Ever had former friends just completely stop talking to you?

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Man, I don't know what to think about people these days. I start Senior year in 2 days, and I'm looking forward to my classes and Cross Country (been running with the team for 3 years now). But I swear, I lose a friend every month, it seems.

My two main examples are admittedly girls, and I'm a guy. But bear in mind, these aren't breakup blues or anything. One girl started talking with me last summer. She also does cross country and the two of us got lost downtown during a run. We spent the time learning about each others' families and interests, and kept in touch the whole summer and for the next several months. But then she got a boyfriend about January of this year, and from March onward seemed to want nothing to do with me. She's a very unconfident, untrusting person, and I spent so much time telling her the many good traits she has and how she brightens a lot of people's lives. I even had to go against my conscience a little bit when she started trash-talking more friendly, optimistic, and athletic girls (who have been nice to me ever since I met them... even now when this one doesn't give a rat's behind about me).

The second one is actually my good friend's twin sister. She was in a really frustrating relationship with a guy who was a total @sshole to her a lot of the time, and once they finally broke up in May, I would spend hours and hours on the phone with her consoling her, telling her she has tons of nicer people to turn to and that everyone loves her, her friends, family, twin brother, etc. Our families know each other pretty well and we have a lot of the same interests (namely Pokemon and Nintendo gaming). To be honest, I did like her... a LOT, actually... her brother said to me he'd be more than happy if the two of us became an item. But she's talking with other guys for some reason, and never texts me anymore. At cross country she sticks close to her girlfriends and doesn't even say hello unless I do. I recently bought her dinner and sat down with her for a good 45 minutes when we and a group of friends went to SunSplash. You'd think that would tell her something. But no, she doesn't even want to talk on a friendly level. Her brother and I still maintain contact and hang out from time to time, though.

I'm honestly really confused, nervous how these problems will affect my last year of high school, and pretty sad, actually. It makes me feel like I'll both be forever single and lose friends if I continue to act in my quirky, passionate-talking, Aspie-ish ways.

I'm not looking for sympathy or attention here. I'd just like to hear if any of you would like to share similar stories or insight. Thanks.

my best friend in grad school was suddenly always too busy to talk to me. never found out why.

the girl who stopped talking to you after she got a boyfriend may be following her boyfriend's wishes. if she liked you as more than a friend, staying in touch with you might seem like cheating to her.


i dated over 100 people before i found the right one. never give up.

I recently had that happen to me and it has happened over the years-I feel like I was thrown away like trash-its a long story and its just too long-it doesnt feel good to feel like that after everything-they throw you away like trash.

It's very significant that they're both in relationships.

Don't think of this as a reflection on you; these girls are going through their own issues with their boyfriends. Let them have their space.

You sound like a very nice guy who would make a very good friend. My husband started out that way, and we've been together for twenty-five years. So don't worry; you'll find girls who want to be around you.

High School is a hard time for everyone; people at that age are just about as superficial then as they ever will be in their lives. Keep that in mind and don't be hard on yourself.

That's my two cents' worth, at any rate.

I was in a band for about 3 years and now none of them talk to me. Welcome to the club.

Thanks everyone for your responses. I can agree with the general consensus that people in high school do this kinda stuff way too much... I'm definitely looking forward to some stuff this year, and I do have some good friends to be with still, but honestly, I say bring on college. I would love to get out of my hometown, even if it's only to the neighboring town that's 15 minutes away.

And Redrobin62, I also used to be in a band. They were the best friends I had, but one lives 40 minutes away (we occasionally chat over XBOX live), another is slowly becoming way to egotistical for me to deal with (and thinks he can give me dating advice, despite having gone through 4 mediocre relationships in a row, none lasting more than a few months (2 of 'em only lasting 2-3 weeks!) ), and I'm still on good terms with the third, luckily. It was definitely fun while it lasted though, sometimes I wish I had more people to jam with. Were you the drummer by any chance? (I was/am)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8-Xo02_TeI[/youtube]
I'm the guitarist. My aspieness worked against me with this band. I was serious and focused, they weren't.

It's that NT disease at work - say that you're serious just to hear the sound of your voice. I think they still play without me, but I'm not sure.

