balance this out by volunteering both with shelter cats, and also with the elderly in a nursing home. So far, both have worked out for me, and I feel comfortable with the balance of doing some of each (while not over commiting myself because that could easily happen).

I think it is just a matter of explaining who you are, what your needs are, what your skills are, and then coming to a healthy balance of how you could share your gifts with others without running yourself into an unhealthy place or draining all your energies on social activities that have no merit for you. Its okay to have different things we think are "fun". If you are good company to yourself, then more power to you!

Oddly enough I go "out" a lot, grocery shopping, gym, ice skating, church, etc, but most of those things (besides church sorta kinda) don't really involve much interaction with people.

Today someone told me I should go out more, meet people, as I have a kind heart. I answered "that's why I shouldn't go out and meet people." She had nothing to object to that.

I ask "Whose life is this anyway, mine or yours?".

I don't like people saying that sort of stuff to me. Once I said I was bored on a Saturday evening, and someone said, ''go out and about, you're young!'', and I know he means well but I think that advice was very blunt, and I wasn't implying that I'm bored as in lonely. I just ran out of things to do and didn't know what else to start on.

Really, I should have said, ''why go out and about when I'm trying to REDUCE my boredom?!''

I'll have to remember that one.

I like to watch their facial expressions when I tell them " I really don't like people"

And that may be true due to the people I have encountered in my life, but in my head I am always thinking about how I have nothing in common with anyone, people always stare at me, or seem to avoid me for some reason. I just don't fit in and cannot comunicate like most.

Having kids is the best reason ever to not go out.

When i was younger and lived at home, my mother used to pester me to go out to clubs and be a normal teenager. I used to respond... "why would i want to go somewhere with overpriced drinks, crap music and sad middle aged men trying to pick me up when i can stay here and watch sci fi?"

While it's a good suggestion, and it can be as annoying as other people telling you to smile more, it's really up to you whether you want to go out and meet people. When I was a teenager, I hated going out. I hated being dragged along places with my parents or go along with friends that had friends I didn't get along with yet had to hang out with because my parents made me. As I grew older, I came to realize that had I gotten a chance to live the past 10 years over again, I would go out more. While alone time is valuable and worthwhile, you don't really live life, learn new things, etc. if you are alone all the time.

My old contact worker at Stepping Stones was telling me that I needed to get out of my apartment and come there more often. I told her that she's not the boss of me and that I'll go there when I wish to do so. I also told her that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I also told her that Autism Speaks does not speak for me, knowing that she supports them and what they believe in.