Yup. All the time. And I'm not good about initializing contact, so it's usually a case of "if you don't contact me, we don't talk" even though I feel bad that we don't and wish we did. Other times it's that I think someone is my friend, but they didn't like me and just were being polite/avoiding me.

none of my past friends have kept contact with me.
neither childhood, neither college, neither colony.
only one friend from college calls me once a year or so.
aspie's are too boring and serious companion and people find them dull
i guess thats why they dont keep in touch and mostly they avoid us aspie's

Yes I have, very recently. It's utterly heartbreaking.

It happens to me quite often, actually. The first time I remember it occurring was when I was still a child. A neighborhood kid tried to talk to me, and I was so scared that I biked away from her (social phobia). She chased me for a mile and forced me to talk to her. Eventually, I let her come to my house to swim, and we ended up having a great day. I thought I had actually made a friend (which was a big deal for me, seeing as I had none). Then she declared that she declared to her own friends (who told me) that she never wanted to talk to me again or see me again. And that's pretty much what she did.

Anyway, that's just one of many stories of a friend never talking to me again. It's not easy, but it's the friends you have now and then that stick with you and call you or facebook you that take the hurt away...

This past spring semester I took a sociology class, I met the professor at the end of the fall semester and she asked what classes I was taking and I told here and she goes well you should take my sociology course, and I was like sure why not I can handle 18 credit hours, not really but I survived with 5 A's and one B (people usually laugh at me when I tell them that I "survived" with those kinds of grades, perhaps it was because I actually had to work for them lol). We just clicked intellectually and emotionally in a completely platonic friendship. A little background, she is a new professor (I was in her second class) but she really is the best professor I have ever had, and we had the most amazing discussions in class. She is about 15 years younger then I am and she is a very beautiful (to me at least which is another matter entirely) and caring woman. Just to be clear about myself I am very happily married, while I found my professor to be extraordinarily attractive on all levels I was never interested in anything more then just a close friendship, but after reading some of the posts here I can see where that kind of friendship with a man would clearly be impossible.

What transpired after the semester was completely baffling to me until I discovered that I am an aspie. What happened was a couple of weeks after the semester had ended I ran into her and we had a wonderful conversation and we hugged as we went our separate ways. That evening I wrote her an email, I tried to express my feelings to her, how highly I regarded her, basically I told her that I regarded her on par with my wife (my wife has set the bar freaking high) and that I would marry her if possible. I had intended intended that comment to be purely hypothetical, my only intent was to complement her, it seemed like a nice thing to say to my aspie mind. From what I have learned about Asperger's is that we do not know how to deal with powerful emotions. I have never felt those kinds of emotions before even with my wife, somehow my friendship with my professor had accessed emotions which I had never encountered before and I was wholly unprepared for them, that email was the result.

This was her response and she has not spoken to me once since and she has blocked my emails.
I feel that this e-mail was inappropriate--I am in a committed relationship. Out of respect for my relationship and for my job, I have to make the boundaries clear and ask that you do not come visit me in my office and refrain from sending me another e-mail like this.

My emotional reaction was absolute devastation, I was also baffled by the fact that I had ever thought that the things I had said to her were a good idea. I really punished myself mentally over the loss of my friendship with her. I tried to apologize but apparently she interpreted this as stalking, fortunately no official action was taken against me and I have not attempted contact her in two months. The result of all of this is that I discovered that I have been suffering from Asperger's my entire life, I was just completely unaware that there was a psychological explanation for how I am, I just thought that I was weird. My problem is that she is all I can think about now, even a full three months after I sent her that email, this is causing me tremendous emotional turmoil and its not like I can simply turn it off. I really do not know how to proceed, I seem to be stuck, unable to move forward. If anything I just want to tell her that what happened was really beyond my control at the time and neither one of use could anticipate my emotional response to our friendship, it was just a misunderstanding. I have no intention of approaching her again until I have a confirmed diagnosis (but the notion that I don't have AS seems pretty far fetched to me), unless we happen to encounter each other on the very small campus of the community college I attend. Which brings up another complication, just the thought of running into her when I am on campus sends me spiraling into a panic attack, the thought that she thinks that I am a terrible person and that she is frightened by me fills me with anguish. I think that what makes this situation so painful for me is because that email was my way of telling her that she made me feel completely safe, I felt completely at ease around her, the most confusing part of all of this for me has been the loss of that feeling of safety.

TLDR: I am agonizing over the loss of a friendship because of a misunderstanding, I discovered that I have Asperger's as a result and now I have an explanation for my behavior which I would like to discuss with her and possibly earn her trust again.